


Take The Ice

by Hopeless ships (The_Danish_Biscuit)



Series: Slivers of Ice [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Angst, Coming Out, Dealing with Homophobia, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hockey!derek, Homophobic Language, Human Hale Family, Ice Skating, M/M, Romance, figure skating, ice hockey, ice skater!stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-30 19:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 50,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Danish_Biscuit/pseuds/Hopeless%20ships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To Derek Hale hockey was everything. It was the only reason he even tolerated High School and if given a choice the only thing he would be doing for the rest of his life. Some called him driven others called him fanatic.</p><p>Derek called himself determined.</p><p>Only one day a random meeting with a strangely fascinating young ice skater turns Derek's life upside down. A odd friendship blooms between them and Derek slowly comes to realise that his life isn't quite as simple as he thought. There might be more to life than ice hockey.</p><p> </p><p> <br/><em></em><br/>(update 2014-06-12 - all chapters have now been looked through by my beta and minor additions have been made to one chapter)<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can always find me on [tumblr](http://hopeless-ships.tumblr.com/) for updates or questions.
> 
> all chapters betaed by the lovely Ayla :)

To Derek Hale hockey was everything. It was the only reason he even tolerated High School and, if given a choice, the only thing he would be doing for the rest of his life. Some called him driven, others called him a fanatic.

 

Derek called himself determined.

 

That determination was the main reason Derek found himself standing on the side of the rink one early Saturday morning. He had hoped to get a little practice in before the rest of the team showed up, but he had been utterly baffled to find the ice already taken by a young boy.

 

The boy had so far only been skating around in circles waving his arms in long graceful movements and was generally looking a bit weird if you asked Derek. The boy seemed lost to his own world and the music Derek assumed was blasting his ears going by the tell tale white cord running down his chest.

 

The boy stopped with a shower of ice shards in the middle of the rink, head down and chest heaving. With a sudden jerk his long limbs set in motion and he took off like a bullet. Derek was mesmerized as he saw the young man jump and twirl in ways that made Derek dizzy just by looking at it.

 

Derek’s heart almost stopped when the boy suddenly fell, his leg giving out from under him as he landed after another dizzying twisted jump making him land on his ass. Only the boy just shook his head and smiled before getting up and continuing.

 

Derek had lost track of time, lost in the dark corners of his own mind. Hence his surprise when a teammate suddenly put a hand hard down on his shoulder. he only barely kept himself from jumping out of his skin.

 

"Hey Derek," Matt said with a big smile. Derek just nodded at the guy. He never liked Matt, there was something creepy about him that made Derek’s skin itch.

 

Matt never took offence. He was one of the many that just took Derek’s silence as a sign of him being quiet and grumpy. Not that they were far off, but in Matt's case it was because Derek didn't want to waste his breath. Instead of saving the world from his complete and utter idiocy, like Derek would have preferred, Matt decided to mouth off. As usual.

 

"Oh my god what’s that fairy doing here?" he asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Just look at that pansy, waltzing around. God, it’s just so lame," he moaned as more of Derek’s teammates appeared behind them. On the rink the boy was still twirling in happy oblivion.

 

Normally Derek was able to ignore the bullshit Matt was spouting at every given opportunity but this time he felt the anger rise hot and scorching in his stomach as his fists clenched at his sides, his knuckles aching to be introduced to Matt’s jaw.

 

"Hey ice princess!" Matt yelled with a self satisfied smirk, happily unaware of Derek’s plans to murder him at any given moment.

 

"Off the ice, time for the real men to use it for something proper." The boy stopped in another shower of ice shards, his eyes cold and unimpressed when he saw most of the hockey team staring at him from the sidelines.

 

"I got another five minutes so keep your knickers on Daehler." He yelled pulling out his ear buds.

 

"Oh believe me, _my knickers_ ," he sneered, "are staying on. No way in hell I’m taking them off anywhere near you, faggot." Again Matt looked utterly proud and Derek just wanted to smash his face in to the ice. Repeatedly.

 

"Ha, like I would touch you with any part of this glorious body," he gestured to himself, a mean glimmer in his mesmerizing amber eyes as he opened the hatch between the rink and the stands, sitting down to pull off his skates and exchanging them for a pair of barely living trainers.

 

"Nelly said you had a small dick anyway,” the boy added casually. “I like mine large preferably with a big hunk of muscle to go along with it." His eyes flickered to Derek for a nanosecond, unnoticed by all but Derek whose eyes still clung to the boy. He felt a blush spreading on his cheeks.

 

"Seems you lose on both counts, you can sleep safely Daehler. The big scary gays won’t abduct you in your sleep," the boy sneered as he pushed himself past the now complete Beacon Hills High School hockey team.

 

"Have fun beating each other up," he threw over his shoulder as he walked away, hips swaying almost seductively. Derek had a terrible feeling it was just to provoke Matt further.

 

"What a freak," Matt muttered just before Coach stomped in, berating them for just standing around like a bunch of pensioners waiting for the bus to Florida.

 

Through the rest of training Derek was distracted. Not in way that threw him off his game, because Derek had a long time ago learned not to let anything affect his game. But he just couldn’t forget about the boy with the big amber eyes.

 

He might have smashed Matt into the wall harder and more frequently than strictly necessary but it had nothing to do with the skater.

 

Absolutely nothing.

 

oOo 

 

Dedication was once again the reason Derek found himself in the ice rink an hour before he was supposed to be the following Saturday. It had nothing to do with the amber eyed boy from the weekend before.

 

But if it had been, Derek wouldn’t have been disappointed. Again the boy was there, earphones in place as he twirled away, lost in his own world. This time though Derek hadn’t changed into his gear so he found a dark corner and just stared, trying to convince himself he was gravely disappointed that the boy did indeed take up the time he had planned to use as extra training.

 

He had never really liked ice skating. No, that was a lie, he had never been interested enough to find out what it was even about. He always thought it was a girl’s sport. Too much glitter and elegant waving arms to be a _real_ sport _._

 

Though looking at the boy he had a hard time not swallowing his own words.

 

The boy didn’t seem girly, nor weak; quite the opposite in fact. The bulging muscles that could be seen through the extremely tight material of the boy’s pants spoke of power that could just as easily be found in Derek’s teammates.

 

The boy suddenly made a complicated move where he lifted his leg backwards over his head while spinning dizzyingly around himself.

 

Derek swallowed heavily, suddenly feeling warm all over. Well one difference was sure his flexibility. Derek didn’t even dare thinking about doing that move, because _ouch_!

 

Derek spent the rest of the hour in his corner in the back, eyes clinging to every little movement the boy on the ice made. Only just before he knew his teammates would arrive did he get up and walk out to the locker rooms. He wasn’t sneaking out of there; he was being polite and not interrupting the boy. Nothing more.

 

When he returned to the ice there was no sign of the boy, only the annoying chuckles from Matt who seemed to have an endless supply of gay jokes. If Matt left the rink with a limp it certainly wasn’t because Derek had tackled him. No certainly not. Derek would never behave in such unsportsmanlike behavior. Never. Matt was just a homophobic jerk that couldn’t keep his skates under himself when he got a little ruffled. _Asswipe_.

 

Hours later when Derek left the rink, bag hanging from his shoulders and hair still wet from his shower, he swore next week he would just go for a run instead. No need to be at the rink if it was busy. He didn’t even like figure skating.

  

oOo

  

Only three weeks later Derek was, like the all the previous Saturdays, perched in his dark corner watching the boy skate. He never made a sound, just sat there staring.

 

He was slowly turning into his creepy uncle Peter.

 

He always made sure to be in the locker rooms before the team showed up and somehow always found things he needed to talk with Matt about before practice, thereby keeping him away from the rink and the mysterious ice skater.

 

This was of course just pure accident and had nothing to do with the sudden urge to protect the amber eyed boy from more of Matt’s homophobic idiocy.

 

No, Matt was just not very good at hockey. _He wasn’t!_

 

Derek didn’t know what he was even doing here anymore or why he kept returning to this damn corner just to see some random guy strut around on the ice. I wasn’t like he did it on purpose; he got up, went for a run, ate, dodged his uncle Peter, and somehow always ended up an hour early for practice.

 

He just couldn’t stay away. 

oOo  

 

Derek hated Wednesdays.

 

Yeah, he knew Mondays were a bitch, Tuesdays were traumatizing, and there was something off about Thursdays, but for Derek shit always happened on Wednesdays. He met Kate on a Wednesday, found out why he should never have been with her on a Wednesday, lost Paige on a Wednesday and lost his first ever hockey match on a Wednesday.

 

Wednesdays were just not made for people like Derek.

 

All in all he shouldn’t be surprised that something happened when he looked back at the situation. The team had a long practice Monday and a short one every Wednesday and then a longer one again on Saturdays. Since he no longer could practice on Saturdays and Mondays were already a mess (Uncle Peter’s family night), Derek had no choice but to stay longer to practice on his own every Wednesday.

 

Like every other Wednesday things had gone straight to hell. Kate had been holding court in the cafeteria, her hungry eyes freaking Derek the fuck out so he didn’t get to eat, Harris had been on the warpath and since he hated the Hales for some unknown reason ( _cough, uncle Peter, cough_ ) he had made Derek’s life a living hell by quizzing him in college material chemistry the whole hour.

 

Derek didn’t even take an AP chemistry class.

 

So it was one unusually sullen and grumpy Derek that was hammering puck after puck into the net with angry determination while he thought about how much he hated Wednesdays. And like every time he was in this kind of mood his brain decided to remind him of every single failure Derek had ever had; everything from fucking Kate, to being so goddamn focused on a fucking ice skater with too large eyes.

 

I mean come on, Derek didn’t like guys. Not like _that_ anyway.

 

He was so focused on literally hitting away his anger he didn’t hear anyone approaching before he felt a hand on his arm.

 

Derek jumped, almost falling on his ass. He was ready to kill the jerk that had dared to even breathe within his reach. Only, when he turned around he met the big amber eyes of the damn ice skater that was pestering his thoughts at every given moment.

 

And oh, how Derek had been wrong. His eyes weren’t just amber. No they were the golden amber color of his father’s favorite single malt scotch with flecks of gold and deep chocolate brown.

 

Derek’s thoughts came to a sudden stop, as he could do nothing but stare at the boy, anger all but forgotten at the moment.

 

It was a foreign term for Derek to use about guys, but the boy was beautiful. There was no other way to put it. He had soft pale skin that was dotted with constellations of moles that made Derek ache to find patterns, and long dark lashes that made the large eyes stand out even more.

 

His hair was as dark as Derek’s, only with the softest caramel highlights reflected in the sharp light from above. It looked like his hands had been running through it all day and Derek’s hands ached to return some of the errant locks to their rightful place.

 

His soft looking lips were stretched in a shy curious smile as he took Derek in.

 

“Well hello,” he said softly. The shy smile suddenly turned flirtatious as he noticed Derek staring. Derek tried to stop but his body would not listen. His heart was beating away in his chest, trying to escape the constriction of his ribcage.

 

“Huh,” was all Derek seemed to be able to muster. This only made the boy smile wider.

 

“Sorry to interrupt but the rink is mine now,” he said tugging at the string of his royal blue hoodie. Oh God, he was wearing the tight pants again Derek noticed with an accompanying skip of his heartbeat. “Though if you want to stay and watch me train you’ll be more than welcome,” the boy said looking at Derek from under his lashes.

 

Derek's mind closed down completely.

 

“Adashga,” Derek said blushing at his own idiocy. He boy just giggled moving a little closer.

 

“You know I'm not busy after this,” he said placing a hand on Derek’s shoulder. Derek just looked at it like it was an alien. “You want to get some coffee? Tea? Hot cocoa?” The boy said with faked casualness as he looked at Derek from under his lashes.

 

“You might even give me your name,” he smiled softly.

 

“Bye Derek!” Danny, the goalie yelled. He always stayed late to lift weights on Wednesdays in the connected gym, Derek suddenly remembered. The voice broke him out of whatever stupor he had been in and he swiveled in the direction of his teammate so fast he was in danger of falling on his ass, again.

 

“Easy tiger. We don’t want you to fall,” the boy said placing an arm around Derek.

 

At the sight of his teammate and the sudden shock of the boy’s arms and his waist Derek’s senses seemed to return and he wrenched himself away from the boy with a jerk that once again threatened to land him on his ass. This seemed to be the theme of the day. The boy looked at him confused, and to Derek’s chagrin maybe a little hurt.

 

“Sorry, I’ll go now,” Derek muttered as he practically flew over to his things grabbing the loose pucks and leaving the ice as fast as humanly possible.

 

All the time he felt the boy’s eyes burning into his neck.

oOo

 

Derek spent an hour outside the rink that Saturday, determined not to go in. He had sworn to himself he wouldn’t do this and if asked he would have no answer to what he was even doing here.

 

Derek was just a routine person; it had nothing to do with him wanting to see the boy again. Not at all.

 

And if staying in the car until he had to go get ready for practice himself was the hardest thing he ever had to do, then no one needed to know.

 

oOo 

 

It was a Friday afternoon and thankfully school was over. He just needed his annoying sister to get her ass out to his car so he could get the hell out of there.

 

He hadn’t seen the boy since the week before when he had behaved like a damn caveman and then run off like a scared little girl. He had practically run out of practice Wednesday trying not to see the boy again, even if he knew there was an hour from the time the team ended practice until the boy showed up.

 

Cora finally appeared at the door chatting with a big group of her friends. Derek really didn’t pay much attention until he spotted the boy. His long lean arm wrapped tightly around his sister as he made her giggle and laugh in a way that was rare for Cora.

 

Derek’s heart stopped dead in his chest and his lungs seemed to shrink and disappear into nothingness, leaving his chest empty and hollow. He didn’t recognize the feeling but it made his stomach ache and twist, bile raising as he saw the boy kiss Cora's cheek before drifting into the back of the parking lot.

 

Derek stood still, not a muscle moving as his sister skipped over to him a big bright smile gracing her face.

 

“Hey brother dear,” she smiled moving for the passenger side before stopping. “Why are you imitating a Greek statue?”

 

Derek couldn’t speak. He was on total lockdown. He was so confused; he didn't understand why he felt so disappointed that the ice skater had kissed Cora? It made no sense inside his head.

 

Cora was looking at Derek trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly she groaned annoyed.

 

“Oh my God Derek. You got to be kidding me!” She moaned shoulders dropping. “Stop playing alpha male over there. That boy was Stiles. He’s gay, not a potential boyfriend you need to bash up to protect my virtue from.” She looked furious, arms crossed and the patented Hale scowl firmly in place.

 

“Huh?” was all Derek could say. He seriously didn't get why his mind was not cooperating.

 

“I said he was gay, there is no need for you to be all angry looking big brother ‘if you hurt her I’ll kill you’ mode. I can assure you Stiles is as gay as they come and since I'm your sister and therefore have no dick I'm quite safe from whatever untoward actions he might want to do behind closed doors. Jeez!”

 

“Oh,” Derek thought was really rocking this speech thing at the moment.

 

“Yeah. Now get in the car mom is making roast beef to cheer your sorry ass up before your first match tomorrow, so move!” Cora huffed as he slid in to her seat.

 

“So this… Miles? Is he in one of you classes?” Derek asked trying to be smooth about it. Going by Cora’s less than impressed expression he failed miserably.

 

“Oh and now we’re civil. God Derek, your people skills needs some serious work, but yes Stiles is in one of my classes. We’re both on the design team in art. He’s a figure skater so he makes his own costumes. We’re teamed up, because you know I want to go into costume design and we just finished his outfit for his next competition, and Derek it so gorgeous. Royal blue suit like jacket and then we used these blue and silver rhinestone to make tiny ice crystals-“

 

“Okay I get the picture. Stiles really gay, lots of glitter, Nate would approve. Thank you Cora,” Derek interrupted a little freaked out by the rant his sister had just let out.

 

“Oh relax Derek, it’s just glitter,” Cora laughed. “You know Peter doesn’t mind glitter.”

 

“Yeah Uncle Peter is also married to Nate who wears nothing _but_ glitter,” Derek sighed turning down the road leading to their house.

 

“Well he was right that sparkly black sequined shirt he gave you last Christmas was pretty. It did make your eyes go oomph,” Cora giggled as Derek parked the car with a huff. He often wondered why his parents had forever ruined his life by having Cora only a year after him.

 

She was born on a Wednesday, need he say more?

 

oOo  

 

The locker room was loud, tense and filled to the brim with impatient hormonal teenagers. A swinging combination if you asked Derek. Luckily no one did.

 

Matt and Greenberg were chatting in the corner both looking like they’d won the Nobel Prize even if they were both benched for eternity. Why coach even let them on the team Derek had no idea.

 

Derek was ready. He’d had his first official freak out this morning but as soon at his foot stepped through the entrance, he’d calmed right the fuck down.

 

“So Derek what do you think we get today?” Isaac asked from beside him. Isaac and Boyd were the only two on the team Derek would call friends; they’ve played together since they were six. And Isaac was more like a brother now. He’d even lived with Derek for a while when they were thirteen.

 

“I'm thinking Lord of The Rings, King Theoden,” Isaac mused.

 

“300,” Boyd said.

 

“No way, he’ll save that for later. I'm sure it’ll be Lord of The Rings. You know what, five bucks I'm right,” Isaac challenged.

 

“You’re both wrong,” Derek smirked, “He’s going with Braveheart.”

 

“No way bro,” Isaac laughed.

 

“Just watch and see your money disappear,” Derek smiled just as Coach walked in.

 

“You have come to fight as free men. And free man you are! What will you do without freedom? Will you fight?” Coach yelled passionately.

 

“Told you,” Derek whispered gleefully. “That’ll be a five from both of you.”

 

oOo  

 

They’d won the game. Obviously, Derek was tempted to add. The Beacon Hills Wolves was the best High School ice hockey team in California. Derek’s plan was to win state and then he could get a scholarship. Hockey was all Derek Hale ever wanted to do and it was the only thing he was determined to achieve.

 

It was the most important thing in his life and he had time for nothing else.


	2. Chapter 2

It was Wednesday once again and naturally it was the day the high of Derek first win ebbed. Or rather crashed with a horrifying explosion that would rival any action flick Hollywood had ever produced.

 

Derek woke up too late, smashed into his closet door when he tried to put his jeans on at the same time as he tried to pull on a t-shirt, found out Cora had gotten a ride with a friend and never told him, discovered there was nothing to eat for breakfast because his mother hadn’t done the shopping yet and he was late for his first class.

 

And that was all before 8 am.

 

Derek was screwed.

 

When he was done with standard practice he was ready to kill someone, mainly Matt. The idiot had forgotten which team he was playing on and had been determined to continue to score goals in his own net. _Again._

 And of course the goalie, Greenberg (the asswipe), was absolutely hopeless, letting every single hit pass by into the net.

 

Derek seriously didn’t know what the fuck to do with them.

 

Murder was such messy business. Well, unless he used poison.

 

Derek knew he should just head home and go for a run but his skin was itching. Anger and disappointment were burning under his skin. He wasn’t suited for responsible driving just yet. So as soon as the rest of the team had left the ice Derek took off most of his protective gear and dumped it in a messy pile. He hurried onto the ice, skating along the edge as fast as he could.

 

The speed was one of the reasons Derek loved being on the ice to begin with. He liked running, the thump of your feet hitting the ground and the strain of your muscles, but it had nothing on the feeling of gliding through the air like a bullet.

 

When Derek rushed across the ice he felt free, like he was flying, no matter how cliché that was.

 

He lost sense of time; there was nothing but the cold air traveling down his lungs and the hard beating of his heart.

 

Eventually he had to stop though. He was sweating in his thin undershirt and panting for breath and though he could still feel the anger simmering beneath his skin he no longer felt like brutally murdering someone.

 

It was only when he neared the hatch from the rink he saw he had had an audience. Stiles was watching him from the sideline, a slight frown on his face. Derek really didn’t want to go near him; he was still a little embarrassed by his behavior the last time they’d met.

 

God the boy must think he was a complete jerk. Though Derek didn’t care. The painful clenching in his gut was just because he overworked himself. Nothing else.

 

The cooling sweat on Derek's body drove him off the ice though. As much as he dreaded talking to Stiles he didn’t want to get too cold.

 

“Rough day?” the boy asked as Derek stepped off the ice. Derek did _not_ notice how the boy’s eyes traveled over him. He didn’t!

 

“Yeah,” Derek muttered as he dragged on his fleece suddenly looking at the clock. Guilt filled his chest.

 

“Fuck your hour is almost up,” Derek hissed looking at the boy and expecting a shit storm, but Stiles just smiled.

 

“It doesn’t matter, there is no one scheduled after me and I happen to know that Coach’s wife makes meatloaf every Wednesday, and that Coach hates meatloaf. He’ll be here until eight and eat on the way home. He tells the wife he’s grading papers but he just surfing the internet.”

 

Derek had forgotten how beautiful the ice skater was when he smiled.

 

“So…” Stiles said. “What’s got the wonder boy of Beacon Hills in a tiff?”

 

“Greenberg and Matt Daehler,” Derek said before he could stop himself. He was still reeling from being called the wonder boy of Beacon Hills. He plunked down on the nearest bench and started to take off his skates.

 

“Well those two do represent the worst part of humanity,” Stiles smiled. “If you could bottle their brand of idiocy you would have a weapon of mass destruction on your hands. How they even remember to breathe is a mystery.”

 

“Yeah,” Derek muttered feeling the heavy weight of the awkward silence on his shoulders. His sisters were right; his people skills were shit.

 

“Actually,” Stiles muttered as he looked down, “I want to apologize for the last time.”

 

“Why?” Derek said without thinking. He frowned as Stiles continued to look down.

 

“Well, on closer inspection I realize I came on to you a little strong. It wasn’t intended to insult, I must have gotten the signals a little mixed up. I really thought you were interested and well, look at you. I just thought I might just jump in and take a chance. I realize I made you uncomfortable and I'm sorry,” he muttered.

 

“No don’t,” Derek said quietly. The boy’s head shot up and Derek almost got lost in his eyes. “I was a complete ass. You just caught me on a really bad day. You did nothing wrong.”

 

Stiles was now giving Derek a calculative stare.

 

“Er… I’d better go,” Derek muttered. “My mom is very peculiar about dinnertimes.”

 

“Sure,” Stiles muttered still staring at Derek with that piercing stare that made Derek feel like he was naked. Which was not something Derek wanted to think about right now.

 

Derek turned around, practically running from Stiles yet again. Jeez, what a thing to make a habit of.

 

“Oh and Hale,” Stiles yelled. Derek turned around hesitantly.

 

“You don’t have to sit in the darkest corner like a stalker. If you want to watch me practice at least come down so I can talk to you. And don’t sit in your car next Saturday, that is just silly.” He looked smug at Derek’s flabbergasted expression.

 

Derek didn’t dare speak, he simply turned and ran away.

 

oOo

 

If asked, Derek had no reason to be in the skating rink an hour early the following Saturday. He had, like always, promised himself he would stay away. And like all the other Saturdays he seemed to just show up anyway. It was like his body took over and only gave his head back the reigns once Derek was safely parked outside the rink. Much to Derek's displeasure.

 

Stiles was no good for him. He was a distraction and Derek did not need or want any distractions, not when he couldn’t even figure out why he was drawn to Stiles the way he was. Derek couldn’t understand why he became a tongue tied idiot every time Stiles was near. Derek was known for being a cold jackass with a horrible attitude and no manners, in the loving words of his sisters.

 

Though while he disliked talking to most people, it wasn’t like he couldn’t speak up when needed. One of the reasons Derek was the captain was because he had no issue calling one of his team mates an idiot when if one of them behaved like one.

 

So it wasn’t like Derek had ever been afraid to speak up, no quite the contrary. Actually Derek was one of the few guys who never stammered and made a fool of himself when asking girls out. Not that he did that a lot lately, but still. The point was Derek never got flustered or shy about anything.

 

But despite all this Stiles unnerved him and Derek didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all.

 

Contrary to all Derek's talk of doing the opposite he soon found himself standing by the side of the rink looking at Stiles as he skated along, jumping and twirling in the most complex of combinations Derek had ever seen.

 

So Derek might have begun to watch ice-skating in his room some nights, and he might have used YouTube to figure out what in the world Stiles was actually doing, but that meant nothing. Derek was simply curious.

 

Stiles was good. Like amazing Olympic material good.

 

Okay so Derek might have stumbled over a video of Stiles from last year’s national championship and if the commentators were to be believed Stiles was the brightest ice skater the U.S. had seen in years, he was practically already drafted for the Olympic team.

 

Derek also found out that Stiles wearing a very tight red suit like costume was very, very distracting. He couldn’t stop staring. It had to be the glitter.

 

“Hey, it’s wonder boy,” Stiles cheered suddenly pulling Derek from the depth of his mind. Stiles slid over and came to a sudden elegant stop right in front of Derek, that big cheerful smile once again present.

 

“Hey,” Derek said shyly, really having no idea what to do with himself.

 

“Hello, I'm glad you decided to come down, having you sit up the in the corner all alone was making me sad. You know there is no shame in being curious,” he smiled kindly though there was something glimmering in his eyes Derek could put his finger on.

 

“Sorry,” Derek muttered embarrassed and here he thought he was smooth and had stayed unnoticed.

 

“Shush,” Stiles scoffed, “I like having an audience. Good practice for the big events and well, all my friends have ditched me. They are a little sick of seeing me skate around,” he laughed.

 

“I'm Stiles by the way, Stiles Stilinski.”

 

“I know,” Derek said, immediately wanting the ground to swallow him up. Fuck. Stiles just lifted an eyebrow and smiled that flirtatious smile again.

 

“Erm, Derek, Derek Hale,” he muttered trying to find his backbone since it seemed to have evacuated his body. He wanted to run away again.

 

“I know,” Stiles smiled smugly before returning to the ice and resuming his twirling and jumping while Derek tried not to look like he was deeply fascinated with every movement.

 

oOo

 

“What do you call that move with your leg over our head and turn?” Derek asked an early Saturday morning, his voice loud in the silence of the rink.

 

Stiles gave him a look not far from the same one a parent would use to look at their child taking its first steps.

 

Okay so might have been the first time Derek said something that isn’t yes, no, maybe or a series of grunts Stiles seemed to be way too good at understanding the meaning of considering he barely knew Derek.

 

“A Biellmann spin,” Stiles answered with a flirty smile skating further out to the ice and folded himself into the move with an ease that only comes after hours of practice.

 

Derek might’ve been watching slack jawed.

 

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Derek asked as Stiles returned to the benches.

 

Stiles just laughed. “No Derek it doesn’t hurt. I'm pretty flexible,” he grinned while waggling his eyebrows suggestively. The laughter trailed after him as he skated away, ass swaying to the music in his ears.

 

Derek hoped Stiles didn’t notice the blush burning on his cheeks.

 

oOo

 

Derek had quickly learned that Stiles liked to talk. He liked to talk a lot, and preferably all the time. Though Derek had also learned to listen because Stiles didn’t ramble, no he was _telling_.

 

Though Derek hadn’t particularly liked the Wednesday he was told entire story of the male circumcision. But then again it was a Wednesday, out of all the horrors Stiles could no doubt tell poor Derek about the male circumcision was nothing. Now the Wednesday Stiles had told him about medieval torture instruments on the other hand. Yuck!

 

But sometimes Stiles would tell nice things, like when he meet Scott, his best friend, about a book he was reading, about his dad and so on. Also Stiles had been the reason Derek had gotten an A+ on his last paper in history. Who would have thought Stiles was able to list every single important event during the civil war.

 

This was the only reason why Derek was even listening to the constant chatter Stiles provided.

 

“Why hockey?” Stiles suddenly asked, making Derek look up from where he was tying his skates.

 

“My dad used to play,” Derek replied, pulling himself out of his own head, as he got on his feet and slid out onto the ice, joining Stiles who was already twirling a little.

 

“He thought it would be good for me. I was a quiet kid.”

 

“You don’t say,” Stiles giggled. “Took me a month to even get you down on the ice, and another two weeks to make you reply. Jeez I was beginning to wonder if you were mute.”

 

“Ha ha, very funny,” Derek grumbled. It was not his fault he wasn’t a big talker. “Anyway he thought it would be good for me to have some social interaction. Turned out I loved it.” Stiles just smiled, and they fell into a comfortable silence.

 

“Why ice skating,” Derek asked.

 

Stiles looked over a frown on his face. “My mother,” was his only reply and going by the tone of his voice Derek decided to drop it. A tense silence fell between them.

 

“So Greenberg scored his first goal today,” Derek said casually when the tension sudden became too much. He didn’t like it when Stiles was sad.

 

“Oh,” Stiles replied a little far away.

 

“Yes, in his own end,” Derek sighed despondently. He looked at Stiles who was biting his lip, before suddenly breaking down giggling.

 

“Oh dear tell me you told him off.”

 

“I threatened to rip his throat out with my teeth if he ever did that again. And Isaac asked if we needed to add nametags to the goals for the next match,” Derek smirked, his heart immediately feeling a little lighter at the sound of Stiles laughter.

 

 

oOo

 

For once Derek was late for practice, Harris had kept him after class wanting to taunt him even further with how utterly pathetic he deemed Derek’s paper to be. Like the ten minutes at the beginning of class hadn’t been enough.

 

With the way he was going on no one would believe that Derek actually scored solely A’s and B’s in all his other classes. Even before he started to listen to Stiles endless jabbering.

 

Derek was just happy someone else was going to grade his exam. Damn Peter and his pestering side effect on Derek's life.

 

To make this glorious Wednesday even better Derek stepped out of the locker room just to see and hear Matt pestering an annoyed Stiles. Derek briefly wondered why Stiles was even here since practice wasn’t until later.

 

All inner musings was suddenly stopped as Derek heard Stiles words.

 

"You know Daehler most homophobes are usually the ones who are most scared by their own sexuality. Now in your case I'm guessing it must be terrifying you," Stiles smirked with a smile Derek knew meant nothing good, Matt must really have crossed a line.

 

"Now I'm a nice guy so I'll help you out. I know this trans down at the Jungle, bisexual to boot. Now she likes them a little weird and loves guys like you. She got the upstairs done awhile back so you still have the tits you want but below there is all the cock and balls you can handle. She'll be kind," Stiles leaned forward making Matt step back a few steps.

 

“Maybe after a little tumble with her you might have some peace in your life,” Stiles bit off. “Now my fine gay ass has to go because I have better things to do than listen to a wannabe high school jock trying to be clever.” Stiles took a few steps before turning around and looking at Matt again.

 

“Oh and Daehler, My dad’s the sheriff, remember. If you ever harass me like that again or go anywhere near my locker I’ll have him arrest you. You got that?” Matt looked scared shitless.

 

Stiles marched passed Derek who lifted an eyebrow, Stiles just ducked his head as he moved past but not before Derek saw the glimmer of tears in his eyes. Derek's blood suddenly boiled.

 

“What the hell was that about?” he yelled at the now absolutely terrified looking Matt who looked more like he wanted to run and hide than tell Derek about what the hell had been going on. Derek looked at the other boys that had been present, urging them with his eyes to fess up immediately, but none of them said anything.

 

Derek ignored the sick twisting feeling in his stomach.

 

“Are we all going to keep quiet today?” Derek hissed.

 

“We didn’t hear what Matt said only what Stiles did,” Greenberg piped up from one of the benches.

 

“Matt on the ice, laps till you drop. This is my team and my team does not harass anyone. This isn’t even the first time I caught you harassing people and if I ever catch you doing anything like that to anyone ever again you’re off the team. Got it,” Derek growled.

 

Matt nodded meekly looking a little like he pissed his pants.

 

“And this goes for all of you!” Derek yelled. “Now get your asses on the fucking ice. We got a state final to reach.”

 

 

oOo

 

Stiles hadn’t shown up later for practice and Derek had left the ice rink with a hollow feeling in his chest.

 

The hurt look on Stiles face was haunting him the following day as he was drifting through the shelves in the library. He was looking for a book of Robert Frost poems but it seemed to have temporarily vanished.

 

Derek was slowly gathering the courage to go ask Ms. Foster for help finding it. He knew that as soon as she appeared the book would blink into existence and she would give him that special look that made him feel like an idiot.

 

His mom did the same thing about things in the fridge. It was creepy how she could find the jar of honey Derek had spent twenty minutes trying to locate in two seconds.

 

Derek was lost to his own thoughts so he didn’t notice the person next to him until they crashed into each other.

 

“What the hell,” Derek muttered as he suddenly found himself on the floor with an armful of strange teenage boy.

 

“Hey Derek,” the boy muttered from where his face was smashed into Derek’s chest. “Fancy crashing into you,” Stiles finished with a smile as tried to detangle himself from Derek. Derek felt a little warm as he felt Stiles hands on his chest as Stiles pushed himself up

 

“Want a hand?” Stiles asked now looking down at the very confused Derek still lying on the floor.

 

“Sure,” he muttered after receiving a confused look from Stiles at his silence. Derek's body seemed to think just staring was an appropriate response to the situation.

 

“Whatcha doing?” Stiles asked curiously, big amber eyes fixated on Derek as he tried to get himself and most importantly his own clothes in order.

 

“Trying to find a book,” Derek couldn’t help but lift his right eyebrow.

 

“Oh really Derek,” Stiles said annoyed folding his arm over his chest. Derek noticed a little smile trying to break free in the corner of Stiles lips and couldn’t help but smile himself. “In a library how clever of you,” Stiles smirked.

 

“Well I am. Only Robert Frost’s poems seem to be hiding,” Derek scowled at the shelves.

 

“You mean this one,” Stiles plucked one out of the area Derek had just been searching.

 

“How the hell did you do that?” Derek hissed grabbing the book out of Stiles hands.

 

“Talent,” Stiles smirked. “Paper for English?”

 

“No, I like his poems, thought they needed a reread this weekend since I'm going away for a game.”

 

“Oh, so no Saturday hang out,” Stiles said suddenly interested in his shoelaces.

 

“Unfortunately. I was going to tell you yesterday but you never showed up.”

 

“Oh,” looked up a little pink dusting of a blush on his cheeks. Derek wondered if he had really thought Derek wouldn’t tell him if he missed a Saturday.

 

“Yeah,” Derek said looking down at the book in his hand.

 

“Didn’t really feel like it,” Stiles muttered his shoelaces who was apparently still hiding the meaning of life. “So poems your poison?” Stiles said suddenly, cutting through the awkward silence.

 

“Sort of. I’ll only be in the bus two hours so I won’t have that much time and they calm me I guess. Also I’ll be interrupted by someone every third minute or so, so I don’t have time to focus on anything more substantial.”

 

“Always thought you were just a dumb jock but you aren’t are you?” Stiles said with wonder looking at Derek with those damn amber eyes.

 

“No, I try to avoid clichés,” Derek's smiled as Stiles laughed.

 

“Oh, by the way,” Stiles said after a moment, laugher dying quickly in his eyes. “Do you have anything to do with why Daehler for the first time in three years didn’t say ‘ _hey faggot’_ this morning when he saw me and the quite alarming bruise he has on his face?”

 

“Well I have told my team that anyone caught harassing anybody will be kicked off the team,” Derek said. “The bruise is because Daehler fell. Seemed he was tired after all the laps I had him doing yesterday, he simply didn’t see the stick lying on the floor. He tripped and slammed his face into a door,” Derek really tried to not sound gleeful as he said it

 

“And who’s stick did he conveniently fall over?” Stiles asked with crossed arms.

 

“Well…” Derek stalled, “mine might have slipped out of my hands when he walked past me. But to be honest I didn’t really see, I was texting Cora,” Derek smiled innocently.

 

“Oh you where, were you,” Stiles said sternly, only the big broad smile took most of the edge off.

 

“Yeah,” Derek smiled.

 

“Thanks,” Stiles muttered shyly.

 

“No problem,” Derek said smiling at the shy looking Stiles. Only his curiosity suddenly got the better of him. “What did he even say? Nobody heard, or rather no one wanted to admit to having heard anything.”

 

“Oh nothing I haven’t heard before. It was stupid to get so upset about it. I mean everyone think I want to jump every guy I met, they love to make assumptions about me loving everything sparkly and ‘gay’ just because I like to sleep with men. And the best is once they start to think it contagious. Because dear lord, death would be kinder than having to kiss someone of the same gender. I mean I'm gay, I don’t have the freaking plague.”

 

Stiles had grown more and more agitated as he spoke and Derek couldn’t help himself he placed a hand on Stiles shoulder, feeling him almost crumple under his touch.

 

“Shush,” he whispered pulling Stiles into a hug. “I get it. My uncle Peter is gay and the shit I heard him tell is awful. What he hasn’t been called over the years,” Derek sighed pulling Stiles closer to him.

 

He could feel Stiles almost cuddle in to him and it reminded him very much of Cora when she was sad. Though on second thought, it really didn’t. Stiles was firmer in his arms, hard defined muscle and bones could be felt clearly under the soft plaid of Stiles shirt. And he was warm, really comfortably warm.

 

Derek wanted to stay here holding him forever.

 

“Though it’s nothing compared to his husband,” Derek said hoarsely a whole lot confused about the mixed signals in his head. “I mean Nate was thrown out of his dorm when he went to college and his parents aren’t even talking to him anymore. Though how anyone could mistake Nate as anything but gay I don’t know, he wears a feather boa every Friday night without fail,” Derek wrinkled his brows.

 

“He insists on wearing glitter all the time and has this crazy notion that I need to wear more pink and he gives me sequined shirts every Christmas,” Derek huffed. In his arms Stiles was suddenly silently shaking.

 

“He tried to dress me up as a princess for Halloween when I was five. Claimed he was trying to erase gender roles. I just wanted to be a pirate.” Stiles was now openly laughing into Derek's neck.

 

“Oh my god,” he gasped, still laughing. “Tell me you have pictures.”

 

“Laura has,” Derek sighed. “She uses them as blackmail often. But in my defense I was the most terrifying princess pirate anyone has ever seen and everybody thought I was Cora anyway so it wasn’t _too_ bad.” Derek couldn’t help but smile at Stiles.

 

They were silent for a while, Stiles still giggling into Derek’s neck.

 

“Stiles?” Derek asked suddenly no longer able to handle his curiosity. “Do you really know a trans woman who you would set Matt up with?”

 

Stiles giggled some more before pulling back a little. Derek was content not letting go completely.

 

“Yes, I do know a trans woman, and a few drag queens and more colorful people than most of this school could ever dream of. Would I ever let them suffer the company of Daehler? Definitely not. Tanya would eat him alive. She lives and breathes for pissing off homophobes and she likes a challenge.” Stiles smiled.

 

“She actually told me to tell him that when I complained a few weeks ago. Said that would most likely shut him up. Clearly none of them had thought about you playing super hero.” Stiles rested his head back on Derek’s shoulder, humming content.

 

“Stiles? Stiles!” someone was whisper shouting from the other aisle. “Where are you? Stiles!”

 

Stiles stepped out of Derek's arms with a slight tint to his cheeks, just before a slightly tanned brown eyed guy turned the corner, virtually lighting up as he saw Stiles. He skipped over smiling, barely stopping before he crashed into them. He was practically vibrating in excitement.

 

“Stiles, Allison just smiled at me,” he gasped sounding out of breath. Stiles reached into the boy’s pants pocket drawing out an inhaler.

 

“Breathe,” he said sternly watching as the boy took a few deep breaths. “Okay, continue.”

 

“Allison just smiled at me. She needed a pen and I let her borrow mine,” he said dreamily. Derek could help but lift an eyebrow. Stiles just rolled his eyes the boy who now just smiled like a lovesick cartoon character.

 

“Well done Casanova, at this speed she actually might talk to you in 20 years. Well done.” He praised, only a little sarcastic and he herded his friend down the aisle.

 

Derek certainly didn’t feel a little lonely after Stiles left. Absolutely not.

 

oOo

 

Derek was head deep in his locker Friday afternoon when he suddenly felt someone next to him. He straightened his back. Stiles standing next to his locker, smiling.

 

“Good luck Sour Wolf,” he grinned before pushing off the metal and disappearing down the hall.

 

 

oOo

 

Derek was still thinking of Stiles when he was sitting in the locker room the next day. He couldn’t stop smiling at the absolutely ridiculous nickname either.

 

“Okay what is up with you Derek?” Isaac asked both eyebrows well up on his forehead.

 

“Nothing,” Derek muttered, suddenly finding the inside of his bag very interesting.

 

“Oh so that thing you’re doing with your mouth is completely natural?”

 

“I have no idea what you talking about,” Derek mumbled.

 

“You're smiling,” Boyd said from the other side of Derek.

 

“So?” Derek replied, now having given up trying to hide in his bag. It was too small anyway.

 

“You never smile Derek, we’re in a strange locker room just before a very important match and you're smiling!” Isaac exclaimed, arms waving in the air above him.

 

“I smile,” he scuffed, folding his arms over his chest and scowling at Isaac.

 

“Now that’s how you normally look,” Isaac said looking at Boyd who just nodded in agreement.

 

“Just drop it,” Derek hissed annoyed. He could feel his mood crumbling already.

 

“Okay, sorry,” Isaac muttered. “I just wondered if something happened. “I haven’t seen you like this since…” he trailed off. He didn’t have to say anything, the silence before Paige was clear.

 

“Yeah,” Derek just muttered letting silence fall between them. The chatter around them was loud as usual, the mix of nerves and hormones slowly but surely reaching its peak.

 

“So what do you think it’ll be today?” Isaac asked clearly trying to make thing right again. “ I think he's going with Lord of The Rings, Return of The King. You know Aragorn before the gate of Mordor,” Isaac mused.

 

“No way, definitely Spartacus. I heard him mutter it on the trip down here,” Boyd smirked pulling on his jersey.

 

“You’re both wrong,” Derek couldn’t help but smirk. “Important match, out of town. It’ll be 300.”

 

“Oh you’re on,” Boyd laughed.

 

“And so my king died,” Coach yelled loudly, as he stormed into the room, holding a stick high in the air, almost smacking a few of the players in the head. Derek smiled as he felt both Boyd and Isaac cram a five each into his hand with an annoyed sigh.

 

oOo

 

“I won’t be here next Saturday,” Stiles said the Wednesday after. Derek, who was skating in a lazy pace around the edge of the rink, looked over at Stiles who was wringing his hands.

 

“Oh,” was all Derek could say.

 

“I'm going to the Southwest Pacific Regional Championship,” Stiles muttered nervously.

 

“Well, that good,” Derek said. “Now that turny jump thing what is that called?” Derek smiled as he heard Stiles giggle at his ignorance.

 

oOo

 

Derek didn’t like how fast he figured out where Stiles’ locker was. It was a little too like Uncle Peter if you asked Derek, which no one luckily did. Derek knew, from Cora of all people, that Stiles would leave for the Southwest Pacific Regional Championship after school Thursday.

 

Derek remembered Stiles wishing him good luck but he didn’t really have the guts to do the same, he also knew that when Stiles wasn’t in the rink he was usually followed by Scott and Derek really wanted this to be private.

 

Instead he used most of Wednesday night and Thursday morning to fret over what to write on the good luck card, generically decorated with a fluffy kitten and an overabundance of pink flowers accentuated with gold glitter he had dug out from one of the drawers in his mother’s office.

 

Yes, it was tear-inducingly ugly but Stiles would most likely love it for that exact reason.

 

In the end Derek went with a messily scrawled ‘Twirl the shit out of them Stiles – xo D’ underneath the tacky gold colored preprinted Good Luck.

 

He slid it into his locker during lunch break.

 

His heart didn’t flutter when at the end of the day he opened his own locker to find the corner of a notebook page with the words, ‘Thank you, I will Sour Wolf ;) – xx S’ on it. It really didn’t.

 

And he sure as hell didn’t keep in in the box under his bed reserved for Derek's most treasured memories. He didn’t!

 

oOo

 

The following Wednesday Derek found himself with an armful of Stiles. The boy had jumped right onto the ice and without a single word practically jumped into Derek’s arms.

 

“I won, I won, I won,” he chanted, nearly vibrating in excitement in Derek's arms.

 

“Of course you did,” Derek muttered, trying to ignore just how much he enjoyed having the boy pressed up against him.

 

Also I wouldn’t do to let Stiles know that Derek had checked the result on the internet Sunday night.

 

If Derek's arms felt empty once Stiles skated away and made a triple loop in pure joy Derek tried not to notice. Stiles was just a friend.

 

It wasn’t like Derek even liked him that way.

 

oOo

 

“Come on Derek, how can you prefer Wolverine over Batman? No one is cooler than Batman.”

 

“Stiles Wolverine has knives, actual knives, shooting out of his hands. The most lethal weapon Bruce Wayne has is his sullen scowl and constantly bad mood. I mean he has to rely on a bunch of shiny toys to catch the bad guys.”

 

“Sacrilege,” Stiles yelped grasping his heart.

 

“Oh come off it you goof,” Derek laughed giving Stiles a push, making him slide backwards.

 

“I mean it Derek, it hurts.” He held a hand over his chest, bunching the fabric of his red hoodie in his fist. “Oh my poor aching heart,” Stiles couldn’t hold back a laugh, which in turn just made Derek laugh harder until he had to bend over and clutch his aching stomach.

 

When Derek looked up Stiles was suddenly closer, those big eyes trained on Derek with that deep fascinated look Derek hadn’t really seen in his eyes since the first day they spoke. Derek suddenly found the last traces of laughter disappear like someone had blown out a candle. And deep in his chest a warm tingling feeling started to spread rapidly through his body.

 

Stiles was suddenly closer, almost touching Derek. And Derek couldn’t explain why but he couldn’t move. Derek's eyes were desperately flickering from those mesmerizing amber eyes to his soft slightly pink lips.

 

Stiles tongue slid out, running around the edge of said lips, making them glimmer slightly in the harsh light. They were so close now that Derek was sure the air he was breathing in was the same Stiles had just exhaled.

 

Derek was startled when he discovered he wanted to lean it. He wanted to kiss Stiles so hard it was physically painful. Like he was under water and the only breath of fresh air was Stiles’ lips. Never had he felt like this, so desperate for such a simple touch of skin. Not with any of the girls he kissed before.

 

But Derek didn’t understand why. He wasn’t gay. He didn’t even _like_ like Stiles.

 

With a shrill ring Stiles phone cut through the bubble where Derek and Stiles had stood, frozen in time and space. Derek jumped away, for once not falling on his ass, but only almost.

 

“I’ve got to go,” he stuttered as Stiles’ phone continued to blare from the bench, echoing in the empty rink.

 

“Sure,” Stiles said, sadness and hurt clinging to the corner of his eyes. Awkwardly they both returned to the benches, Derek hurriedly taking off his skates and just throwing the pads and gear he had discarded after his standard practice. He didn’t feel like showering and changing in the locker room right now. He just wanted to run away.

 

“See you later,” he muttered as he swung his back over his shoulder. In the last possible moment he met Stiles eyes and saw him looking miserably at Derek. Guilt twisted in his stomach but his head was a mess and he had begun to see Stiles as a friend, a close friend even. Certainly one he couldn’t live without anymore.

 

With a single sad nod Derek ran out the door.

 

To Derek hockey was everything; it was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that had ever mattered in Derek's life. It was his future and all ever he wanted, only now Derek wondered if he had been wrong. Maybe he wanted more.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek didn’t understand anything anymore. His head was a fucking mess and he couldn’t focus on anything. He was mediocre on the ice last practice, and he hated that he couldn’t deliver 100% when he needed to.

 

If he continued like this he might as well join Greenberg on the bench.

 

Hockey was everything to him, but after the mess with Stiles the other day it had been all wrong. Hell he hadn’t even shown up for their normal hangout before practice on Saturday and he practically ran out of practice Wednesday for the same reason.

 

Avoiding Stiles.

 

His heart began to hammer away in panic every time he as much as thought of the boy.

 

He was completely thrown off his game and he couldn’t allow this to happen to him. Dammit he had a match tomorrow and Uncle Peter and Nate were coming, even if they were busy. He couldn’t disappoint them by being a total idiot and fucking everything up like it was his first time on skates.

 

Derek fucking knew how to move on the ice. He hadn’t fallen on his ass without a reason since he was six. And it was all Greenberg’s fault. Somehow.

 

The team was so close to getting to State. Now was so not the time to completely fuck over his life because a damned ice skater distracted him.

 

But Derek really didn’t understand. He had wanted to _kiss_ Stiles, one of his best friends. Why?

 

Yes, sure Stiles was sort of pretty, no actually he was drop dead gorgeous. And a man was allowed to think another man was beautiful. There was nothing homoerotic about that, thank you very much.

 

And Derek was certainly not gay. Not at all. Maybe a little bit bi but certainly not gay. No sir!

 

Derek fell back on his bed in a huff. He was straight dammit, come on he had a homosexual uncle, a married one at that, he would have known if he was gay. Wouldn’t he?

 

He had always dated girls. They were pretty and they smelled nice. He liked how their skin was always so soft and warm.

 

But the amber eyed ice skater was pretty, he smelled nice and Derek knew his hands were soft and warm. Actually Stiles was always nice and warm. He looked huggable if Derek had to be honest. Oh, and his lips were so…

 

Derek threw a pillow at the window. It belly flopped on the floor with a quiet huff. With a growl he pulled his laptop into his lap finding the first and best porn he could. He was not gay and he certainly didn’t like the fascinating ice skater. Time to get distracted by something Derek liked. Porn. Good old fashion man on woman sex. That was what he needed.

 

Only the man pounding into the woman did nothing for him, he just stared until her fake high moans became to annoying.

 

Ever since the almost sort of kiss with the younger ice skater Derek had been watching porn almost aggressively. But it did nothing. His dick didn’t even twitch. He looked down at his boxers in despair. Even his own cock was working against him.

 

Dammit he needed to stop thinking about Stiles. He was psyching himself out. That was all this was, his own head playing tricks on him, making him freak out and slowly begin to spiral into insanity.

 

Yeah, that sounded convincing.

 

With a sigh he closed the window and opened another video hoping the fifth hundred time might be the lucky one.

 

He looked at the guy as he pounded into the woman who was lying on the bed, ass high in the air, with little hope only to be thoroughly surprised. He could feel the slightest stirring as he looked at the muscles in the guy’s ass as they tensed and released with every thrust.

 

He watched as the guy threw his head back and came with a long pained groan. With shaky fingers Derek closed the window again. His heart was beating out of his chest, almost running away from him.

 

With air trapped in his hollow chest he clicked open a different video. The kind he never watched. Two guys were lying on a bed kissing and caressing. One of them had a scatter of moles and a tuft of wild short hair. He reminded him of Stiles.

 

Derek's cock was suddenly achingly hard and he placed the laptop next to him, releasing a quivery breath of air and trailed a hand down his underwear. He groaned quietly when his hand closed around his dick.

 

He came embarrassingly fast, air rushing from his chest in hurried gasps as cum splattered on his stomach. On the screen the Stiles-look-alike was getting fingered by his partner, his head thrown back in pure ecstasy.

 

Derek slammed the laptop closed rushing to his bathroom to clean up, feeling the burning blush on his cheeks as well and all consuming shame eating through his stomach. What had he just done?

 

Later in the dark he kept a steady chant of _I’m straight, I'm straight I'm straight,_ until he fell asleep dreaming of soft pale skin dotted with moles and hooded amber eyes.

 

 

oOo

 

The locker room was just as loud it always was, but Derek didn’t care as it centered him and for the first time since the _incident,_ as he had taken to calling it in his head, he felt grounded and calm. The rush of nerves about the match had burned out any leftover mess from last night and left his mind clear.

 

As long as he didn’t think of Stiles that was.

 

“Okay Derek, what’s up,” Isaac said plunking down on the bench next to Derek.

 

“What do you mean?” Derek mumbled suddenly very focused on the placement of his elbow pads.

 

“I mean the thing that has had you in a fit for the last week and a half and whatever made you unusually cheerful Saturdays and Wednesdays before that,” Isaac said with a lifted eyebrow.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Oh you don’t,” Isaac said in a voice that sounded anything else than convinced.

 

“Not at all,” Derek muttered now looking at his shin guards.

 

“You're an idiot,” Isaac hissed. “What the hell is up with you Hale? If I didn’t know better I would say you were in love and didn’t want anyone to find out.” Derek fingers stilled and so did his breathing.

 

“Which speech do you think Coach is gonna use this time?” Boyd interrupted from Derek's left. With a sigh of relief he looked up at his other friend suddenly praising god for his existence.

 

“I think it’ll be Apocalypse Now,” Boyd continued ignorant of the conversation he had interrupted.

 

“Nah,” Isaac said giving Derek a look that told him the conversation wasn’t over yet and the bell had only saved him for the moment. “He’ll definitely go with Armageddon.”

 

“Nope, you’re both wrong,” Derek smirked gleefully, “he’ll be using Lord of the Rings, Aragorn's speech from the gates of Mordor,” Derek smiled as the door to the locker room slammed open and Coach stormed in jumping up on a bench, almost stepping on Greenberg in the process.

 

“Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!” Coach yelled as Derek reached out a palm on both sides smiling smugly as he felt a five being placed in each hand.

 

The sounds of his best friends groans was like sweet music to his ears.

 

“Never challenge the master,” he muttered as he stuffed the money in his bag.

  
oOo

 

Derek was hugging the life out of Isaac. The referee had just blown the whistle proclaiming that the Beacon Hills Wolves had just beat the ever-loving shit out of The Hampstead Groves Hyenas.

 

Who even used hyenas as a mascot for an ice hockey team?

 

Derek felt like he could fly. There was nothing like the high of victory.

 

He looked to the stands, releasing a giddy Isaac into Boyd’s embrace. His parents and Cora were on their feet cheering, Jason was clapping with the joy and enthusiasm only a four year old could produce from his seat on their father’s shoulders.

 

Peter was whistling so high that Derek could hear it clearly over the noise in the rink. Nate was crying in joy, clinging to Peter’s side. Derek could see him easily since he was wearing a red shirt with what appeared to be a wolf head in silver and grey sequins neatly place on the front.

 

Derek would never get his uncle’s husband’s fashion sense.

 

As he walked past the bleachers towards the locker room, he heard them, no one he knew but they were speaking loudly, clearly not caring if their harsh words were heard by anyone.

 

“It disgusting throwing it peoples faces like that,” a man hissed revolted. “That kind of perversions should be kept away from teenagers. What if they saw and thought it was normal behavior. I'm telling you it against nature for a man to sleep with another man. It’s unchristian that what it is!”

 

“It’s those Hales,” a woman hissed. “They think they rule the town just because they have money. May they burn in hell! You don’t think the oldest boy has the same problem as his uncle? I won’t have my Jonathan bathe with a sick pervert like that. What if he touched my poor boy?”

 

“He was with that Argent girl remember? So don’t worry. Also Jonathan isn’t friends with him. But I’d be watching him anyway if I were you.”

 

Derek felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over at Isaac who just looked at him sadly.

 

“Don’t listen Derek, they don’t know what they they’re talking about.” But some words were hard to ignore. Derek had learned that the hard way and the joy of his their victory was already suffocated.

 

 

oOo

 

To celebrate the win the whole Hale family was gathered for dinner, or well now it was to celebrate their victory. If the team had lost it would just have been consolation. Though the Hales never needed a reason to get together.

 

Only Laura hadn’t been able to drive down. She had a paper to hand in. Derek was bummed about it because out of all his family Laura might be the one he was closest too. She just got him.

 

To add to the whole ordeal she hadn’t been home since she left in late August and going by her sounding more and more guilty every time Derek talked with her he guessed she wouldn’t be home before Thanksgiving or maybe even Christmas.

 

Even if Derek and Cora had “Uncle’s night”, as Nate had named it, once every Monday it was kind of nice for the whole family to be together. He might tease his uncle Peter and he might think he was creepy but after he found Nate ten years ago he had calmed down.

 

Or rather now he didn’t actually seem like a stalker.

 

“Congratulations Derek,” Nate smiled warmly, throwing his arms around him. Derek couldn’t help but smile at the newly added shimmery red scarf wrapped around Nate’s neck. Like the shirt hadn’t been glitter enough.

 

“Thank you. Did you solve your issue with your book?” Derek asked after have given Nate a little tighter hug than perhaps necessary, the conversation he had overheard still clear in his mind.

 

“Oh yes!” Nate smiled, “Seems there was a trapdoor, its all better now. Oh there’s Isaac!” Nate squealed and ran off to the Hale’s honorary member. Derek couldn’t help but smile. After Derek at the young age of thirteen had seen bruises on Isaac after practice, he had gotten his parents involved. Isaac now lived with his grandmother but was considered a Hale by Derek’s entire family. He even had his own room.

 

“I never understand how a man who’s almost thirty five can have that much energy. I'm getting tired just looking at him,” Peter said from behind Derek. He didn’t jump. Much.

 

“Hey Peter,” Derek said giving him a hug. “He’s is a little like this ice skater I know, only he talks all the time.” Derek made a face, “Though why he had to tell me about the way to butcher an entire cow the other day I don’t know.”

 

His uncle was very quiet so Derek looked at him with a raised eyebrow only to see Peter was looking at him the exact same way. “What?”

 

“I never heard you mention this person before,” he mused curiously.

 

“Well there was no reason to,” Derek muttered defiantly.

 

“Oh is she pretty?” Peter asked eager. His family had been a little worried after the whole Kate thing. Especially considering what happened to Paige.

 

“It’s a he, and I don’t know. I suppose.”

 

“Oh you suppose do you,” Peter grinned.

 

“Stop being creepy.”

 

“Me, creepy? Never,” Peter said as innocently he possibly could. Derek swore he could almost see a halo hovering over his head.

 

“Nate, Peter is being creepy,” Derek yelled.

 

“Peter!” Nate sounded horrified. “Go help your sister.”

 

“But-“ Peter tried to object.

 

“No, Peter now!” Nate hissed lifting an eyebrow. The only one who could ever boss Peter around was Nate; there was a reason they were still together. Nate never fell for Peter’s tricks and would have none of his shit and he sure as hell wasn’t afraid to put Peter in his place. Sometimes Derek wondered if that was why Nate had been the only long-term boyfriend Peter had ever had.

 

“Yes dear,” Peter said sending Derek a sullen look as he walked out of the living room. Derek couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Nate might be a little shiny but you couldn’t help but love the shit out of him.

oOo

Even though dinner was lovely Derek had some serious problems enjoying it. He was back to thinking about Stiles, about the homophobes he overheard and his uncles. It was all turning into one confusing vortex.

 

And ever since he’d seen Nate and Peter just _‘be’_ in some sort of weird couple symbiosis as they set the table he couldn’t stop imagining how he and Stiles would look after a few years. Which in turn made him even more confused because he didn’t want a relationship with Stiles.  

 

Once he was done with the pie he practically ran to his room, slamming the door behind him and collapsing on the bed.

 

He stared up at his ceiling in total and utter despair.

 

And now he was becoming a drama queen, great, he thought bitterly. He kicked a pillow at the end of the bed so it fell off the bed. Hitting the floor with what Derek deemed to be an annoyed huff.

 

Damn thing had it coming.

 

There was a knock at the door, the sound ripping Derek from his mind and making him jump.

 

“Yeah,” Derek huffed annoyed, really not wanting anyone to interrupt his private mental melt down.

 

“What’s up?” His uncle said dumping himself next to Derek, actually just where Derek had his legs lying a moment ago. Before he was forced to move them that was.

 

“Nothing,” Derek muttered as he glared at his uncle.

 

“Hey, don’t look at me that way. There was a vote and they seemed to deem me the best to talk to you. Though I did have to force Isaac to stay away. They seem to think I will be better suited to bear the wrath of an angry teenager.” His uncle gave him a sideways look.

 

“Or they decided it was better if you just held a grudge against me instead of them,” he muttered with a wry smile.

 

“Nothing is wrong I'm just tired, that’s all.” Derek fought the urge to cross his arms and pout. He was an adult dammit.

 

“Hmm, I might not have the big emotional range of the rest other members in this house but even to me that was unconvincing,” Peter said with a lifted eyebrow.

 

“Well it’s my business,” Derek snapped. “Not yours.”

 

“Is this about a girl?” His uncle asked suddenly looking hungry. Jeez the man was more gossip hungry than Mrs. Johnson in the pharmacy. Derek never forgot how she knew Isaac was moving in with his grandmother before Derek did. And he had been sharing a room with Isaac at the time.

 

“None of your business,” Derek hissed.

 

“Oh, so it is a matter of the heart. Maybe I should have sent Nate up here instead,” Peter mused.

 

“Dear lord,” Derek moaned. “I just needed some time alone. Okay.”

 

“You don’t seem very happy about this girl. Is she like Kate? Or your groupie, what’s her name Jennifer, Janet… Jane?”

 

“No, and its Julia,” Derek huffed. “And she’s not a groupie Peter. Jeez! She’s fifteen.”

 

“The way she’s looking at you. Definitely groupie. She has that stalker vibe, like she would like nothing more than to sex you up. That or sacrifice you to a heathen god.” Peter mused.

 

“You stalkers recognize each other?” Derek snapped.

 

“Oh yes, we have a secret handshake and everything,” he winked. He freaking winked at Derek.

 

“Out,” Derek hissed. “Now.”

 

“Touchy,” Peter smirked. “Definitely someone else then, someone important. Interesting.”

 

“There is no one.”

 

“Yet, I would say going by your blatantly obvious tension. You’re practically brimming with unresolved sexual tension. Not even you could be so rigid that a roll in the hay wouldn’t have loosened you up.” Derek must have looked like he had been hit over the head with a door because Peter just laughed. Derek on the other hand was busy trying not to think of Stiles and sex.

 

“No nothing going on, you say. My oh my, Derek I feel dirty just sitting here,” Peter laughed. Clearly he enjoyed this way too much. “Just look at that blush, definitely a tenner. I'm impressed.”

 

“Out,” Derek tried in vain.

 

“No way this is way too good to miss.” Peter was looking like the cat that had got the canary. “If I had known this I wouldn’t even have made Nate promise me a blowjob as payment.”

 

“Oh my god Peter!” Derek yelled, “Out.”

 

“Sorry,” he just laughed, clearly enjoying Derek's mortification more than anyone should be able to.

 

“So I take it she’s serious but you haven’t done anything about it, and knowing you and your sore lack of social skills I'm guessing you fucked it all up very nicely. Am I right.”

 

Derek just sulked.

 

“I am then,” Peter said a little surprised. “Huh, she must be something.” Derek felt the guilt turning in his stomach he really should correct his uncle. But he just couldn’t make his mouth work.

 

“It’s different. Like a lot different,” Derek finally managed to spit out.

 

“Well maybe that a good thing. I mean there wasn’t much luck with Kate now was there,” Peter sneered. “I think you need to figure out if you want to go for it. If you want this to be something, you have to make up for what you did. If you don’t then there is no need to sulk. Move on and,” he waved his arms a little, “focus on your hockey like you normally do.”

 

Peter looked at Derek a little sadly. “You know just because Paige died and Kate was…er… Kate, doesn’t mean everyone will be like that Derek. This someone who might be just what you need.

 

And you like her; otherwise you wouldn’t be this upset. The question is if you’re willing to risk it.” he got up with a sigh.

 

“I’ll tell the others you’re just people tired right now but came back down in an hour okay, Isaac is staying over and the poor boy looks like he is ready to bolt. He thinks he did something wrong.”

 

“Okay,” Derek muttered not really noticing his uncle leaving. His head already busy with figuring out what it was he really wanted, because he might not like to admit it, but Peter had a point.

 

oOo

 

Derek had worked himself in to a small fit by Monday. He knew he had to make up with Stiles or whatever you did when you made one of your best friends mad at you. And you might sorta kinda like them a little bit.

 

His Sunday had basically been one long porn marathon all ending in the same result, him focusing on the guys and ignoring the girls. And once he gained enough courage to try out the gay porn again…

 

Well, Derek just wanted to know why had he never tried gay porn before, it was so much better than the other stuff. And a guy could think that with out being gay couldn’t he?

 

Okay, so Derek might be a little bisexual and he might be interested in Stiles. In the wanting to kiss him and have his way with him in the most sexual and dirty kind of way that was.

 

In other words Derek was freaking out and that was putting it mildly.

 

But no matter what Derek might have tried to convince himself over the weekend, the fact was he liked the strangely fascinating ice skater and he wanted to spend as much time with him as he could.

 

He needed to talk to Stiles, and as terrifying as it might be, it was something he needed to do. He hadn’t realized how close they had become until he was no longer a part of Derek's life for the last week.

 

Derek didn’t want to wait until Wednesday before meeting up with Stiles, mostly because, well, Wednesdays were just shit and Derek kind of wanted the universe to be on his side.

 

And it was a much proven fact that the universe took great pleasure in tormenting Derek every single Wednesday.

 

So come Monday afternoon Derek was sneaking into to the rink. He knew from Stiles’ endless chatter that Monday night was his scheduled practice hours with his coach, some kind of hot shot who drove up just to train Stiles once a week.

 

The minute he stepped into the rink he could hear the strains of classical music. It was a rather bombastic piece Derek mused, fast and loud. Quite fitting for the younger man.

 

Like he did back in September he snuck onto the bleachers, finding his dark corner once more.

 

Derek had always thought Stiles was incredible talented but to see him perform like this, like it was the real deal was amazing. He was so graceful and fluent in every movement and after every jump he landed hard and smooth, not a waiver in sight.

 

“Stop, stop, stop,” a heavily accented voice yelled as the music abruptly turned off.

 

“Szczęsny,” she yelled. Derek couldn’t help but lift his eyebrows in surprise at the complicated word she had just said. He wondered if that was Stiles’ real name, because then no wonder he liked to be called Stiles.

 

“What is up with you słoneczko?” she slid over to the annoyed looking Stiles. “Where is your passion, eh, where is the love, the feelings słoneczko, huh?”

 

“Is it that boy?” She asked when the young skater didn’t say anything. “You know I kill the boy if he hurt you!”

 

“No, not him, dammit I'm just not feeling it tonight.”

 

“Szczęsny, you’re so close to getting to the nationals, you can not let stupid boy hurt you like this.”

 

“Just leave it,” the young man snapped before he skated away.

 

“Okay, we do it your way,” the woman huffed loudly. “You get to pout and be little boy. Next week I want to see passion and love when you skate, not a robot.” The young man remained silent and she just sighed, her shoulders dropping. “ I love you Szczęsny, okay. Even if you are silly. Say hi to you father okay?” Stiles just nodded skating in lazy circles.

 

“Boys,” the woman huffed before walking out. Derek heard the door slam shut hard a minute later. Stiles was still gliding restlessly on the ice. Derek couldn’t see him that well from his corner but he looked sad. Derek might have felt a little hollow inside when he realized that.

 

Derek took a deep breath and moved from the bleachers with his skates slung over his shoulder, he still didn’t know what he would say once he faced Stiles. He had a speech almost planned when he entered the hall, but now he was just about to step onto the ice he was no longer sure what he was even going to do.

 

He mostly wanted to run away.

 

“Hey,” he muttered once he reached the skater. Who naturally was so surprised by Derek's sudden appearance he fell flat on his ass.

 

Derek could only look on in horror.

 

“Oh my God, Stiles are you okay?” Derek hurried behind the younger man trying to get him back on his feet.

 

“Derek? What the hell are you doing here?” Stiles sounded angry and there was still that little twist of hurt around his mouth.

 

“Er…” Derek really needed to work on the whole communication thing. Clearly he needed some practice.

 

“Well, I'm busy, sorry I can’t chat.” Stiles huffed detaching himself from Derek's arms, gliding towards the edge of the rink.

 

“Stiles wait!” Derek yelled rushing after him.

 

“What, Derek,” Stiles huffed. “You know I get it. You just wanted to be friends and I didn’t understand that so instead of saying that you run off for a week and didn’t even bother talking to me.”

 

“I'm an ass,” Derek said. The young skater just blinked at him a few times.

 

“Yes you well and truly are,” Stiles huffed crossing his arms after what felt to Derek like eternity.

 

“Sorry,” Derek said.

 

“You better be, Sour Wolf,” Stiles muttered. Then he sighed. “Friends,” he reached out a hand to Derek.

 

He told himself it wasn’t disappointment that filled his stomach like lead. He didn't want to be more than friends in the first place.

 

“Friends,” Derek repeated.

 

“Good. Don’t do that shit again, this was your one and only ‘ _I'm-a-jerk’_ freebie.” Derek nodded.

 

“Then come on, Sour Wolf I thought of a new step for my choreography,” Stiles smiled and Derek sensed that the discussion was over.

 

oOo

 

The next week the relationship between Stiles and Derek was off. Derek didn’t know if it was because he was regretting more and more not moving for something more than friendship with Stiles when he had the chance or if Stiles was trying to keep his distance. Which he was, even if Derek couldn’t put a finger on exactly how. He just seemed less bright and the chatter was a little more impersonal. Stiles seemed closed off and distant and Derek hated it.

 

He hated that tense middle stage they seemed to be stranded in, but he hadn’t dared move for more. Especially not now when they were friends again. The fear of getting rejected by Stiles had suddenly taken up firm residence in Derek's stomach along with the constant doubt about him actually being gay.

 

It made for a nauseating mix and Derek found himself eating less than usual. Something his mother had clearly noticed by the pointed looks he received.

 

Though Derek guessed he shouldn’t complain. He could be completely Stiles-less.

 

It was late Friday afternoon, school had let out an hour ago but Derek had been stuck in the library helping Miss Toff rearrange some furniture. She was one of the younger teachers and was equipped with a pair of big blue eyes that made all the school’s boys obey her every command simply because one could not say no to that eager and hopeful stare without feeling like you killed bunnies for a hobby.

 

It was her superpower and she used it often.

 

This was the reason why Derek immediately spotted the skater on the abandoned parking lot. He was parked a few rows down from Derek and currently had his head down under the hood of his car.

 

“Car trouble?” Derek asked when he got closer, making Stiles jump and almost hit his head on the hood of the car. Derek, now used to the otherwise so talented skater being a little less elegant (read clumsy as hell) when he was off the ice, just pulled his arm till he was out of the hood’s reach and sighed.

 

“Oh, hi Derek,” Stiles smiled. Derek couldn’t help but notice that it wasn’t as bright as it used to be. “Yeah it seems Roscoe doesn’t want me to have a nice day,” Stiles said glaring at the car.

 

“I could give you a ride,” Derek offered. A little more time with Stiles seemed like a good idea.

 

“Really?” Stiles asked hopefully.

 

“Yeah, my car is just over there,” Derek pointed to his baby gleaming in the pale late autumn sun.

 

“A Camaro, Derek? Really?” Stiles said barely containing his grin.

 

“Shut up, it was this or a Toyota. I thought this was the better choice.” He snatched Stiles back bag out of his hands and dumped it along with his own in the trunk. “Get in.”

 

“Can I drive?” Stiles asked looking at the car in wonder.

 

“No!”

 

“Spoilsport,” Stiles muttered as he got in.

 

“Soooo,” Stiles said after a while of him playing with the radio and Derek glaring at him until he stopped. “Why were you still at the school?”

 

“Miss Toff,” Derek grumbled.

 

“Oh, she got you with the eyes.” Derek just nodded as the younger man giggled like a small child. “Who would have thought sweet little Miss Toff would have all you fancy jocks by the balls simply by guilt tripping you with her eyes.” Stiles laughed, trying to sneak another channel change on the radio.

 

Derek just slapped his hand away.

 

“You know I'm so glad you were there today. My dad had was out when I tried to call him and for once I actually have something to do tonight,” Stiles chattered away and Derek ignored how much he enjoyed it.

 

“I mean I rarely ever get to go on a date so having to cancel just because my car decides to break down, ugh!” Derek blood froze in his veins. Stiles had a date.

 

“Oh, we’re here. I hardly feel like leaving these seats though. The jeep is not this nice. Well, I better run, my glorious self needs a little prepping before tonight if I want to have even a chance of getting lucky.” Stiles opened the door and was halfway out before he threw in a hurried “Bye,” and ran up the drive.

 

Derek sat as petrified, literally turned to stone. His brain kept flashing images of Stiles with another man, kissing him, touching him, and moaning as he touched Stiles.

 

Without even a thought Derek was out of the car, later he would realize he had thankfully remembered to lock it, even if he had no recollection of the action.

 

He practically ran after Stiles and caught him just before he closed the front door in Derek face.

 

“What the- Derek?” Stiles yelled surprised.

 

“You are not going out tonight,” he snarled as he slammed the door behind him. He could see Stiles’ temper igniting in his eyes; he was building up for one of the bigger shitstorms. Stiles had a vicious temper that made Derek's flare in response every time. But they didn’t have time for this. Stiles was disappearing out of Derek life like grains in an hourglass and Derek couldn’t live with that.

 

No, Derek wanted Stiles all to himself.

 

So Derek did the only thing he could do. He grabbed the skater by the front of his shirt and slammed him up against the wall next to them and kissed him with everything he had.

 

And oh, why hadn’t Derek done this before?

 

Derek could feel how Stiles grew rigid under him, his muscles and joints freezing as if readying himself to flee and for a brief second Derek was worried that he had done the wrong thing. But then Stiles moaned into the kiss and Derek heart skipped a beat as Stiles hungrily began to kiss him back.

 

Derek had never kissed a boy, he didn’t know what to expect. But it sure as hell didn’t feel like he thought it would. It was better.

 

Stiles lips were soft and warm, just like Derek had thought they were, and when Derek felt Stiles tongue slide along his bottom lip he didn’t hesitate to open his mouth and deepen the kiss.

 

He had no idea how long they stood there but slowly the kiss turned into small soft pecks and nips.  They were both breathing hard and Derek relished in the fact that the younger man was breathing in the air he had just exhaled. They were standing that close.

 

For once Derek was surprised by the discovery that he never wanted to be further away from Stiles than he was now.

 

“Don’t go,” Derek begged as he slumped into Stiles, hiding his faced in the crock of his neck.

 

“Damn Derek-” Stiles interrupted himself when he moaned. Derek had suddenly succumbed to the temptation of tasting Stiles’ collarbone. It looked too tempting. Derek didn’t even try to stop his smug smile.

 

“Jeez, Derek! Will you give me a moment to speak? That is the least you can do after attacking me like this,” Stiles huffed annoyed.

 

“I’m not sorry,” Derek muttered, trying not to let Stiles hear the fear in his voice.

 

“Well, neither am I Derek. I have only been dreaming of this since I saw you the first time so I'm not exactly complaining. But I do need to know if this is just you going caveman on my ass or if this is something serious,” Stiles sighed. Derek could feel the air leaving Stiles lungs run though his hair.

 

Derek just had to kiss Stiles again, he loved the feeling of Stiles’ pulse hammering away beneath is lips. It reminded him that he had made Stiles heart race just as fast as his own.

 

“I tried so hard not to fall for you. You can’t do this and then change your mind,” Stiles sighed, letting his head rest gently on the top of Derek’s.

 

“I'm not,” Derek said, as he squeezed Stiles closer against him, holding him like he never wanted to let him go. Which was actually pretty much true, Derek mused.

 

“I mean it Derek. I'm not an experiment for you to figure out your sexuality just to leave me high and dry when you’ve had your fill,” Stiles gasped as Derek kissed under his ear. Who could judge Derek for not being able to keep his hands to himself now he finally opened up to his desire to kiss Stiles all over like he, now that he admitted it, had wanted to do for a while.

 

“If we do this then it’s as boyfriends and one hundred percent monogamous. I don’t share and I like you too freaking much to keep it to casual fooling around. I only come with the whole relationship package.”

 

“I promise Stiles,” Derek pulled back and looked into the young skater’s eyes.

 

“I mean it Derek, all or nothing. I never love people by half and if we do this there is a very high possibility that I _will_ fall in love with you. So I need to know you won't just fool around and break my heart,” Stiles pleaded.

 

“I want this Stiles,” Derek said trying to infuse his voice with as much honesty as he could. He couldn’t lose Stiles.

 

“I want everything. I don’t know if I'm gay or bi, but it doesn’t matter because I only want you. Only you,” he said softly as he let Stiles search for the truth in his eyes. He might have struggled with it, but now when he had to make the choice it had been pretty simple.

 

He wanted Stiles. He wanted it all with Stiles, the rest could come later.

 

“You mean it,” the amber eyed boy said with wonder before he gave Derek one of his rare soft shy smiles. The one that made Derek weak in the knees and unable to say to anything Stiles asked for.

 

Derek wanted to kiss him again, and so he did.

 

“Just one thing,” Derek said cautiously afraid of Stiles’ reaction. “We need to keep this secret for now.” Stiles opened his mouth to protest.

 

“Not for long,” Derek promised. “I just need to figure out how to tell my parents and the team. I can't just dump it on them. I'm not ready for that yet. But I want you Stiles. It has nothing to do with you, just me. _I_ need to be ready,” Derek sighed.

 

“Me dating you, a guy, will make a lot of people angry and I need to be ready to face that. I'm not right now. So only thing I'm asking for is time. Can you give me that?”

 

“Only for a few weeks?” Stiles asked with what Derek assumed was an attempt at a lifted eyebrow.

 

“Only for a few weeks. I promise,” Derek whispered.

 

“Okay” Stiles smiled. “I guess I can wait with my plan to scream out the window that I'm dating Derek Hale, _the_ Derek Hale in fact.”

 

“Please don’t,” Derek pleaded though he couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Oh no, I also plan to get a t-shirt with the word _Derek Hale is my boyfriend, suck it losers_ printed on the front and _yes, the sex is great_ on the back.”

 

“You don’t even know that,” Derek protested.

 

“Like sex with you could be anything but great,” Stiles smirked. “And if not we’ll get better. Practice makes perfect you know,” Stiles purred.

 

Derek wasn’t sure if he was turned on by Stiles’ devilish smile or thoroughly freaked out.

 

“So loverboy, want to make out like the crazy teenagers we are on my bed?” Well, Derek didn’t need to be asked twice.

 

Hours later after a cancelled date and a text to Derek's mother informing her that he is staying at a friends house, Derek was lying on Stiles bed, his arms filled with the soft warm body of Stiles as he napped. They had only kissed, but that had been enough to tire poor Stiles out.

 

Derek might have been a little too proud about that fact.

 

Derek had a hard time understanding that Stiles understood that Derek needed time before making their relationship _‘Facebook official’_ as Stiles called it, jokingly Derek hoped.

 

The thought of coming out had worrying twist in Derek stomach, slowly poisoning the flickering happiness residing in Derek's chest. Because Derek knew homosexuality and sports didn’t mix. But he would handle it later. He had time and a wonderful boyfriend. Now he just enjoyed the feeling of Stiles falling asleep in his arms and Derek himself slowly drifting off to the slow rhythmic breathing of his boyfriend.

 

To Derek ice hockey was it. There was nothing more important in his life. Only now Derek thought there was something, or rather someone who was _almost_ as important. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Słoneczko is a polish term of endearment and is roughly the equivalent of saying sweetheart, or so my research told me. I hope this is right. Otherwise someone please correct me;)


	4. Chapter 4

Derek walked quietly down the hall. He was trying to look normal as he battled the need to look over his shoulder every third second. When he got to the door he knocked twice waited and then knocked twice again and then waited for the lock to turn.

 

The secret knock was a bit overkill for a secret rendezvous but who cared, it made Stiles happy.

 

The door before him was ripped open and Derek felt himself be pulled inside the dusty closet. Before he even knew it, he was in Stiles’ arms and the door was firmly closing behind him.

 

“Hello boyfriend,” Stiles purred.

 

“I have a name,” Derek mumbled as he pushed Stiles up against the shelves, a few rolls of toilet paper falling to the ground only to be thoroughly ignored by the lovers. Derek wasn’t able to contain his own sappy smile as he looked down at the young ice skater.

 

“I like boyfriend better,” Stiles smirked before stopping any protest Derek might have had with a deep kiss.

 

oOo

 

The loud bang that rang out in the empty rink when Stiles collided with the protective cover behind the goal was strangely satisfying. To Derek at least. Stiles just huffed in annoyance, sounding slightly breathless after being chased all over the ice by Derek.  

 

“Dammit Derek, be careful,” Stiles muttered between heated kisses; Derek's prize for catching the quick young man.

 

“Shush,” was Derek’s only reply as he practically devoured Stiles’ lips with his own.

 

“It’s been like two hours since the last time we made out,” Stiles hissed as Derek bit his earlobe. “And the race was for one kiss, not an R-rated make-out session.”

 

“You complaining?”

 

“Hell no,” Stiles groaned before he somehow managed to flip them so he was now the one pressing them against the guard running the length of the ice rink. “Why would I do that when I'm the one with a sexy sweaty hockey boyfriend who can’t keep his hands off me?”

 

Derek never got to reply, and if he tried, Stiles made it quite impossible.

 

 

oOo

 

 

“Stiles,” Derek groaned as the young boy once again tried to rid Derek of his shirt.

 

“Abs,” the amber-eyed boy muttered, lips far too busy worshipping Derek’s neck to really talk. “I want them.”

 

“Just, slow down will you,” Derek huffed, feeling more like he was dealing with an octopus than his boyfriend. Stiles had hands everywhere.

 

“Derek, are you okay with this being physical?” Stiles asked, suddenly dead serious. Those big golden eyes now filled with worry and the slightest hint of guilt.

 

“Yeah,” Derek muttered looking a little to the side, not really able to meet Stiles’ wide eyes.

 

“Okay, I’m getting off,” Stiles said removing himself from his position straddled over Derek's lap.

 

“No,” Derek protested immediately missing the weight and warmth of Stiles. He loved having him close.

 

“Hey if you're uncomfortable I wont take advantage,” Stiles sighed rubbing his face, looking at the clock. “My dad will be home in an hour anyway so we might as well cool down.”

 

“Stiles-” Derek tried again.

 

“No, Derek I'm sorry I didn’t want to-”

 

“I'm a virgin,” Derek suddenly squeaked.

 

Stiles just looked at him with big baffled eyes. “Huh?”

 

“I'm a virgin so I have no idea what I'm doing, much less what the hell I'm even supposed to do with a boy,” Derek muttered.

 

“Oh, baby” Stiles smiled. “Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out.” He relaxed back into the couch, pushing himself under Derek's arm like a needy kitten. “Wanna hear a secret?”

 

“Sure,” Derek muttered, still very embarrassed.

 

“I'm a virgin too. Only ever had a hand job from his guy last year at a skating meet. Total fiasco by the way.” Stiles shuddered and despite the raging anger at the mere thought of someone else touching Stiles, Derek could help but smile.

 

His boyfriend was beyond adorable.

 

“But you know what, we have each other and together we’ll figure things out, right?”

 

“Right,” Derek smiled.

 

“Now loverboy, show me those abs,” Stiles smiled wickedly almost rolling them both off of the couch in his haste to rid Derek of his shirt.

 

“What about cooling off?” Derek laughed while trying to keep his shirt in place.

 

“Who the hell cares? I need abs!” he shouted tackling Derek. This time Stiles did actually make them both fall off of the couch. Derek certainly did not find that adorable.

 

oOo

 

“I like this,” Derek said one rainy afternoon two weeks after they had started dating. Stiles dad had a night shift so Stiles had offered Derek dinner and a movie. The best version of the standard date two high schoolers could have when trying to keep their relationship secret. They had been wasting the time until Stiles actually had to start dinner with just lying on the couch watching mindless sitcoms.

 

“Huh?” Stiles asked, lifting his head from where it had been resting on Derek's chest. Derek's hand that had been drifting lazily through Stiles wild hair slid down to rest on his shoulder.

 

“I like this,” Derek repeated shyly. “Just being with you I mean. I like that we can just lie here and we don’t have to do anything or make out just because we can. Its nice.”

 

“Well it wouldn’t be much of a lasting relationship if I couldn’t just hang with you, dude,” Stiles smiled softly, completely ignoring Derek’s glare at the usage of _dude_.

 

“It wasn’t like this with Kate,” Derek muttered looking back at the screen, not daring to meet Stiles eyes. He didn’t know how much of the whole Kate business Stiles knew. Most people only knew the lies Kate had spread.

 

“Well, knowing you have a restraining order against her for some reason, I doubt your relationship was perfect,” Stiles muttered carefully.

 

At Derek’s surprised look he continued. “I overheard my dad one night. I was visiting him at the station. Not everyday you hear that the high school prince gets a restraining order against the high school princess. I mean some people thought you two were destined for marriage when you went to homecoming last year.” Stiles was now sitting up, waving his arms around him as he spoke. Derek did not find that endearing at all. He didn’t!

 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Stiles mumbled when Derek remained silent.

 

“I never really liked her,” Derek suddenly heard himself say. He looked at Stiles who was for once silent and calm, his hand gently resting on Derek’s thigh.

 

“I don’t know why I even said yes when she asked me out. I mean she is pretty enough, just not really my type.” Derek chose to ignore Stiles snort. “All the other guys kept telling me about how hot she was and when she then asked me at lunch one day. They were all looking so excited so I just said yes,” Derek sighed.

 

“And the first few dates were fine; I mean we went to the movies and out for coffee. It was all rather chaste. I didn’t really like her like that so that if could get away with only kissing her on her cheek, well,” Derek shrugged, “ it was fine with me. After a few weeks the kisses on the cheek were not enough she began to demand more. More kisses, more touches, always more physical. We couldn’t just be together without making out all the time. Even If I didn’t feel like her touching me so intimately after such a short time she wouldn’t stop. She got mad and forced me to kiss her.”

 

Derek grew silent again. He didn’t like this part. First of all because looking back he never should have gone out with Kate to begin with.

 

“Its okay Derek,” Stiles muttered. “You really don’t need to tell me.”

 

“But I do,” Derek said quietly. “Because you need to know why it has to be slow and why you can never ever get too close to Kate Argent.”

 

Derek was quiet again but Stiles let him take his time. “The night of Homecoming was different, she kept touching me and wouldn’t leave me alone. She was aggressive towards everyone who even dared looking at me. I mean, she began to yell at Isaac and he’s like my brother. The man spends every weekend at my place. There was nothing to be threatened about. She got so bad he had to leave early. Took me days to get him to calm down and stop apologizing.” Derek sighed.

 

“When I drove her home she was very quiet. Then just as we reached my house she practically threw herself at me actually trying to get her hand down my pants. She said homecoming was the perfect time to pop my cherry.”

 

Derek could feel Stiles’ fingers digging into the muscles of his thigh and looked up to see the young man looking infuriated. His lips were pressed in a thin line and the normally warm eyes were suddenly ice cold.

 

“When I got free from her grasp she was mad that I didn’t want to sleep with her. I told her I just wasn’t ready for that to happen yet but we could do some other stuff. But she just got angry. I told her that if had to be like this then we couldn’t be together anymore.” Derek frowned at the memory.

 

“Then it was like a switch had flipped, she started to say sorry and something about spiked punch. I thought okay, I maybe it’s not her fault. If she was drunk she might not have been in complete control. She was my girlfriend, I thought; why not give her a second chance? I followed her to her door, kissed her cheek and left.” Derek sighed deeply.

 

“The following Sunday she invited me over, telling me she wanted to make it up to me. I thought okay; maybe we could make this work. Everyone always thought we were perfect together anyway, so many wouldn’t be able to understand why I broke up with her. I thought I would give it a little more time then maybe the attraction to her would come. I mean, most of the time things were nice between us.” Derek muttered.

 

“What did she do?” Stiles said, voice trembling with anger.

 

“She tried to force me to sleep with her, again. When I refused she lashed out verbally.” Derek said emotionlessly. There was no need for Stiles to hear the names she had called him or how she had left Derek feeling small and ruined.

No one but he and Kate knew what had been said and that would never change. Hearing the word had left Derek crippled, he wouldn’t put that on other people. And he knew Kate had had some fair points, he didn’t want others to realize how awful Derek was. That Derek had had to hear those hateful words had been more that enough.

 

“After that I told her it was over and I left. I thought I would end there. It didn’t,” Derek spat remembering the torture the following weeks had been.

 

“Yeah I remember the rumors.” Stiles said carefully. “No one believed you really tried to force her to sleep with you, you know. I know it doesn’t make it better but everyone thought it was crazy. Also the other stuff that you were unable to… you know. Well no one really thought that was true either. I mean, it all reeked of sour grapes.” Stiles was silent for a moment before he smiled coyly at Derek. “And I for one know that part isn’t true. You just need the right motivation,” he said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

 

Derek hit him over the head with a throw pillow.

 

“Sorry,” Stiles giggled. “Always had a crazy vibe from her.” He muttered.

 

“You have no idea. I mean we haven’t even gotten to the point where my parents got a restraining order against her.” Stiles just looked at Derek; waiting, accepting of whatever Derek would chose to say. Even if he chose to say nothing at all.

 

“She broke into my house and stole some of my clothes and then later she broke in again, this time in the middle of the night. She crept into my bed trying to feel me up. It was after that surprise my parents decided to install a better security system and get a restraining order. Which was a good thing since two days later she broke in again and, by the evidence, tried to burn our house down.”

 

Stiles looked at Derek with wide eyes. “She what?”

 

“The evidence wasn’t conclusive which is why we couldn’t press charges but I looked like she tried to burn my house down. That was what made my parents get a restraining order. It didn’t help with the rumors but I gave her a reason not to get close to me. If she ever tries to get close to me again I’m to call the police immediately.”

 

“Jesus Christ on a pink bicycle,” Stiles stuttered. “That bitch is crazy!” and then suddenly Derek had an armful of Stiles.

 

“I'm so sorry Derek,” he whispered.

 

“It doesn’t matter. It has nothing to do with you, just stay away from her all right?”

 

“Like I would touch that infected she-devil with a red-hot poker,” Stiles mumbled against Derek's neck.

 

“You know Stiles I'm really glad I met you,” Derek whispered. He could feel Stiles smile against his neck before pulling back and giving Derek's lips a quick peck.

 

“Me too Sour Wolf. Me too.” He smiled, his whole face lighting up and Derek had to kiss him.

 

“What about we cheat on our diet and eat pizza tonight,” Stiles said after Derek had released his lips again.

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Derek smiled, feeling more at ease than he had in a long while.

 

oOo

 

Sometimes Derek still had trouble understanding he was dating Stiles, because while Stiles was endlessly fascinating he was also a serious pain in Derek’s ass on several occasions.

 

Derek could especially live without Stiles sometimes manic behavior, his never ending prattling, his stubbornness, lack of focus on anything that wasn’t skating most days and his asshole attitude.

 

Though right now, lying on Stiles bed, limbs entwined, and shirts pulled up - or in Derek's case completely off - it was hard to understand how he had been able to not kiss Stiles; because damn he was a good kisser.

 

“Oh my God, Derek,” Stiles moaned as Derek nipped at his collarbone, “Touch me dammit.”

 

“Where?” Derek mumbled as he busied himself behind Stiles’ ear making the man stutter and hiss.

 

“Where do you think?” Stiles hissed taking Derek’s hand and stuffing down it down Stiles underwear.

 

Derek froze completely has his hand touched the soft warm flesh of Stiles cock.

 

“Oh my God Derek. I'm so-” Stiles yelped, clearly understanding what he had just done by forcing Derek's hand. But Derek cut of his words when he wrapped his hand around Stiles’ cock, reveling in the foreign feeling.

 

“It’s okay,” Derek muttered adjusting his grip. “It’s just fine,” he smiled predatorily as Stiles hissed and jerked his hips, “Perfect, actually.”

 

oOo

 

After that night things got gloriously physical. Derek had thought he and Stiles had had a hard time keeping their hands, or well lips, off of each other before. Now it was even worse. Every moment they could get away with it was spent with him and Stiles pressed as close together as they could.

 

Derek was currently waiting in their closet. Stiles had just texted him that he had finally found a moment to be with Derek.  They hadn’t been together alone for two days.

 

Having two separate lives evolving around sport and a secret relationship had turned out to be a little difficult to plan out time wise, but they made it work.

 

Derek perked up as he heard Stiles knock. He almost tripped over his own feet trying to get to the door as fast as possible. He ripped the door up and pulled Stiles in, barely remembering to lock the door before he was kissing the younger man so hard the poor guy’s knees almost gave out under him.

 

“Oh my God, Derek,” the boy groaned as Derek pulled him right up against his body. “I need to.

-” Stiles tried to say but Derek silenced him with a kiss. That was until Stiles pinched Derek’s ass. Hard.

 

“Hey,” Derek snapped. And no he was definitely not pouting.

 

“Derek, my sweet hunk of man meat. I need to tell you something,” Stiles said ignoring his (not) pouting boyfriend. “I forgot to tell you I'm going to Sectionals next weekend.” Stiles looked at Derek with big eyes. Derek knowing his boyfriend had more to say just nodded.

 

“Well I was wondering if you wanted to come? Be my good luck charm,” Stiles smiled.

 

“Dammit,” Derek muttered remembering why he had an iffy feeling about the next week. “I have a match, I can’t.”

 

“Oh, that’s alright,” Stiles said, though he couldn’t keep all of the disappointment out of his voice.

 

“No but maybe-”

 

“Derek,” Stiles interrupted him. “Its fine. You have hockey and I have ice skating we can make it work. We can just talk on the phone before we both have to be on the ice. Seriously it’ll be fine.” Derek was still frowning so Stiles kissed him softly.

 

“You can still be my good luck charm,” he whispered seductively before he slid to his knees, hands going for Derek's zipper. “Now I’ve been thinking of doing this for the last two days, so shut up and let me blow you.”

 

Derek could live with that.

 

 

oOo

 

Derek was jiggling his knee nervously. He had just gotten in from a last minute good luck conversation with Stiles. And Derek had to admit the jittery nerves he had felt coming from Stiles though the phone had only added to his own. He just wished Stiles was here right now.

 

“What is up with you?” Isaac sputtered from his side. “You were eerily calm ten minutes ago and now you’re as jittery as Greenberg!” he exclaimed, exasperatedly gesturing to the jumpy figure of Greenberg who, true to his name, was looking a little green.

 

“I am not,” Derek growled.

 

“Yes you are, only difference is you are actually playing whereas Greenie over there sees nothing but the bench.” Isaac crossed his arms and lifted his eyebrow when Derek's only response was to growl.

 

“I wish you would just tell me,” he finally sighed, arms dropping to his side. “I get it if you feel a need to keep whoever it is secret but, Derek, it not like anyone will attack you for finally finding a girl to be happy with.”

 

Derek just continued to stare into nothingness.

 

At Derek’s continued silence Isaac sighed again, letting his head fall forward, the slightly too long curls hiding his eyes. “Derek it’s fine, if you don’t want to talk about her then it’s fine. I'm just glad you're happy. But I wish you’d trusted me enough to at least tell me that there was someone Derek.” Isaac grew silent, the noise from the stuffed locker room overtaking them for a moment.

 

“I'm sorry,” Derek finally muttered feeling the guilt rest heavily in his stomach. Isaac was his best friend. Had been since the day Derek had dragged him home after practice because Isaac had gotten a black eye and Derek had just known it wasn’t because he had walked into a door like Isaac had otherwise claimed.

 

To this day Derek still thanked whatever deity might exist for that that iffy feeling he had gotten. He didn’t dare to think where Isaac would have been if Derek hadn’t gotten him away from his father.

 

Six feet under was unfortunately not a bad guess.

 

“Its difficult. I want to tell you, believe me, but I'm scared,” Derek whispered. And if Isaac hadn’t been hanging on his every word he would not have heard it at all.

 

“When you're ready Derek, okay. When you're ready you tell me. Promise?” Derek just nodded hating the secrets and lies he had to tell but he was still so scared about what people would say. He just couldn’t do this now. He needed time.

 

“So I think it time to pull out the speech from Armageddon.” Isaac said smiling softly.

 

“No I'm sticking with Apocalypse Now,” Derek grinned back, happy with the change in subject.

 “No way. Boyd!” Isaac yelled, catching their other friend’s attention from further down the row.

 

“Yeah?” he said as he took the few steps closer to them, already bulked up in his gear.

 

“I'm betting on Armageddon but Derek here says Apocalypse Now. Your bet man?”

 

“You’re both nuts, he’ll choose something younger. Now I know he just had a Harry Potter marathon since he’s been calling Matt “Malfoy” most of the week, so five on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.”

 

“No way bro. He loves the classics for the big matches and if we win this we’re going to state so definitely an oldie but goldie,” Isaac huffed.

 

“Well, he should have been here five minutes ago. So we should find out soon.” Boyd said.

 

It was mere seconds before coach banged through the door, succeeding in toppling over Greenberg before he proudly yelled; “You smell that?  Do you smell that? Napalm, son.  Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

 

Derek couldn’t contain his grin at the agonized groan coming from both his friends.

 

oOo

 

“Yo, Derek!” Derek turned to see the captain of the team they’d just beaten walking towards him. He smiled at the slightly grumpy look on his old opponents face.

 

Derek had known Ennis for years, they’d been competing against each other since they’d both just started played ice hockey and if everything played out, would probably continue to do so in the NHL when they entered the professional part of their career.

 

“Ennis,” Derek nodded in greeting.

 

“Your team is good, well apart from the poof,” Ennis gestured to Greenberg who was fawning over Boyd. Derek couldn’t believe Greenberg actually needed Boyd to lift his damn gym bag into the bus.

 

“Who? Greenberg?” Derek asked a little baffled. “He’s not gay.”

 

“You sure?” Ennis glared skeptical at Greenberg who going by Boyd’s expression was trying to say thank you and failing horribly.

 

“Pretty much, caught him ogling Cora the other day,” Derek huffed, still not over the fact that Greenberg had even dared to look at _his_ _sister_.

 

“Hmm, just watch out. You don’t want a fucking pansy in your locker room,” Ennis shuddered. “Did you hear Ethan came out? Deucalion had to kick him off the team. Poor Aiden. Damn, wished I’d known before. Wouldn’t have shared a fucking locker with that douche if knew he was checking out my ass behind my back.”

 

Derek felt bile rising as his stomach twisted.

 

“Filthy faggots,” Ennis spat, “Should be dragged out on their filthy cock loving ass. They have no place in a decent sport like hockey. Disgusting swine pestering us normal men with their revolting perversions.”

 

Derek was desperately trying to come up with anything to say so when his cellphone rang, the loud trill breaking through his panic. He breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“Sorry, gotta take this,” Derek mumbled. Thankfully Ennis was busy staring daggers at a still gibbering Greenberg.

 

“Hi,” Derek said as he accepted the call. The nausea was still lingering after Ennis harsh words. Derek could feel panic and self-loathing flooding through him. This was what he was most afraid of. That was what people would react like if they found out about Stiles and him.

 

“DEREK, YOU WON!” Stiles yelled so loudly Derek had to pull the phone away in order not to damage his eardrums.

 

“Hi Stiles,” Derek sighed feeling the panic leaving him. Because he had Stiles and Stiles made him happy.

 

“Hi there, my very talented strong hockey boyfriend.” Derek could practically hear Stiles’ smile. “You’re going to state.”

 

“Yeah,” Derek felt the smile spread on his face. God he loved him.

 

Derek stopped breathing.

 

He loved Stiles.

 

“Derek are you there?” Stiles asked.

 

“Yeah sorry the guys distracted me for a moment. I think Greenberg is proposing to Boyd. He’s down on one knee.”

 

“Poor boy,” Stiles sighed from the other end. “Boy’s gonna get his ass kicked someday. Or maybe he should just marry Daehler. And then the rest of us can celebrate the fact that none of them can procreate without scientific supervision.”

 

Derek could help but laugh.

 

oOo

 

“I WON,” Stiles yelled the minute he opened the door the following Monday night. Derek couldn’t help but smile at him. He looked adorable, hair all over the place and a big stupid grin on his face.

 

“I know,” Derek laughed. “You already told me that when you called me yesterday.”

 

“You won too,” Stiles cheered pulling Derek into his house. Stiles dad had another late night shift because he had taken the weekend off to be with Stiles.

 

“Yes I did. Thank you for reminding me,” Derek smirked, loving the halfhearted scowl it earned him.

 

“Shush and let me cheer about my all powerful hockey God of a boyfriend will you?” Stiles huffed as he started up the stairs. “And enjoy the hard earned time off lover boy. You have no idea how hard it was to persuade my aunt to let me have this Monday off, she’s in full nationals mode.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I'm planning on enjoying myself alright,” Derek smirked watching Stiles ass sway before him.

 

“Boyfriend is feeling lucky is he?” Stiles smirked over his shoulder as he walked in to his room. Derek's only response was to grip Stiles’ arm and turn him around, pressing him up against the closet with his own body, kissing the breath out of the young ice skater.

 

“Boyfriend is indeed feeling lucky,” Derek whispered in Stiles’ ear, before returning to Stiles’ already kiss swollen lips. Whatever reply Stiles might have had was lost in the kiss.

 

Derek was quite proud of his patented bulletproof way of shutting Stiles up.

oOo

 

Derek was feeling like a caged lion. He had stayed in his room all day, ignoring school completely. No one even cared. Today of all days Derek could do as he wanted. But he still hated it. He hated the memories, the way he felt like he was being suffocated and the way he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Also everyone was walking on eggshells around him giving him looks when they thought he wasn’t looking. It was like they were afraid he was ready to explode.

 

They were right.

 

In the end I was his mother trying to smuggle more food on to his plate during dinner that set him off.

 

“JUST STOP IT,” he yelled. They all stopped and looked at him with that look of desperate pity. The one they barely stopped giving him a year ago.

 

He hated those looks.

 

He got up so fast he chair fell backward. The crash was loud in the quiet room and Derek hated how Jason eyes got big and scared. He needed to get away.

 

Later he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone how he got to Stiles house. He would worry about it later because; yeah driving while practically having a blackout was not a good idea. But at that moment he only had Stiles on his mind.

 

Derek ran up the drive, barely noticing that the Sheriff’s cruiser wasn’t in the drive, he hammered on the door as hard as he could, ignoring the pain it caused.

 

“Hey wait a moment Scott, someone is trying to knock down my damn house,” Derek heard Stiles say as he opened the door. Derek's heart rate fell and he suddenly felt calmer. Like Stiles had turned of the chaos inside Derek head and brought him right back to earth.

 

“Yeah, Scott I'm going to have to call you back,” Stiles said into the phone as he went from looking annoyed to looking concerned. “No everything is fine. Yeah, game night this Saturday definitely, see you tomorrow before school. Bye bro.”

 

Derek just walked in and wrapped his arm around him.

 

“Hey honey,” Stiles said softly. “What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s the anniversary of her death,” Derek whispered against Stiles throat. “Its been four years and it hurts,” Derek hated how the tears just started to fall.

 

“Oh Derek,” Stiles sighed. Gently he led them to the couch pulling Derek down on top of him. He kept running a hand through Derek hair, whispering soft words that Derek didn’t hear, but it didn’t matter because Derek was in Stiles’ arms and he was safe. It still hurt but somehow Stiles made it bearable.

 

“Paige was my best friend,” Derek whispered later once the tears had stopped and he could breathe again. “Her parent’s and mine have known each other forever. They met in college and my mom and dad would never have met if it weren’t for them.” Derek sighed feeling his throat close back up as the memories once again flowed through his mind.

 

“Me and Paige grew up together. We were each other’s first kiss, it was also our last kiss since we both felt like we were kissing a sibling,” Derek smiled weakly as the memory of Paige’s disgusted face drifted through his mind.

 

“Everyone always thought we would get married one day,” Derek sighed softly. “But we both knew it would never happen. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have Paige in my life. She was always there. My one constant in life that wasn’t a relative. Though she might as well have been. She was the one I told about crushes and annoying sisters.”

 

“She suffered from hemophilia so her parents were really strict about what she could and couldn’t do. It was all they ever argued about. I remember that I had to have my room done over a few times so she wouldn’t accidently hurt herself and begin to bleed. When she was fourteen they had an argument and she ran off. She sneaked into my place and begged me to go out into the woods with her. I didn’t think anything off it I mean it was the woods what could happen,” Derek hiccupped sadly.

 

“Shush honey,” Stiles whispered. “Breathe for me love, please.” Stiles sounded sad, “take your time sweetie. There’s no rush.”

 

“I don’t know how it happened, when where just walking and then suddenly she slipped and fell down this hill and into a fallen tree. I mean that never happens in real life does it?” Derek sobbed, holding Stiles closer.

 

“I have no idea how it happened. It was all just a blur but when I got to her she was already bleeding so much. She had this really big deep cut on her leg from a rock and all these deep scrapes all over from the tree’s broken branches,” Derek choked out trying not to cry again.

 

“There was so much blood and I just couldn’t stop it. I tried to use my shirt as bandages but it just soaked through. I tried to carry her but she kept crying and screaming in pain all the time,” Derek was now sopping into Stiles chest again. Deep hollow heartbroken sop that tore through Stiles like knives.

 

“Then she got very quiet. She asked me to stop, sit down and just hold her close. She was so cold,” Derek sobbed, “I never felt her being that cold before. She was crying, begging me to tell her parents that she loved them and that she didn’t mean to run away. We were so deep in the forest I couldn’t get her home.”

 

“It’s okay Derek,” Stiles cooed as if trying to comfort a small child. “It’s okay, hush baby. Please breathe Derek.”

 

“She died, right there in my arms,” he hiccupped brokenly. “I found out later that we were just a mile from the house,” Derek trailed off, breath trembling. “I couldn’t even keep her safe. I knew we shouldn’t have been walking around like that, and we didn’t even bring our phones. I knew there was unsafe ground there. I still can’t believe she’s gone.”

 

“Oh Derek,” Stiles sighed. When Derek looked up he saw the fresh trail of tears on his face. “It’s hell watching someone die,” Stiles trailed off.

 

“My mom,” Stiles whispered at Derek confused look. “When I was eight. She used to be an ice skater like my aunt. Before she met my dad. When I started to show signs of my ADD she slapped a pair of skates onto my feet and dragged me onto the ice.”

 

Derek snuggled back into Stiles. It was strange they could talk about this and Derek could still feel safe.

 

“She had cancer. Incurable, the doctors couldn’t do a thing,” Stiles voice hitched. “She just wasted away before my eyes.”

 

After that they were both silent. There was nothing more to say. But just before he fell asleep Derek vowed to keep Stiles safe. He loved him more than anything, but he would never let him get hurt like Derek had let Paige get hurt. He would keep Stiles safe.

 

oOo

 

Derek rushed through the door, a big smile on his face. His lips were still tingling from Stiles goodbye kiss at the rink. Though Derek’s happiness was short lived.

 

Cora was sitting on the stairs looking heartbroken and Derek was readying himself to find his inner big brother and go kick some sorry punk ass kid for messing with his sister when he caught sight of Nate and Peter sitting entwined together on the couch.

 

It looked like Nate had been crying.

 

Derek looked at Cora hoping she would tell him what to do. Derek was helpless in situations like this. Thankfully she just got up and gestured to Derek to follow her. She led them to his room and threw herself on his bed.

 

Now Derek was a little worried. Cora always did that when she was really upset. As long as anyone could remember Cora had crawled into Derek's bed if she had a nightmare. She always came to him for comfort.

 

Derek sat down bedside her, gently caressing her cheek. At her sad look he quickly got down bedside her folding her into a tight embrace.

 

“What happened Cora?” he asked quietly.

 

“Remember how Nate always wanted kids but Peter was really iffy about it?” She asked.

 

“Yeah,” Derek replied confused.

 

“Well, it seems Nate finally persuaded Peter and they had chosen to adopt this kid. You now how kind Nate is. Why have his own when he could save a kid who was unwanted.” Cora was toying with a loose thread of his t-shirt.

 

“It was perfect, they managed to get approved and had everything set up. The kid is from here but the mother is moving after the birth. She’s really young so her parents want to take her to a better place or something. But anyway the adoption was almost finalized. The girl had wanted to do most of it herself so it was only for the last part that her parents were present. When they discovered that the couple their daughter had chosen was gay they freaked.”

 

Derek could feel Cora’s tears dripping down onto his t-shirt, slowly soaking the fabric with her grief.

 

“Peter said they’ve worked so hard to get approved keeping it all a secret so no one would be disappointed if it couldn’t happen. And then everything fits. I mean Nate would be the perfect dad and imagine Peter scaring the crap out of anyone hurting his child. But because they are two guys the parents terminated the adoption and forced their girl to choose another family. I don’t get it Derek!” she sobbed.

 

“Easy sweetie, shush” Derek whispered past the lump in his throat. He got why Nate had been crying. Everyone knew how he had always dreamed of being a dad. There was a reason why Peter and Nate had them once a week. But playing part time bonus dads to your sister-in-law’s kids were not the same as having your own.

 

“I don’t either,” Derek said. Because there was nothing else to say. The world was cruel and unfair and it was always the good that suffered.

 

They remained lying on Derek’s bed for a while, only splitting up when Nate stuck his head in. At his envious expression Derek moved back as Cora did the same. Creating space for their uncle in the middle. Nate smiled gratefully before wrapping an arm around both of them holding tight like he did when they were kids.

 

As Derek snuggled into Nate’s soft sweater (pointedly ignoring the glittery scarf) he couldn’t help but think that this would be him someday. Judged and hated for the simple reason of loving a man.

 

oOo

 

The day Derek heard that Ethan and his boyfriend had been beaten up by a group of random hockey players Derek had to excuse himself from lunch and go puke in the bathroom.

 

Ethan had gotten his arm broken and his boyfriend had two broken ribs and a concussion. Poor Isaac had looked green when he told Derek, which meant it was bad, really bad. Meaning at least one of them had been close to taking the ticket bad.

 

Derek spent all of lunch period in the bathroom freaking out because that would be him and Stiles if anyone ever found out they were dating. He could live with the turning guilt and suffocating fear for the rest of his life if it kept Stiles safe.

 

He wouldn’t fail him like he failed Paige.

oOo

 

It was a Saturday night in the middle of December. Stiles’ bedroom was already decorated with long strings of glittering tinsel and old handmade decorations hanging randomly from the ceiling. When Derek had entered the room his first thought was that Nate would have approved.

 

They were all alone, again. The Sheriff was working another double shift, again, and as usual Derek was spending the night at a “friends” house. Well if you asked his mother that was.

 

Once Derek was done mocking Stiles for his decorations the two boys had settled onto Stiles’ bed planning to watch as few movies and just hang out.

 

That plan lasted for all of five minutes into the first movie when Stiles hands started to wander.

 

Right up under Derek shirt.

 

One wandering hand became one slammed closed computer, Derek's shirt in one corner of the room and Stiles’ in the other and both their pants in a puddle next to the bed.

 

All this happened impressively enough while they were busy pressing their cocks together and getting their hands on as much as the other one’s skin as possible.

 

And yes, if Derek hadn’t been wearing rose tinted glasses made of pure teenage hormones he would have laughed himself silly when Stiles managed to get lost in his own shirt. They really weren’t as smooth as they thought they were.

 

Derek was simply too distracted by Stiles, or rather Stiles’ body which he had grown terribly fond of over the last month and a half. He loved the long lean muscles Stiles had from hours and hours of ice skating as well as the yoga class he now knew Stiles took once a week.

 

They were different from his own, softer somehow. But still prominent, speaking not only of Stiles’ strength but also of his, Derek had to admit, quite impressive flexibility.

 

Derek loved the young ice skater’s defined chest with its faint sprinkle of dark brown hair. Derek had also developed an odd attachment to the faint line of hair trailing down Stiles lower stomach and straight to his cock.

 

He would never have thought a bit of hair could be so damn sexy.

 

It didn’t even matter that Stiles was a guy, Derek thought everything about him was beautiful, and Derek had to admit. No one had ever turned him on the way Stiles did.

 

All it took was a look from those scorching amber eyes and Derek was tenting his pants.

 

“Oh my god, Derek!” Stiles groaned loudly as Derek bit his nipple and started to kiss his way down Stiles’ abs, licking and biting the toned muscles as he passed them. Really tits were overrated when one could feast on firm defined abs and pecs like this.

 

“Please, I need more Derek,” Stiles groaned as Derek was busying himself pulling Stiles’ boxers off and kissing Stiles pale inner thighs as the soft skin was revealed.

 

Derek nipped the sensitive skin before pulling away, dragging Stiles boxers completely off.

 

“Whatever you want Stiles,” Derek said softly kissing Stiles’ swollen red lips and getting lost in the kiss. He would never ever tire of the absolute bliss that was kissing Stiles. With a needy whine Derek pulled away from the amber eyed boy’s lips returning to his place between his leg ready to taste Stiles.

 

Though before he got that far he was stopped by one of Stiles’ hands on his shoulder.

 

“No Derek,” he stammered.

 

“You don’t want me to blow you?” Derek must have looked as perplexed as he sounded because Stiles let out a nervous giggle. “Silly Sour Wolf I always want you to blow me, dumb ass, but I thought we might be ready to do more.”

 

“More?”

 

“More Derek, you know, ” he said nervously as he made vague gesture with his hands.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I want you to fuck me Derek,” Stiles groaned grumpily, slamming his head back on the pillow. “So much for being discreet and polite.”

 

Though Derek wasn’t listening to Stiles anymore, he had stopped breathing for a moment.

 

“Derek?” Stiles asked nervously, “you there baby? You know we can wait if you don’t want to I know its a little much but I really want to and we’ve been dating for a while. I’ve even been prepping myself all week so we could get to the good stuff a little faster. Or what I hope is the good stuff because I never done it remember? But I want to. With you and-” but didn’t get any further as Derek practically attacked him.

 

“Like that thought, do you?” Stiles giggled as Derek was kissing every inch of his face.

 

Derek just growled as he pulled his own boxers off, almost tearing the fabric in his haste, kissing Stiles at every opportunity. Derek had fingered Stiles several times before. Hell; he even let Stiles do it to him.

 

Did he have to mention it was glorious?

 

The accompanying blowjob had been mind blowing. And yes, Stiles had laughed when he said that. It wasn’t Derek’s fault Stiles had apparently sucked his brain out through his dick.

 

“Lube and condom in the top drawer,” Stiles moaned as Derek was once again busy biting his nipples. Derek tried to look graceful as he practically leaped for the drawer pulling the stuff out with fumbling fingers.

 

“Easy Derek,” Stiles giggled. “I'm not going anywhere.” Derek just glared which made Stiles giggle even more.

 

Getting Stiles ready was a fumbling mess of lube, but Stiles hadn’t been kidding when he said he had prepped himself. Derek’s first finger slid easily into Stiles opening, drawing out a moan from Derek’s lover.

 

“God damn Derek, you need to stop looking like that or hurry up,” Stiles groaned as Derek carefully slid in another finger bending them slightly and hitting a spot inside Stiles had him arching of the bed.

 

All hail the gods of Internet research, Derek smirked smugly.

 

“Dammit Derek,” was all Stiles could say.

 

Derek continued to prep Stiles, trying to coax out as many bit off curses and wanton moans as he could. When he deemed Stiles acceptably prepped (Read: when Stiles started to curse Derek so much Derek thought he better get on with the program in fear of getting slapped by Stiles) he pulled his fingers out and, with a shaky hand, rolled on the condom.

 

Since this was their first time it was far from smooth, Derek went a little to fast and Stiles thought it hurt a little more than it should getting practically impaled by his boyfriends cock. But with a couple of deep breaths and some agonizing waiting on Derek part he finally bottomed out.

 

He was inside Stiles.

 

And it was far better than he had ever imagined.

 

Once Derek had actually entered Stiles his mind went blank. This was everything, Derek decided. The tight heat and the feeling of Stiles stretched out beneath him. He had to look down, meeting the big warm amber eyes of his boyfriend who smiled crookedly back before he softly whispered “Move.”

 

When Derek pulled back only to slide right back in, he tried to angle his hips a little differently and was awarded by a deep groan from Stiles.

 

“Dammit Derek, do that again. Fuck,” Derek was only too happy to abide.

 

Soon Derek was lost in the mind blowing drag and pull as he thrusted into Stiles, trying to listen to every gasp and moan, making this just as earth shattering for his lover as it was for Derek.

 

When Derek couldn’t hold on anymore he came, mouth pressed into Stiles neck trying to swallow the desperate honest _I love you_ that tried to rush out.

 

Yes, Derek was that clichéd. Fuck off!

 

He pulled out, making Stiles whine desperately before Derek silenced him with a deep kiss. Derek was quick to grab hold of Stiles achingly hardened cock, smearing the drops of precome over the soft skin as he slid his hand down the swollen length. Stiles only needed a few drags up and down before he came in a mess of come and broken moans.

 

“Damn Derek,” was all Stiles could say and if Derek had the power he would have laughed. He found one more way to shut Stiles up.

 

oOo

 

Derek had just finished wrapping the last of his Christmas gifts. He liked to be early, who cared that it was more than a week to Christmas? Derek was prepared. He was not a grumpy old control freak as Cora claimed.

 

He looked at the last gift he had wrapped, a rather unevenly wrapped silver package with a deep blue ribbon. It was for Stiles and Derek had been driving himself mad trying to figure out what to give him. But in the end he was glad with the result. It might be a little risqué but it was for the man he loved so he might as well go all the way.

 

“DEREK,” his mother yelled from the bottom of the stairs “COME AND SET THE TABLE DARLING. DINNER IS IN A FEW MINUTES SO DON’T GET DISTRACTED.” Derek rolled his eyes. It had been one time. Okay maybe two times he ended up watching hockey and ignoring his mom. She just refused to forget.

 

Derek grumbled all the way down the stairs and was busy scowling at the cutlery wondering why the hell his mother wanted him to set the table for an extra person since he knew Isaac was eating with his Gran today, so he didn’t really notice that Cora had brought home a guest. Not until he looked up and straight into the guarded eyes of Stiles.

 

“Stiles?”  Derek said cursing internally as Cora suddenly came into the living room looking at them strangely.

 

“You know each other?”

 

“Er,” Derek mumbled, “He practices at the rink before us on Saturdays and after us on Wednesdays. We talk sometimes.”

 

“I'm afraid I’ve talked your poor brother’s ears off on a few occasions but who would blame me, look at that hunk of man meat.” Stiles teased in a light tone.

 

If Derek didn’t know him so well he wouldn’t have seen the dead look in Stiles eyes, like he was hurting.

 

“No I'm not agreeing to Derek being a piece of man meat because ew, but I will sleep well tonight knowing you have forcibly socialized my hermit brother. I was worrying the only thing Derek would ever willingly talk to was a hockey puck.”

 

“Hey!” Derek protested only succeeding in making Cora laugh.

 

“You’re just too fun to tease Der,” she smiled as Derek's parents entered the room, Jason shyly trailing in their steps.

 

“Oh hello, you must be Stiles; Cora has talked so much about you. She’s so excited to be working with you on your suit for the nationals.”

 

“Hello Mrs. Hale, Mr. Hale and mini Hale,” Stiles smiled nervously, his feet shuffling restless against the carpet.

 

“Shush, its Talia and Martin, oh and Jason my youngest. I'm afraid our oldest Laura is away at college.” Derek’s mom smiled warmly. “Now if Derek will finish setting the table,” she gave him a pointed look and Derek tried not to look like a five year old when he crossed his arms in annoyance. (He failed.) “We will be eating in a minute.”

 

Dinner was like always, a little chaotic and noisy but it turned out that Derek’s family loved Stiles. Derek’s father was constantly chuckling at Stiles and Cora’s banter and Derek wasn’t jealous that he had to watch his boyfriend hang out with his family and he couldn’t even kiss him.

 

Not at all.

 

For all that was holy Derek couldn’t even really talk to him since. Here he was, head over heels in love and he had to play disinterested and look like he didn’t care when Cora was fawning over the fact that their mother had just agreed to letting her go to the nationals to watch Stiles in January.

 

She had just made Derek’s life so much more difficult. How the hell was he going to be there when Cora was there too?  

 

“So ice skating,” Derek’s dad asked, “don’t see many boys volunteering for that.”

 

“No,” Stiles smiled awkwardly, “my mother got me into it. Her sister skated for Poland back before the wall fell. As soon as they could they left Poland, she met my dad and he rest in history. It’s actually my aunt who coaches me.”

 

“It a shame people have such prejudices about it though,” Derek’s mother muttered.

 

“I'm afraid I fully live up to the stereotype,” Stiles muttered nervously. “I'm the biggest cliché, as gay as they come,” he looked down to his food nervously.

 

“Oh don’t worry hon,” Derek mother was quick to say. “My brother is gay and I'm afraid you can’t live up to the ‘gayness’ that is his husband. We are a family who believes in free love.” She looked proud as she said it and Derek had to look into his own food. But he could still feel Stiles eyes bore into him from the other side.

 

He didn’t even have to say a single word Derek knew exactly what Stiles was dying to say.

 

And Derek hated he couldn’t do what Stiles wanted. To say that was one of the hardest dinners in the entirety of Derek existence was a slight underestimate.

 

Derek tried to get a moment alone with Stiles later, once most of the torture was over, but it was no use. Cora kept talking to him, refusing to let him out of her sight and Derek's mother seemed to deem that Derek’s sullen mood was due to having to hang around Cora’s new friend and kept giving him reasons to leave the living room.

                                                 

When Stiles left that night he looked wretched and miserable and Derek felt his pain. He wanted nothing more than to claim Stiles as his own but he couldn’t. Stiles would be hurt and he would never be able to play hockey.

 

 

oOo

 

“Hey boyfriend,” Stiles smiled as he slid closer to Derek the following Wednesday. He seemed to be in a better mood than he had been when Derek had left his house Sunday night. Derek didn’t like that Stiles had seemed sad.

 

Actually Derek didn’t like that in the week since the most painful dinner in all of Derek's existence Stiles had seemed sad and unhappy. He was quiet. His always-talking Stiles was being disturbingly silent. It was killing Derek but he hadn’t known what to do to make him happy again. Seeing him smiling and talking again made some of the weight lift of Derek's chest.

 

“I still got a name,” Derek smirked looking around the rink before giving Stiles a deep kiss.

 

“I know, boyfriend is just more fun.”

 

“So you keep saying,” Derek smirked trailing a hand down Stiles cheek, loving how he leaned into his touch.

 

“So my darling boyfriend,” Stiles said wrapping his arm around Derek pulling him tight. “My dad has been really nice about following his diet so we are treating ourselves to steaks on Saturday. So I was wondering…” Stiles trailed off a little nervously.

 

Derek just lifted his eyebrow in question, waiting for Stiles to spit it out.

 

“Well, do you wanna come over for dinner? I want to introduce you to my father. You know, make this official.”

 

“Stiles you know we can’t,” Derek groaned hating the way his stomach turned. “I'm not ready for this okay. I'm not ready to come out or anything.” He pulled out of Stiles arms and slid a little away trying not to see how Stiles face fell.

 

“You don’t have to come out or anything Derek, I just want to introduce you to my father as my boyfriend. He won't care; the man knew I was gay before I did. Dammit Derek! He won't even tell anyone, I just need someone that isn’t you and me know that I have this wonderful boyfriend whom I adore to pieces,” Stiles said exasperated.

 

“I can’t Stiles!”

 

“Why Derek? So you're gay. So what. No one cares and if they do then what does it even matter? They’re not worth it. Derek I'm not even asking you to come out okay. I'm asking you to acknowledge our relationship in front of my dad. Okay,” Stiles was beginning to use broad gestures. A bad sign.

 

“I'M NOT GAY!” Derek yelled, clearly without thinking.

 

“What!” Stiles looked pissed. His eyes were hard and his lips were pressed into a practically invisible line.

 

“No! I am. Kind of-” Derek stuttered regretfully. Damn him and his total lack of people skills.

 

“I don’t care if you're gay, bisexual or something completely different Derek. I just want to tell my dad that the reason why I have been so happy lately. Me and my dad are incredibly close and I hate that I can’t even tell him about you. I want to tell Scott too and I want the next Hale family dinner to include me, not as Cora’s friend but as your fucking boyfriend Derek,” Stiles yelled.

 

“Just give me time Stiles, I can’t okay. I promise, soon,” Derek pleaded sliding over to Stiles pulling him into his arms, hating how Stiles remained rigid in his arms. “Soon we’re making this public okay give me till Christmas, and then we’ll see. Stiles I really really like you. I want this but I need a way to come out to the team and I can’t meet your dad till I've told my own parents,” Derek hated how Stiles was cold and unresponsive in his arms.

 

“Derek you can’t hide forever. It’ll make you miserable,” Stiles sighed, muscles relaxing painfully slowly in Derek’s tight embrace.

 

“Please,” Derek whispered while he nuzzled into the crook of Stiles neck. “Soon, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Stiles sighed as he relaxed completely into Derek’s arms. “Just don’t dismiss what we have Derek. I want this so bad. And I don’t think you get this. I'm in this relationship for the long run. And I mean that as in a forever kind of way, I like you that much,” Stiles voice was weak in the big room. And Derek knew what he meant, those three big words were hovering just in the horizon, but it seemed they were both just not ready to say it yet.

 

“Me too,” he whispered, kissing Stiles neck. “As long as possible, preferably forever.”

 

“Okay lover boy enough of your charm,” Derek could hear the smile in Stiles’ voice and he couldn’t help himself. Derek had to kiss him. So he did.

 

“Wanna go to my place and have makeup sex,” Stiles muttered against Derek’s lips a little while later. Derek just nodded and kissed Stiles some more.

 

“Okay just remember you promised me this even before we began dating. Don’t shove me under the carpet Derek. I need to live my life in the open. After Christmas at the latest, deal? Then you have to meet my dad, and possibly Scott because, god, the boy has smelled blood and is determined to figure out who you are and he isn’t giving me a break about me keeping secrets,” Stiles huffed.

 

“Deal,” Derek whispered, hating how the words tasted like lies on his tongue.

 

Later that night Derek snuck into his own house just before curfew, his hair was a mess and he was wearing one of Stiles t-shirts since his own was covered in cum. Things got a little heated on the stairs up to Stiles room. Derek's shirt took the brunt of it.

 

As he collapsed onto his bed he fought back the almost suffocating panic. Derek was back to the start. Panicking about just how much he wanted Stiles and what being with him would do to his hockey. The problem was he couldn’t live without either. Dammit Derek loved Stiles so damn much it hurt, as cliché as that was to say, and ice hockey was the only thing he ever wanted to do.

 

And the twisted cruel voice told Derek he couldn’t have both. Gay guys were not welcome in team sports. Derek had seen too many examples to prove him wrong.

 

Derek kicked a pillow to the floor. He was not surprised when it didn’t make him feel better. It never did.

 

oOo

 

“Oh my god!” Stiles yelled. “I'm so damn tired of this!”

 

“Easy Stiles it’s just extra practice,” Derek laughed from the side of the rink. “Now do that twirly loop jump thing again.”

 

“Derek your Wikipedia worthy knowledge of basic ice skating moves astonish me,” Stiles huffed, “and it’s a quadruple lutz followed by a scratch spin thank you very much.”

 

“Yes, the twirly jump loop,” Derek nodded.

 

“Oh boyfriend, good thing you're pretty,” Stiles sighed, though Derek still saw the smirk as he turned away.

 

“You just need to finish, then we can go home and hang out,” Derek said patiently.

 

“But its Christmas,” Stiles moaned.

 

“In two days Stiles,” Derek reminded him.

 

“Yes, as I said its Christmas and I should be enjoying my time off not doing extra practice on a routine I have down to a tee,” Stiles grumbled thought Derek knew it was all play. Stiles actually liked practice; he was just upset that Derek had refused to join him on the ice.

 

“Stop complaining, I thought I was the Sour Wolf in this relationship.”

 

“Oh stop it grumpy pants,” Stiles said as he slid over to the edge. “You're irresistible when you look like that,” he smirked seductively leaning over the barrier between the ice and the bleachers. “Come on lover boy, gimme a kiss.”

 

“Oh boy, how will I resist that devastating charm of yours,” Derek deadpanned much to Stiles delight.

 

“Give up Sour Wolf, I know you want me,” Stiles leant further in, his lips only millimeters from Derek's own.

 

A noise from the area around the locker rooms made Derek pull away as if burned.

 

“Hey, Derek is that you?” He heard Isaac yell.

 

“Hey Isaac,” Derek muttered trying to put as much distance between him and Stiles as possible without actually crawling over the benches in panic.

 

“Whatcha doing here?”

 

“Oh just wanted to see if I could some extra practice in. Gran has bingo in the community hall anyway, so I was in town without anything to do. Thought I make the most of it. Have to keep up with you don’t I,” Isaac teased.

 

“But why are you here?” Isaac asked confused looking between Stiles and Derek suspiciously.

 

“Oh I couldn’t find my shin protectors thought I left them in my locker. Then I heard something out here and saw Stiles, thought I’d wish him a merry Christmas.”

 

“Okay,” Isaac said looking far from convinced. Derek looked to Stiles who was currently looking equally parts hurt and pissed.

 

“I’ll see you later, right bro?” Isaac asked.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Derek tried to smile normally. Though going by Isaac’s unconvinced look he made a mess of it. “Mom’s making roast beef and Cora been bitching about missing you. You know how the Hale’s get when we’re a family member short.”

 

“I'm not getting you a bigger Christmas present so drop it,” Isaac smiled. If there was one thing you could count on to distract Isaac it was to remind him that he had a family he had no genetic link to.

 

Yes, Derek knew he would burn in hell.

 

“You finish wishing Stiles here a Merry Christmas,” Isaac smirked and Derek felt the blood leaving his face, “I'm going to dash, might as well get some coffee while I wait for Gran now I know the rink is busy. See you.”

 

Derek just nodded, watching with a hammering heart as Isaac left.

 

“Well that went wonderfully,” Stiles huffed annoyed when Isaac had left. Derek was still actively panicking and didn’t react when Stiles touched his hand.

 

“Don’t,” he said pulling away.

 

“Seriously?” Stiles hissed, “it was your best friend and it’s not like he caught anything. Don’t behave like this.”

 

“No Stiles, you don’t get it. _No one_ can know okay. He’ll just tell Cora and she tell everyone and then suddenly everyone will know.”

 

“And?” Stiles crossed his arms a furious look on his face.

 

“Stiles, not this again. Please, you know why I can’t.”

 

“Yes, some sort of disbelief that your life will end because you're banging a dude,” Stiles sneered. “I don’t know why the hell you think it matter so much you're gay!”

 

“I'M NOT GAY!” Derek yelled.

 

“No, so you keep saying,” Stiles snapped. “And if you can’t even tell you best friend that you're not here to wish me a fucking Merry Christmas but to keep me company before we go to my place to fuck like rabbits that doesn’t mean anything. Because right, you're not gay. You just like men, but hey, not gay.”

 

“Stiles,” Derek tried to interrupt.

 

“Don’t Derek, I thought I could do this,” he fumed desperately, “I really thought it wouldn’t matter that you would want to keep it secret. I always thought you would change your mind. Maybe I even thought you would keep your god damned promises and do what you said you would before I even allowed myself to fall for you. That you actually wanted this bad enough to come out or at least tell your own open minded perfect family who will never judge you. Damn they might even handle this better than my dad did and he was pretty damn close to perfect! ”

 

“It’s been two months!” Derek hissed. He was not beginning to panic.

 

“Yeah, but the fact is you never will tell anyone!” Stiles said, suddenly sounding horribly sad. “You will never ever tell anyone about us unless they find out or I force you, will you?”

 

Derek hated that he couldn’t answer but all he kept thinking of was Stiles being hurt because of him, of him being kicked off the team, about how this could ruin the both of them. Someone could hurt Stiles, someone could almost kill him like Derek knew some of Ethan’s friends had almost killed Ethan’s boyfriend.

 

Derek could only stand there, looking down at his worn boots, hating himself with every fiber of his being.

 

“FUCK,” Stiles yelled and Derek looked at him. Stiles was more for using snark than yelling, so him yelling so loud his voiced echoed through the rink was not good. When Stiles looked Derek in the eyes he could see tears, actual tears. Derek’s heart dropped down into his stomach.

 

“I can’t do this Derek,” Stiles said quietly.

 

“What?” 

“I can’t continue this, I thought I could, but Derek I can’t live my life in secrecy. I came out for a reason and this is why. I want you to meet my dad, to go out with Scott and me once he finally manages to ask Allison on a date and I want to be a part of your family and go to your place for dinner. I want to kiss you when you win a match, not hide in the back row like a creeper. I don’t want to hide.” Stiles stepped off the ice and sat down with a huff, taking off his skates.

 

“Stiles what are you doing?” Derek asked panic increasing to an unknown level.

 

“I'm breaking up with you,” Stiles whispered hoarsely not meeting Derek's eyes. His voice broke as he spoke. “I can’t live like this and you’ll never change. I'm not important enough for you to acknowledge. Hockey will always be more important than me and I… I can’t live like that.”

 

“But your ice skating-”

 

“Would be dropped in a heartbeat if it meant losing you Derek,” Stiles sobbed tearlessly throwing the skates into his bag, replacing them with the worn sneakers Derek had grown to love.

 

“I love you Derek,” Stiles said looking up for the first time, meeting Derek's wide panicked eyes. “I love you so goddamn much it hurts not to say. Yeah, it’s been two months, officially, but if you asked I would agree to forever right this moment. That’s how much I love you. But you don’t love me do you.” Stiles rubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his cherry red hoodie, Derek's favorite, to remove the tears now freely tumbling down his cheeks.

 

Derek heart was nothing but powdered dust at his feet.

 

“Hockey will always be your great love and you won’t even dare to risk it. Not for me and not for anyone else. So if we keep this up I’ll remain your dirty little secret forever and I can’t be that Derek. Hell, you can’t even fucking say ‘ _hey’_ to me when you walk past me during lunch. So I rather have the heartbreak now than in a few years when I can no longer ignore your pleas for more time.” Stiles got up and walked over to Derek, and air of finality has hanging like a heavy thundercloud around them, trapping the air in Derek's lungs.

 

“Dammit Derek,” Stiles hissed, ”I won’t ask you to choose okay. Because I won’t force your hand and an ultimatum is a shitty thing that will only make you hate me later. But the truth is I already know what you’ll say,” Stiles hiccupped.

 

“I love you with all my heart,” he hissed as he grabbed Derek's face roughly and kissed him deeply, “but I don’t want to ever see you again. Don’t try to make this up, okay. I want you to be happy so I'm taking _me_ out of this equation, this way you’ll never have to choose. You can have your hockey and be happy.”

 

Derek breathed in deeply, catching the faint smell of Stiles soap the smell he sometime found lingering on his own clothes and loved to breathe in every time they made love. Derek's breath tumbled over the sobs stuck in his throat as he exhaled heavily, hating how no words escaped him.

 

Derek couldn’t help but remember how it had been the joy trapped in Stiles eyes that had made him fall for Stiles that first day back in September. Because Derek might say what ever he wanted, he had loved Stiles from the first moment they met. Now Stiles’ eyes were more gold than ever, but the joy was gone. Only bottomless sorrow was left.

 

“Goodbye Derek,” Stiles whispered brokenly before he turned around and left.

Derek just stood there, paralyzed as it all sunk in. Stiles had left him. He had broken up with Derek leaving no chance of them getting back together.

 

A pain worse than anyone he had ever felt ripped through his chest bringing him to his knees. He didn’t even feel it when he hit the floor.

 

When asked later Derek wouldn’t know how he even managed to call Isaac to make him come and pick him up. He didn’t remember Isaac finding him, still on his knees tears running down his cheeks. He had no recollection of Boyd arriving, and together with Isaac, dragging him to Isaac’s car getting him home to his confused and worried family.

 

He only knew he lost the love of his life.

 

To Derek Hale hockey was everything. It was his past, his present and his future. It was the single most important thing in his entire life. Only now Derek knew it was all a lie. There had been one person who mattered more than hockey ever would.

 

And he just lost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haemophilia is a decease caused by a genetic defect that prevents your from clotting meaning that you can potentially bleed to death from even a small scratch. It is most common in boys and is extremely rare in girls, piratically unheard of rare!   
> For a girl to get this you have to have gotten it from both parents, meaning your dad would have to suffer from the disease and you mother would be a silent carrier. And then still the odds for this to happen would be very small.   
> Though non-hereditary forms also exist and are caused by similar mutations in the genome just affecting other proteins that take part of the blood coagulation process but essentially having the same effect on the patient.   
> It's a nasty disease.


	5. Chapter 5 - Part 1

A new day was slowly dawning outside Derek windows but Derek didn’t notice. The young ice hockey player was numb. There was not a single feeling left in him as he laid there on his lonely bed staring up at the white painted wooden ceiling of his bedroom.

 

He barely remembered Isaac and Boyd driving him home the day before.

 

“Derek,” a voice whispered from beside him. “Hey little bro, wake up.” Derek slowly turned, feeling every muscle ache after so many hours of inactivity. It was a strange sensation.

 

“Laura?” Derek asked confused as well as surprised. Laura wasn’t supposed to be home form college until tomorrow.

 

“Hey Der,” Laura whispered as she ran her hand through his hair.

“Why-” Derek asked, his voice breaking before he got further.

 

“I was coming down a day earlier to surprise you all.” Was all she said.

 

“Laura,” Derek whispered hoarsely, “I screwed up.”

 

“Oh, Der,” Laura sighed pulling him into his arms. Derek didn’t even try to stop his tears.

 

“He left me,” Derek hiccupped. “I loved him so much and he left me.”

 

“Shush, Der, it’ll be okay,” she whispered.

 

“No. It won’t, Lara, I’m gay.” He sobbed hopelessly into her neck, not even noticing that he for the first time in ten years used the old nickname he’d given her when he just learned to speak.

 

“Oh sweetie,” she sniffled “Its okay, everything is going to be just fine.”

 

Derek tried to believe his sister’s words but deep in his heart he knew she was wrong. Nothing would ever be okay again.

 

 

oOo

 

Derek didn’t know how long he and Laura had been lying in bed, but the room was now filled with the gray mellow light from the day outside. Derek was all cried out. He was feeling a little dead now, but it was better than the emotionless state he had been in before he had opened up and let the torrent of emotion out.

 

The only thing left now was the hollow aching feeling in his chest. But he didn’t think that would ever go away.

 

 

“You ready to talk now?” Laura asked hesitantly.

 

“Yeah,” Derek muttered hoarsely

 

“So I need this from the beginning,” Laura said softly, running a hand over Derek's side. “You said he left you? Who’s he?”

 

“Stiles,” Derek said brokenly. “My boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend.”

 

“Oh.” Was Laura’s only reply.

 

And so Derek ended up telling the whole depressing story, from the day he met the young skater with the beautiful eyes to sad ending the day before. When he was finished they were both silent for a long time.

 

“Oh Der,” Laura sighed sadly. “You really are an idiot,” she smiled softly looking at her hopeless baby brother.

 

“I know.”

“So, how you're gonna win him back then?”

“I'm not.” Derek muttered detached.

“What?” She asked confused, “You just spent God knows how long waxing about this boy, whom you clearly love, and now you’re telling me you're just going to let him slip out of your hands because you’re an idiot who made a mistake.”

“He asked me not to Laura,” Derek whispered. “He said he never wanted to see me again and I love him to much not to do as he asks, okay. I didn’t even deserve him to begin with so there is no point in trying to get him back. He's better off without me. I might never be able to give him what he needs. And most of all I need him to be happy. Even if that isn’t with me.”

 

“You’re to damn young to be this jaded, Der,” Laura sighed. “But if that is what you want, then fine. Just when you do eventually get to the point where you want to fight for it come to me. I know a thing or two about how to snare boys back in,” she smiled predatorily.

 

“I don’t even wanna know,” Derek huffed in disgust.

 

“Prude,” she smiled while messing up his hair, making him huff and try to wiggle away without falling off the bed. A very difficult accomplishment since Derek’s bed wasn’t that wide.

 

Laura just laughed at his antics, pulling him close and holding him tight, both allowing the silence to fall once again.

 

“Laura?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

 

“You know no one will care, right?” Laura sighed. “We will all still love you and nothing will be different… at most Peter will crack more dirty jokes. But he would most likely have done that anyway.”

 

“I know,” Derek murmured. “I'm just not ready.”

 

“But you do know this isn’t going away right?” Laura asked. “I mean it sounds to me like you’re strictly gay, right?”

 

“Yep, strictly in to men I think.” Derek muttered shyly, he really couldn’t deny the fact that he was gay anymore. Even _he_ had limit to how many of his own lies he could believe in.

 

“Fair enough, then you know that you wont be any less gay in a year. I'm not going to let you deny yourself to be happy, Derek. You need to accept that you're gay and live with it. You don’t have to be out in public but you need to let the family know at least.”

 

“Yeah yeah.” Derek mumbled sullenly.

 

“No, Derek I mean this. You can live on the down low just fine. I mean you're not the only gay guy in the world of sports and we’ll make it work. But Derek, sweets, you need to be honest about this to yourself and your family. We need to be able to help you.”

 

“I know Laura.” Derek sighed tiredly. Despite it all she was only saying thing Stiles had already pointed out as well as everything that Derek knew perfectly well himself. He was perfectly aware of the fact that he was an idiot.

 

“Not now.” Was all he said.

 

“Its fine sweetheart, you don’t have to do it know. Just don’t pretend, not to us. We love you and we don’t what to see you hurting, and hiding part of yourself is hurtful,” Laura smiled. “Now though, sweetie pie, you need to eat bucket loads of ice cream, pizza, and Chinese and watch stupid movies. Best cure for a break up.”

 

“I'm a semi professional athlete and you want me to stuff myself with junk food?”

 

“Yes.” Laura replied.

 

“Good!” Derek said getting up from bed.

 

oOo

 

Somehow Laura managed to calm the rest of the family down with a story about how Derek had been dating someone and it had ended badly, which was true. It just lacked a few major details. But Derek couldn’t complain.

 

He could do without the talk about the dangers of having secret relationships that he got from his mother though. Thankfully she kept it short. Though it was quite clear she was deeply disappointed.

 

The one who had been hardest to calm down had been Isaac. He had apparently refused to go home until he was sure Derek was fine. In the end Isaac had actually decided just to stay over the entire Christmas holiday.

 

He was already invited to Christmas diner and had planned to stay over in order to be there Christmas morning. That he stayed two days more changed nothing. He was family after all.

 

Derek could feel how Isaac eyes followed him all the time and the young hockey player knew that his brother had his suspicions about what really happened over the last few months. Though for now it seemed he was keeping them to himself.

 

Which was something Derek was very pleased about given that he could feel how the whole house wanted to ask him what had really happened. Thankfully they knew Derek well enough not to push.

 

oOo

 

Derek knew it was a mistake even as he sneaked out of the house that night. The young hockey player had never appreciated the kitchen door as much as he did that moment because sneaking past his whole family the night before Christmas was not easy.

 

The worst part was he knew they would stop him, hell, had it been anyone other than him he would have stopped them. He knew it was stupid and foolish and against everything Stiles had asked of him.

 

And yet that didn’t stop him.

 

He almost changed his mind when he parked his car outside the Sheriff’s house. The colored glow of Christmas light shone through the thin lacy curtains shielding the living room from the street and when he neared the door he could her voices talking and laughing loudly.

 

With a deep breath he took the unevenly wrapped silver gift and placed it on the doormat, trying desperately to place it so it was noticeable and wouldn’t end up under anyone’s unsuspecting feet.

 

Then with a last deep breath of chilled winter air he pressed the doorbell hard and ran.

 

By the time Stiles opened the door to discover the unfortunate looking silver package Derek was sharply turning the corner, heading further into the night.

 

oOo

 

Derek had always hated that his birthday was the 25th of December. Like being the kid in the middle wasn’t difficult enough, no, the universe seemed to think he needed more reasons to be overlooked.

 

The fact that it felt like his heart was barely stuttering achingly in his chest, only just keeping his blood flowing, just added to Derek constant state of misery.

 

No matter how much junk food he had eaten over the last two days or how many terrible movies he was forced to watch with Laura, Cora, and Isaac it didn’t seem to help with the hollow feeling in his chest.

 

If he could have gotten away with it he would have just stayed in his bed.

 

Only Laura had spoiled that by threatening to steal all his pillows if he went missing. Derek loved his pillows. Even if he kicked them around a lot.

 

As always they had all unwrapped their Christmas gifts this morning. The whole family including Isaac, Nate, and Peter, had been huddled around the big tree in the living room. It was a loud noisy affair filled with laughter, gratitude, and wrapping paper fights. Most of them started by Peter of course.

 

Derek had worn a fake smile the whole time, unable to stop his thoughts from returning to the content of the little silver package. He wondered if Stiles had even bothered to unwrap it before he threw it out.

 

Right now the whole family was gathered around the dining table eating slices of Derek birthday cake, a regular chocolate bomb decorated with cherries.

 

The young man was staring down at the cake before him, it looked delicious but he just couldn’t eat it. It didn’t matter if it was his favorite or if he only could convince his mother to make this cake this one time every year.

 

No he was far to busy suffocating in misery. It really ruined your appetite.

 

“I'm gay.” He suddenly said loudly, surprising everybody including himself. He immediately slapped a hand over his mouth and looked horrified down at his cake. He didn’t dare to meet anyone’s eyes.

 

Around him the easy chatter stopped abruptly and he could feel how all eyes suddenly turned to him.

 

With his heart beating away in his chest Derek painfully slowly lifted his head and looked at the people who mattered the most to him in the whole world. Laura looked at him with a soft smile, like she had been waiting for him to crack. The rest seemed to be in various stages of shock.

 

“Well,” his uncle Peter said dryly after a few moments of total silence, “So am I.” He shrugged before returning to the last bite of cake left on his plate.

 

“Cocks are just marvelous aren’t they?” he smiled cheekily, “And nothing really beats the feeling of-”

 

“Peter!” Nate yelled horrified almost choking on air as he sputtered and sprinkled glitter all over the table, trying to physically shut Peter up with his scarf. He had gone all out this year glitter-wise.

 

And with that silence was broken with shouts of disgust and a distressed, “ _For goodness sake Peter behave!”_ From Derek’s mom and a constant hum of soft curses at Peter from a still flustered and sputtering Nate.

 

Jacob was just looking at the family like they were all crazy and decided to sneak away with a huge piece of cake now his mother was to busy huffing at peter and showering Derek in praises to notice him.

 

Derek couldn’t help but smile. Perhaps this wasn’t quite as bad as he had feared.

 

oOo

 

It was later that night Isaac cornered Derek in the hallway, he had been on his way to get something to drink and to get a short break from the family. Just for a short few minutes, it had been a long few days.

 

The rest of the family was watching television. They had all gotten over the bomb Derek had dropped on them at dinner, his mother mostly hugging the life out of him and chastising him for not telling her sooner.

 

Besides Peter teasing him more than usual the biggest reaction had been that now Laura and Cora dragged Derek into their “Who’s Hottest” debates. Something that just made Derek shudder, because ew.

 

“It was the figure skater, right. Stilifinski?” Isaac had asked seriously.

 

“Stilinski,” Derek corrected automatically. At Isaac’s lifted eyebrow he continued. “But yes, he was my boyfriend.”

 

“Why did you break up?” Isaac asked wonderingly, “You looked cozy enough when I ran into you.”

 

“I want to be a hockey player and I can’t be openly gay if I want to do that. Not yet anyway.” Derek said looking back into the living room wistfully. Nate sat cuddled up in Peter’s arms, apparently chastising him for the latest dirty joke Peter had just managed to deliver.

 

Derek ignored the pang of longing in his stomach. Really he couldn’t be any more miserable even if he tried.

 

“Bullshit,” Isaac snapped, dragging Derek back to the real world. “Of course you can Derek, damn you're one of the most talented players I’ve ever seen. You're too good for people to ignore even if they wanted to be homophobes. Dammit you can pick any freaking college. And if your mother hadn’t gone momma bear on them last year you wouldn’t be able to breathe for college offers. Christ some of them wanted you to pre-accept even before they got to your grades,” he huffed.

 

“Let it go Isaac, okay!” Derek hissed annoyed. “I fucked it up, okay!” Derek snapped.

 

At Isaac’s startled and slightly fearful expression Derek forced him self to calm down. Sometimes he forgot how easy Isaac was to scare. It was rare to see the scared little boy Derek had dragged home five years ago.

 

“Easy Derek.” Isaac said hesitantly taking a step back.

 

“Sorry Isaac.” Derek said remorseful, taking deep breath and leaning against the wall his head falling back with a hollow thud as it hit the wall. He was so tired and angry.

 

“I didn’t mean to yell. Its just,” Derek sighed trying to find the words. “Stiles won’t have anything to do with me anymore, I fucked it up for good. So honestly it doesn’t even matter why, just leave it.”

 

Isaac sighed. “I just don’t like to see you this unhappy. Are you sure you can’t make things right with Stiles? He seemed like a reasonable enough.”

 

“I can’t he asked me not to speak to him again and Isaac I really fucked up,” Derek said weakly, his heart giving one hurt beat at the memory of Stiles eyes just before he turned his back to Derek. “He wanted to be _out_ and I just couldn’t. Still don’t know if I can, there’s so much to lose both for me and for Stiles. If things went haywire I won’t be able to protect him. So really there’s no hope.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Isaac whispered swinging an arm around Derek and pulling him into a tight warm hug.

 

“Yeah, so am I,” Derek smiled wryly as he held Isaac closer, taking what little comfort from his best friend he could. “So am I.”

 

oOo

 

Like everything else in Derek’s life the past few days Derek knew he was making a mistake, but weighed against dropping Stiles a gift on Christmas Eve this seemed small. Also he was eighteen since yesterday. If he couldn’t make mistakes now then when could he.

 

And it wasn’t like Derek hadn’t always wanted a tattoo, so in truth it was only the timing that was off, nothing else. Derek also knew doing this later would have the same result. It would be the same motif and in the end the meaning would still be the same no matter how much time would pass.

 

He looked down at the triskelion, the long coal black spirals resting against the white paper and he just knew that was the tattoo he always knew he wanted but never really thought about.

 

He smiled as he remembered how after Peter was done mentally scarring everybody his family had just accepted it. There had been no more ado about it. Derek liked boys so what.

 

He still hadn’t told his parents about Stiles, even if they looked at him with big disappointed eyes as he refused to even mention the man who in their eyes had broken their little boy’s heart.

 

But Derek didn’t budge. It hurt too much to talk about Stiles.

 

“You ready boy?” The gravelly voice of the tattoo artist asked.

 

“Yeah,” Derek replied without hesitation. “I'm ready.”

 

With a last sigh he got comfortable waiting for the sting of the needle to pierce his skin.

 

oOo

 

Thankfully the family calmed down quickly, mostly due to Peter intervening and reminding them that compared to what he would have done (read _had done_ ) in his past Derek getting a fairly simple tattoo was nothing.

 

“At least it isn’t a naked woman or a heart with Mom in the middle. I actually like it, nice touch to use a Celtic symbol given that his mother is half Irish,” he had said. Not that it had made a difference. Derek’s mother was livid for a good hour after she found out.

 

And later once the yelling was done and people would actually get around to asking what it represented Derek's answer would be simple. Past, present future. Where he had been, where he was and what he was moving towards.

 

But deep inside Derek's mind he would always know that it was a simple symbol of him before Stiles, while he had Stiles, and the man he was now after Stiles had left him.

 

oOo

 

During the holidays Derek discovered that everything reminded me of Stiles. He could barely stand to look at his father’s single malt whiskey anymore because it reminded him of Stiles’ deep amber eyes.

 

He couldn’t bear to look at Cora’s bright cherry red scarf because it reminded him of Stiles favorite hoodie, so he hid it in the back of his closet and lived through the frenzy that followed when Cora couldn’t find it.

 

Even his mother ginger cookies reminded Derek of Stiles and the time he tried to be homely and Christmassy and almost burned the kitchen down because he wanted to surprise Derek with home baked cookies when he arrived.

 

Instead Derek had arrived to a smoked filled kitchen and coal black lumps. They had spent the afternoon cleaning and airing out the kitchen and ended up tangled on Stiles’ bed, while Stiles fucked Derek into the mattress.

 

That had only been two days before they broke up.

 

But one of the worst things was that Derek could barely even stand to drive past the rink anymore, his safe haven for most his life was now turned into his own private purgatory.

 

He had never been happier to have Boyd and Isaac as he was when they both went with him to get in some ice time before school started up again. Before he could even say anything Isaac had gone in to check and see if Stiles was there and when he confirmed he wasn’t they both stood with Derek outside in the chill winter day, waiting for I'm to get the courage to go inside.

 

But what Derek hated the most was the silence.

 

The long afternoons where he locked himself away so he wouldn’t taint the happiness of his family was so silent Derek felt like he was suffocating slowly.

 

He had somehow grown used to Stiles constant chatter, and now it was gone everything was just too silent.

 

He hated being left to his own mind, the thought and regrets was almost too much. So instead Derek ran a lot. It was the only thing that kept him from going insane. To be honest he had never been in better shape.

 

If only Derek didn’t feel like he was barely hanging on.

 

oOo

 

Derek was glad he at least had the foresight to calculate when he needed to start full team practice again because for the first week his tattoo had hurt like hell, though not as much as his ears had after his mother was done shouting at him.

 

But given the amount of energy Derek had just put into training he was really glad the tattoo had stopped hurting every time it was touched. Especially since he hadn’t been able to get off the ice tackle free. But that was hockey for you.

 

Derek had to admit that he was hardly a saint and some of the hits he had gotten during practice today were fully deserved. But Derek had to admit that slamming Matt into the side of the rink had helped out enormously. It was very therapeutic and definitely helped him keep focus during training.

 

It didn’t remove the hollow feeling in his chest, but then again Derek was beginning to believe it would never really go away.

 

“That was intense.” Isaac commented as he stood next to Derek in the locker room. Derek just shrugged.

 

“Hey Hale,” Coach yelled, “Good job today. Greenberg looks scared enough to actually stay away from the next match and Matt’s balance is actually improving after all the times you’ve made him fall on his ass. I'm impressed.” Coach gave a last nod before retreating back to his lair, sorry, office.

 

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or scared on your behalf. Compliments from coach, I never thought it would happen.” Isaac said with big eyes.

 

“Well I'm just freaked out,” Boyd muttered from beside them. “He’s right though, Matt has actually gotten better since you started slamming into him all the time. He even stopped limping.”

 

Derek just shrugged, beginning to pull off his gear. He honestly just wanted to get away.

 

“Oh my god, is that a tattoo?” Greenberg yelled, his voice going into an impressively high note. To say he had everyone’s attention was understatement.

 

“Yeah, Greenberg,” Derek muttered with a sigh, “It is. Good observation, I hadn’t noticed.”

 

“That is so awesome.” he heard Greenberg practically hyperventilate as he headed for the shower. Why what that guy even on the team.

 

oOo

 

Derek dreamt of Stiles almost every night. Some of the dreams were erotic, bordering on being plain porn. On those nights Derek would wake up hard and arching, a hand down his pants as he stroked himself of to the memories of Stiles’ long pale limbs and his teasing tongue.

 

Others were quite the opposite. They were like brief flashes a future that would never happen, of Derek and Stiles living their life together. Derek coming home to kiss Stiles hello and ruffle the hair of their children, of Stiles winning the Olympic gold medal he desired and Derek being there to kiss him congratulations.

 

Those dreams made Derek wake up shaking with tears and the edges of his broken heart throbbing harder than usual.

 

Derek began to run every night before bed, trying to outrun the dreams with pure exhaustion. But it didn’t help. As the night crawled away from Derek he looked more and more haggard.

 

oOo

 

Derek only got around to regretting that Greenberg had seen his new tattoo the next day. The complete hush that fell over the cafeteria the moment he stepped in was movie worthy, and a bit of a giveaway to the fact Greenberg had talked.

 

With the whole freaking school.

 

Derek just rolled his eyes, walking over to his friends once he got a hold of a bottle of water to go along to the lunch he packed himself. He really wished this wasn’t the first time he ended up being face to face with Stiles..

 

But there he was.

 

Derek stopped practically mid step. Stiles was standing a few tables away looking directly at Derek with those big amber eyes that Derek now swore he had fallen in love with the first time he looked into them.

 

He looked sad, though Derek couldn’t help but notice that he looked well. Certainly nothing like Derek who despite being fit looked permanently sleep deprived and was only dressed in socially acceptable clothing because Cora put it out for him the night before.

 

Derek couldn’t believe that it had only been four weeks since he saw him the last time. It felt like an eternity had passed.

 

If Derek had to be completely honest Stiles looked as gorgeous as he had the first day he saw him. And Derek… he just wanted to kiss him. Kiss him till they were both breathless and the pain in Derek chest disappeared, till there was nothing left but the two of them in the whole wide world.

 

He didn’t even care that the whole cafeteria was looking at him. That they would all know. In that moment Derek could barely even remember the reason why he had wanted to ever keep Stiles a secret.

 

Derek would have given anything for the chance to be back with Stiles, to be allowed to walk straight over there and kiss the living daylights out of the young skater and then sit down to eat lunch, still holding hands, their friends mingling around them.

 

But the couldn’t. He missed that chance.

 

A heavy weight fell in Derek’s hollow chest and in that moment he wished more than nothing he could change it all.

 

“Derek,” Isaac cut though Derek's thoughts bringing him back to reality, as cruel as it was.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You coming or are you planning on standing here all day?” Derek noticed how Isaac’s eyes were flickering in Stiles’ direction and he knew Isaac was trying to help.

 

“Yeah I'm coming,” Derek sighed, “just got lost in my head.” He smiled but going by Isaac’s less than impressed look he really didn’t pull it of.

 

As Derek walked to the table he wanted nothing more than to look back at Stiles. But he couldn’t. Stiles didn’t even want to see him. It was better to stay away.

 

oOo

 

Derek was thinking a lot lately, even more so since his run in with Stiles. Now he only had school and training to focus on it was like he had too much time on his hands. He could no longer remember what it was he had done with it all before he met Stiles.

 

His life must have been so empty.

 

In all his thinking he became more and more aware of how wrong he had been. It was a slow process he would admit, but sometimes it was hard to face the truth. Especially if it was about himself.

 

He decided he was definitely gay, he spent hours upon hours studying various woman and men, coming to the conclusion that while the women were beautiful none of them were sexually attractive. The men on the other hand, very much so.

 

Even if he was already out and had been sure when he told his family he was gay he needed this last bit of confirmation. To once and for all close that drawer that was his heterosexuality.

 

Afterwards he felt more peaceful than he had in years, like he was finally himself. No more lies, pretenses, or doubts. It was very freeing.

 

Despite this sudden self-realization there was something weird about discovering that all the admiration you had towards your favorite actor was actually slightly sexually intoned and you did indeed have one hell of a crush on the guy.

 

Derek felt very weird after that discovery.

 

Laura just laughed when he told her over the phone. And so did Cora when Laura called to tell her right after she had hung up on Derek. Why he loved his sisters was a constant mystery.

 

In the end he came to a crushing and world shattering realization one late Friday afternoon near the end of January as he once again found himself staring out of his bedroom window missing Stiles.

 

He was absolutely miserable and it was his own damn fault and if he kept up pretending nothing was amiss and he was as straight as a ruler then her would always be miserable.

 

In the end it was very simple.

 

He could stay the way he was, living half-life constantly scared of who he was and how people would react if they ever discovered he was gay, or he could be more like Stiles and be free and maybe one day far out in the future be happy. Not only about his life, but also about himself.

 

Right now he couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone but Stiles but if his family were to be believed, there _would_ be someone else at some point. And Derek could just not imagine loving anyone again just to have it end like this.

 

Him dumped and alone because he was to scared of the ‘maybes’ in the world to come out.

 

For the first time in his life Derek wanted something more than he ever wanted to play hockey.

 

He wanted to be happy and he wanted to be himself. No matter the cost.

 

oOo

 

It took Derek two days longer and another sight of Stiles, across the vast parking lot of Beacon Hills High, for him to come to the last and most devastating realization of them all.

 

That night his mother had been cross with his father because he came home late and missed dinner. When Derek had asked her why she was so angry, she told him didn’t mind his father being late, but she deserved to be told if something had come up that would make him late. Even if was as trivial as extra paperwork.

 

A relationship was nothing if one part refused to talk even about something as silly as ones workload expanding. They were a team and his worries were hers, and vice versa.

 

So that night Derek, buried in a cocoon made of his pillows and blanket, trying not to think of Stiles (and failing spectacularly mind you), Derek finally realized his biggest mistake.

 

He had never told Stiles about his fears.

 

And with that a wall broke within Derek. Because, really, could he have been more of an idiot?

 

Yes, it was all nice and dandy that he wasn’t nearly as afraid to come out as he had been when he and Stiles broke up, but he was still scared shitless of what him being out could result in. Most importantly what others could do to Stiles in order to punish Derek for standing out.

 

But that wasn’t Derek’s decision to make, nor was it his burden to bear alone. Had he just bothered to talk to Stiles then maybe they could have worked it out, maybe they would still have been together.

Derek sat up in bed, a piercing pain shot through his chest, almost like his heart was breaking all over again (as cliché as that sounded even within Derek’s own mind). He could feel tears falling from his cheeks as he cried silently in the dark.

 

All this time he had carried this little nugget of safety that it had been Stiles that left, that it hadn’t been all Derek’s fault. He had carried it silently barely acknowledging it himself; just liking the safety of knowing it was there. Relieving him of just a little of the all compassing guilt and shame of having fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him.

 

But now that was gone. Derek had solely ruined his and Stiles relationship there was no one else to blame but him, and there was nothing he could even do to save it. It was all too late.

 

Derek had to stay home the next day. He was too tired from crying most of the night trying to get the worst of the hurt out. He just told his mother he was sick. She didn’t even protest, she just kissed his hair and made one of his favorites for dinner.

 

Also that night he found the freezer stuffed with ice cream, Derek’s favorite of course.

 

oOo

 

“So…” Isaac said leaning against the Camaro one early morning just on the cusp of February, “You figure out why Boyd was behaving like he had bees in his pants yesterday?”

 

“No,” Derek yawned, he had been sleeping even worse than usual since last week when he realized what a colossal idiot he had really been. “And you have been spending too much time with your grandmother. Bees in his pants, really?”

 

“Oh, shut it sleepy,” Isaac huffed mock annoyed. “Why are you so tired by the way? My usual sources of interesting juicy Derek gossip have no idea.”

 

“Stop interrogating Cora about me Isaac. It’s just creepy. And for the record I've just not been sleeping all that well lately.”

 

“Bad dreams?”

 

“Something like that.” Derek sighed.

 

They both looked up when they saw the school buses start to arrive. Normally Derek would give both Boyd and Isaac a lift, but today he had woken up to a text stating that Boyd would be taking the bus.

 

Both Derek and Isaac was quite curious, especially since Boyd had been even quieter and more sullen than usual the last week and practically bordering on restless yesterday afternoon.

 

They were both in for a surprise when they saw Boyd step out holding the hand of his long time crush, Erica Reyes. Derek and Isaac looked at each other, surprise evident on both their faces.

 

Boyd had liked Erica since they started high school but he never got around to asking her out; always finding reasons not to approach the, sometimes rather prickly yet still gorgeous, girl who suffered from epileptic seizures.

 

Their surprise only grew when Erica kissed Boyd chastely, walking into the school with a big smile.

 

Derek and Isaac both hurried over to their friend.

 

“What was that?” Isaac asked confused.

 

Boyd just looked at him unimpressed and answered “Me kissing my girlfriend.”

 

“Since when did that happen?” Derek asked curiously. Boyd was far from the hurried sort. He always took his time and worked through every single outcome before he did even the smallest thing, so him going and getting himself a girlfriend without Derek and Isaac figuring out what was going on was a surprise.

 

“Since I learnt from Derek here that we only have few chances at getting true happiness, I might as well jump into it. Turns out Erica has had a crush on me as long as I’ve had one on her so we decided to go steady right away.”

 

“Well good for you.” Isaac said, looking at Derek furtively.

 

“I'm glad.” Derek said. Behind him he could hear the rumbling of Stiles jeep as he parked it in a space just behind Derek. He wanted to turn around but kept his eyes on the worn brick that made up a great part of Beacon Hills High’s façade.

 

“Come on, lets get to class. We can tease Boyd mercilessly later.” Derek said. He could see Isaac was warming up to ask what was up when Boyd grabbed Isaac’s arm and nodded over Derek's shoulder at where Stiles was without a doubt falling out of the jeep in his usual graceless jumble.

 

Derek just started walking away. He really couldn’t handle seeing Stiles today.

 

Behind him Stiles eyes were glued to his back; a sad heartbroken look in his eyes only Isaac saw as he looked back at the boy who’d broken his brother’s heart.

 

oOo

While Derek would always be happy for Boyd, finally getting together with the girl he had been in love with forever, he couldn’t deny it hurt.

 

Erica was funny and easy to talk to. She fell in seamlessly with the group when she joined them for lunch. It was everything Derek had imagined happening if he and Stiles had stayed together.

 

The only small grace seemed that his broken heart had given his friend a shot at the future he would never have himself. Derek looked over at Stiles, and saw him laughing at something his friend, Scott, had said.

 

Derek missed him so much he could barely breathe. With a sigh he shoved his food away excusing himself and fleeing the cafeteria.

 

He didn’t see the way Isaac was looking between him and Stiles, a calculating look on his face.

 

oOo

 

Derek was now coming to the conclusion that there were things he hated more than Wednesdays, which weirdly enough had turned out to be the entirety of the month of January.

 

People were still staring and whispering in the corners every time they saw him, their eyes flickering nervously from him to anywhere else when he looked their way. Him getting a tattoo was still some of the juiciest gossip they had had in Beacon Hills High for years.

 

If you asked the gossiping part of Beacon Hills High’s students Derek was currently Beacon Hills newest, sexiest, and most debauched bad boy.

 

Derek personally thought they were idiots, the lot of them, and wondered how anyone could even get a freaking diploma from this school if they thought lack of sleep made anyone look sexy. Also he really hadn’t gained that much muscle, it was just Cora who dug out his tightest shirts and he was just not in the mood to protest.

 

Even some of Kate’s old rumors took a turn about the school again and Derek was sure she was hastily adding more by the minute. She was without a doubt loving the chance to ruin Derek some more, even if she could never be in the same room as him.

 

At least Isaac and Boyd had fun spending lunch comparing rumors trying to see who had the juiciest one. They’d almost made a game out of it. Derek just grumbled unhappily stabbing his chicken and broccoli around aggressively on his plate.

 

Even Cora had begun to drop by and compare rumors with his so called ‘friends’. Cora was very fond of the rumor that said Derek had joined a cult and was the baby daddy to at least sixteen different girls.

 

“As if Derek had enough game to score just one girl.” She had laughed so hard she almost fell of her chair.

 

Derek hated to be the center of attention so to say he was balancing on the edge of losing his freaking mind was putting it mildly. To add to this pile of misery that was his life, Peter and Nate had apparently had a run in with Mr. Harris at the store just after new years, resulting in Harris being even more of a dick to Derek than he usually was.

 

“Hale, I need you to stay after class,” he sniped one Wednesday just as class let up. Derek scowled because Harris knew he would now be late for his next class and Harris would never give Derek a note, meaning Derek would most likely get either a scolding or worse, detention.

 

Derek hated his arrogant chemistry teacher.

 

“I wanted to discuss your latest assignment. Reading it was a bit of a sad surprise honestly. I expected more from you Derek, this is far below standard and I dare say your research has been neglected.” He said in that cold disinterested voice he had perfected over the years.

 

Derek could do nothing but seethe. He had done his research. He had even had one of his father’s friends, who taught chemistry at the local community college, read it through and he had praised it, claiming that if his students only turned in such well written papers he would he a lucky man.

 

More over, Stiles had helped write that. It had been he who had forced Derek to finish it and turn it in since this, as his midterm-project was worth sixty five percent of Derek’s final grade. Derek himself had been ready just to give up knowing this was how it would end.

 

In the end Stiles had helped him write it and promised filthy rewards when Derek finished. That had been a great night.

 

And here Harris was using Derek to hurt Peter over a silly lovers spat that happened about ten years ago.

 

“That’s a lie.” Derek hissed, surprisingly calm. “I did my research and had a college professor look it through. It’s perfect and deserves an A.”

 

“Now now, Derek I'm very disappointed that you’d tell me these lies. I will give you one final chance. You get to redo the entire project and hand it in next week, and I’ll give you a new grade.” Harris smiled sweetly, like he hadn’t just told Derek to do two months of work in a week.

 

“No.” Derek said coldly.

 

“What?” and for the first time it seemed Derek had made Harris’ façade crack just a bit.

 

“I said no. I'm not redoing a project that is perfectly fine just because you wont give it the grade it deserves.” Derek pulled himself to his full height and crossed his arms over his chest. For the first time glad that the tighter fit of his shirt made him look even bulkier than he really was

 

“Well,” Harris said a little shaken, “Then I have to flunk you in Chemistry Derek. You leave me with no other choice. I guess I’ll see you in summer school then. That is if you wish to graduate high school.”

 

“Go ahead,” Derek sneered, now really angry. “Then I’ll just go to the school board with a statement from the college professor, my dad, who you know is a lawyer, and Peter; to testify that you are an arrogant shit who takes your personal vendettas out on innocent students,” Derek fumed.

 

Harris looked slightly taken aback, but Derek had had it. This whole fucking month could just go to hell. He was so done and so what if he got suspended? Right now he didn’t give a shit.

 

“You know what Harris it’s about fucking time you man the fuck up and live with your mistakes. So, you fucked up your relationship with my uncle because you didn’t want to admit you’re bisexual but still wanted to be jealous when he had trouble waving guys off. And all because he couldn’t even say he had a boyfriend. Well live with it!” Derek yelled.

 

“If you fuck up then you live with the consequences and deal. Sometimes you have second chances sometimes you don’t, but when _you_ make mistakes then _you_ fucking better live with them _and_ the regrets. Flunking me and making _my_ life miserable doesn’t bring you Peter back, nothing ever fucking will. You’ve just got to live with the life you’ve chosen and try not to make the fucking biggest mistake of your life twice.”

 

Derek took a deep breath trying to simmer down just slightly.

 

“Life sucks and then you die, Harris. You were scared and stupid and so fucking what? We all are. But this doesn’t help, let it go before you ruin your life and run out of chances. Hell, Peter wasn’t even the one was he? No, your wife is, but you’re just too bitter over the fact that you got left to acknowledge that. But guess what, when people are too good for you they leave, and they don’t come back no matter how much you want to undo your whole fucking past for them.”

 

Derek grabbed his backpack turning to leave; Harris had gone completely mute at his desk. Derek had nothing more to say and he was going home. But when he turned around he looked straight in to the big amber eyes of Stiles.

 

Well, he and the entire rest of his class who apparently had chemistry after Derek. And judging by the look of them they had heard every single word Derek had just shouted.

 

They and the people in the classrooms next-door, going by the muttering outside.

 

Derek couldn’t bear to see the confusion and hurt in Stiles eyes, yes, he definitely got that most of what Derek had just shouted was from personal experience.

 

Derek just squeezed the handle of his backpack tighter and glared till someone moved, rushing passed the still stunned students. He didn’t even bother with practice, he just went straight home and didn’t come back to school for the rest of the week.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always check my [tumblr ](http://hopeless-ships.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you for all the sweet comments, they keep me going when Im going through a writers block. Don't know whre i would have found the motivation to keep writing without you.
> 
>  
> 
> _**EDIT 2014-5-25 :** chapter have been betaed by the very lovely Ayla and is now much better. _


	6. Chapter 5 - Part 2

Derek was surprised when there were no consequences to his argument with Harris. The only thing that happened was that Isaac had his chemistry paper with him when he got home after practice that night, a neat little A written in the corner.

 

Apparently his threat of involving the whole school had been heard clearly by his arrogant teacher. That or Harris was just too much of a coward to try and explain how Derek, academically one of Beacon Hills High’s best students, seemed to be flunking chemistry out of the blue.

 

In the end Derek just barricaded himself in his room. It was him and his pillows against the rest of the world now. With the skating nationals coming up this weekend Derek just couldn’t handle Harris, his epically bad mood, and school. No one really cared about his attendance anymore.

 

His mom hadn’t even bothered trying to boss him to go to school. She only demanded he came out to eat, which Derek conceded to quickly. He might be simmering in anger and self-pity, but a man gotta eat.

 

But apart from the meals he didn’t really leave his room or adjoined bathroom. He barely even talked. He just abused the Netflix account and thought too much. So when Laura and Cora stormed into his room Thursday evening and headed right for his closet Derek was a bit puzzled. Especially as they emerged, arms loaded with clothes, dumped them on his bed and started to sift through with a critical eye.

 

“What are you doing?” he rasped, voice rough from disuse. Apparently you could communicate perfectly with only glares and huffs.

 

“Taking your lazy ass to Nebraska,” Laura smiled.

 

“Why?” Derek asked now slightly alarmed.

 

“So you can see your lover boy win the national championship,” Cora huffed with her head deeply buried in Derek closet.

 

“WHAT?” Derek yelled jumping from the bed.

 

“Oh, lovely,” his mother said from the door. “I thought you would have more trouble getting him out of the bed. How I was graced with stubborn children, I will never know.”

 

“Because both you and dad are closely related to mules,” Cora smirked as she dumped a stack of shirts into Derek suitcase, which Laura had just pulled out from under his bed. “It’s a scientific miracle.”

 

Talia just rolled her eyes at Cora’s remarks before she looked at the still stunned Derek.

 

“Sweetie I'm sorry but I can’t allow you to board a plane looking like you belong in a underwear commercial.”

 

Derek looked down only now noticing he was only wearing loose sweats and they were barely hanging on to his hip bones, leaving the top of his boxers on full display.

 

“What is going on?” He asked while pulling up his pants.

 

“As I said, we’re taking you to see Stiles skate in Nebraska. Now hurry up Der. We have a plane to catch if you want to see the love of your life beat the living crap out of those frilly boys on the ice.” Cora smiled sweetly as he threw a few socks in the bag.

 

“How do you know about Stiles?” Derek snapped looking accusingly at Laura.

 

“Not me,” Laura said in a singsong voice. “Cora is as devious as Peter it seems. She figured it out herself.” Derek looked at his younger sister in confusion.

 

“I wasn’t rocket science given Stiles that was walking around like a hurt puppy saying he lost the love of his life at the same time my own brother, after spending months being down right cheery, came out of the metaphorical closet but still looked just as broken hearted as Stiles. Also I saw you two make out in the library back in November.”

 

Derek just looked at her.

 

“You know I had hoped you would crack when I asked him home for dinner that one time, but you were both equally stubborn. I would have let you work it out yourself but then Isaac came to me a week ago.” She smiled softly. “He worries about you, you know; and he wanted to ask if I could arrange an _accidental_ meeting between you two. When I discovered he knew I dragged Laura and mom into the plan.”

 

“I know you said you don’t want to win him back but you also told me you promised you would be there for him when he competed in the national championship,” Laura said softly from the end of the bed. “And Derek you’ll just hate yourself more if you break this promise.”

 

“But he said-”

 

“That he didn’t want to see you anymore. Yes, he did, but Derek he was angry and hurt. Jesus Christ, we all say thing we don’t mean,” Laura huffed. “Just go with us. I already promised I would go with Cora and Stiles doesn’t even need to know we’re there. This is only for your sake,” Laura said.

 

“Also, if you really stand by your relationship being over, this might help with the closure,” she added carefully. The ‘ _which you seriously need’_ was left unsaid.

 

“Sweetie,” his mother said softly, “I already bought the tickets and going by what I observed over that last few months and what Cora and Laura have told me, you really loved this boy. You and I are so alike,” she sighed sadly. “I know it’s a big deal for you. Loving someone. Trusting someone.” She walked over pulling Derek into her arms, holding his unresponsive body close.

 

“I don’t like to see my baby hurting,” she said. “And, Derek, you are so sad, love, just go and either sort it out or end it. I _know_ how hard it is. My heart got broken once before I met your dad. And it still hurts. That is the curse of being like us, Derek, to love so strongly and so faithfully. It gets better but if you don’t end it for good you’ll just suffer needlessly for years. Don’t be like me Derek. It took your father far to long to prove that I could love again. I don’t want you to miss the love of your life because you are still hung up on someone else,” she sighed.

 

“You need to go,” she smiled mischievously at that moment showing just how much of their appearance Cora and Laura had stolen from their mother. “Now get your lazy ass out of my house. I expect details when you get home Monday.”

 

“And if I don’t go?” Derek asked already knowing the answer.

 

“Then us girls will wrap you in a carpet and carry you to the car kicking and screaming while I get Jacob to record you humiliation so I can show it to any of your future boyfriends,” she smiled.

 

“Give me ten minutes,” Derek grumbled walking into his bathroom.

 

“I told you he would go quietly,” he heard his mother sing cheerily, as he closed the door. Seemed like Derek was going to Nebraska.

 

 

oOo

 

 

On the way to the airport he texted Isaac.

 

**[Sent 14:30]**

**[To: Isaac]**

_I swear to god when I get home I'm going to kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

****

**[Received 14:32]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_Your mother says you're not allowed. She will not have fratricide in her family. It makes for a very bad image and she will not clean any blood up from her carpets. Also you're an idiot and you can thank me later_ _:)_

**[Sent 14:35]**

**[To: Isaac]**

_I don’t want to do this!!!_

**[Received 14:40]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_Yes you do, Derek. Stop lying to yourself. Go see Stiles and keep that promise Laura mentioned. I know you. If you don’t do this then you’ll just wallow in your man pain. Look on the bright side, if Stiles wins he might be happy enough to give you a second chance!_ _:)  
_

**[Received 14:41]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_Also your mother said not to brood too much. Your face might get stuck. And Boyd tells you to man the fuck up and go get your boy back_ _:)  
_

**[Sent 14:43]**

**[To: Isaac]**

_I'm not going to win Stiles back. He said it was over. There is no point in me trying to **win back** someone who doesn’t want to. Also stop reading these out loud and bringing all the others into this. This is between the two of us! _

__

**[Sent 14:44]**

**[To: Isaac]**

_Also stop with the fucking smileys_

**[Received 14:45]**

**[From: Mom]**

_Language!_

**[Received 14:47]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_Boyd says you’re a wuss_

**[Received 14:48]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_And your mother says you're stupid and she really had higher hopes for your levels of intelligence and you never should have been allowed to play hockey._

**[Received 14:50]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_She claims you lost too many brain cells. Your dad disagrees, he’s sure it because Peter dropped you on your head when you were a baby and are just too embarrassed to tell them_ _:)_ _and stop knocking on my smileys. They are cute. Cora likes them_ _:) :) :) :) :) :)  
_

**[Received 14:51]**

**[From: Peter]**

_I object to that statement. Never have I dropped a child related to me!!!!!!!_

**[Sent 14:54]**

**[To: Isaac, Peter, Mom, Dad]**

_What the fuck are you all doing?_

**[Received 14:55]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_Baking cookies and discussing your love life :)  
_

**[Received 14:56]**

**[From: Peter]**

_Wondering if your dick is large enough to win Stiles back._

**[Received 14:59]**

**[From: Isaac]**

_Nate just stole Peter’s phone. He is yelling at him while he’s accidently sprinkling glitter all over the place. Quite amusing :)_

**[Received 15:02]**

**[From: Peter]**

_I'm so sorry Derek! Really I can’t leave him alone for five minutes. I will keep this for the rest of the day – Nate_

__

**[Received 15:03]**

**[From: Peter]**

_Also we were in no way discussing you genitals – Nate_

**[Sent 15:05]**

**[To: Isaac]**

_Tell the circus I'm shutting my phone off now._

**[Received 15:06]**

**[From: Peter]**

_Phone has been re-_ _conquered!!!!!!!!_ _And I will only concede to this being a circus if I can be the invisible man… meaning I'm naked and Nate is dressed as a ballerina._

**[Received 15:08]**

**[From: Nate]**

_Derek I'm so sorry. This time your mother took the phone and locked it in the pantry. He won’t be bothering you any more._

**[Sent 15:10]**

**[To: Peter, Nate, Isaac, Mom, Dad, Boyd]**

_Really shutting off my phone now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**[Received 15:11]**

**[From: Mom]**

_That was too many exclamation points for a text Derek._

Derek huffed and turned off the phone, seriously his family was crazy. In the front seat Cora and Laura were giggling. Derek had no doubt the text war continued perfectly well without him. It scared him a little that he seemed to be the sane one out of the lot.

 

oOo

 

The rest of the trip to Nebraska was exhausting. It was a long trip to the airport and another long three hours on a plane. The continued giggling from Laura and Cora on the front seats told him that the text war between his family members continued long after he turned off. He was sure there were many interesting texts to be read when he decided to turn his phone back on.

 

Derek had tried to remain sullen the whole flight, mostly to punish Cora for dragging them here, but also for feeding the text frenzy at home with pictures of him glaring at them from the backseat.

 

Unfortunately for him, both Laura and Cora made that impossible by deciding to cheer him up by making everyone around them miserable, obviously.

 

Regrettably there was nothing Derek found funnier than seeing other people react to Laura and Cora’s special brand of crazy. Also it was very nice not to be the butt of their jokes for once.

 

He had remained glowering until they boarded the airplane but had cracked when his sisters had made one of the airplane attendants flee in fear after very loudly discussing the pros and cons of tight pants. Using his ass and crotch to illustrate their points to each other.

 

Poor guy had been red as a tomato and Derek would have been sorry, if he hadn’t seen him trying to cop a feel of Laura’s ass as he showed them their seats.

 

The silent chocked outrage from the people around them had made Derek break down in laughter. He really loved his sisters even if they were a constant pain in his ass.

 

They had grabbed a quick lunch at the airport back in California and when they got to the hotel Derek’s mother had booked, it was getting close to dinner so Laura dragged them into the closest restaurant and forced Derek to eat a healthy dinner before she then proceeded to order most of the desserts on the menu. She then made them try everything, quickly setting up a grade scale going from ‘ _I would definitely eat this again_ ’ to ‘ _Oh fucking God! Its better than sex!’_

 

She almost got them thrown out when she yelled “Better than Mitchell Sanders dick!” after she tried the cheesecake.

 

Derek didn’t know if he should make a run for it or laugh at Laura’s face once she realized just how loud she had been.

 

In the end Derek ended up collapsing into bed that night, tired and worn from the journey and still smiling from his sisters antics. He had almost forgotten the nightmare tomorrow was going to be.

 

oOo

 

The rink where the championship was taking place was filled with a weird twist of excitement and nerves. Derek embraced the familiar cold, it was strangely calming. But then again he had practically grown up on the ice.

 

Despite this he felt out of place among the other skate enthusiasts. He barely knew what Stiles was doing, only that he was good at what he did. Hell, Derek could barely name three of Stiles steps.

 

Laura managed to get fairly good seats and was talking excitedly with Cora. Both of them seemed to have deemed Derek unfit for social interaction. Not that Derek disagreed with their assessment; he had a feeling he was more nervous than the people about to compete.

 

He couldn’t shake his paranoia. He was expecting to see Stiles everywhere even if he knew perfectly well that Stiles was currently locked away in the dressing room. But still, Derek’s skin was itching.

 

They were only planning to stay and watch the men’s short program. The ladies were running after them, or so Derek thought. He’d kind of tuned out on the drive there and hadn’t really heard what Laura had been saying.

 

The free program was the next day, followed by some sort of show performance in the evening that had Cora in a fit. Derek suspected it was because she might have helped with that outfit.

 

Derek watched uninterested as some of the other men performed. Apart from some very well shaped body parts- which Derek felt entitled to enjoy since he was newly proclaimed gay- they all felt like amateurs compared to what Derek was used to seeing Stiles do during practice.

 

But then again Derek could be a bit biased.

 

When they finally announced that Stiles Stilinski was up next Derek felt his heart speed up in his chest. Adrenalin flowed through his veins and he had to battle the urge to run out of the hall right that second.

 

But when Stiles stepped onto the ice with his usual grace, getting in position to begin his short program, Derek felt like he was glued to the seat.

 

Stiles was dressed in what looked like tight leggings and a shimmering black t-shirt, his hair was messed up a bit in a artful version of his usual bedhead and he was wearing a big, bright, charming smile.

 

Derek felt like he was dying, he looked at Laura who, with a glare, told him that he shouldn’t even be thinking about running away. He didn’t see the flash of silver at Stiles throat before the music started up forcing him to look at the young boy on the ice.

 

For the next two minutes Derek watched as Stiles jumped and twirled around the ice to an instrumental rock tune.

 

All Derek really noticed was that Stiles was stunning. His charm and natural charisma had everyone smiling as he performed his routine with only a slight mistake in a single landing. He didn’t fall, just finished less gracefully than one would have wanted.

 

Derek barely noticed as the music stopped and the hall filled with loud applause. He was too busy looking at Stiles as he stood on the ice smiling and chest heaving. He bowed and with a last wink he stepped off of the ice.

 

Derek didn’t know how he would ever stop loving him.

 

oOo

 

That night Derek dreamed of Stiles again. It was a chaste dream and all the more hurtful for it. Derek woke up to the feeling of Stiles arms still lingering around his rib cage, and he swore he could almost feel Stiles breath on his neck.

 

The words _I love you_ a bittersweet echo that drifted away as Derek opened his eyes.

 

oOo

 

Again the rink was filled with people and the excitement was even heavier in the air than the day before. Derek felt tired and worn. Laura had looked at him unimpressed when he turned up for breakfast and Derek knew she wouldn’t tolerate any excuses.

 

So Derek picked himself up and dragged himself to the rink. Though naturally he tried to be as broody as he could, he couldn’t let Laura think she won every time.

 

Derek kind of hated how much he was getting into this whole figure skating business. Before it had been nothing but some men twirling around doing their best to _not_ land on their asses, but now he followed with keen eyes.

 

He didn’t know the moves properly yet. He had been more focused on what Stiles was doing that what he had been calling the twist and turns he performed. So he just tried to compare the figure skaters to Stiles. Even with Derek’s biased opinion he still thought Stiles was the best. He was currently third after the short program the day before.

 

Derek felt the same shiver of fear and excitement as the day before when Stiles stepped onto the ice. He was dressed in tight fitting black pants and a beautiful deep blue tight fitting suit jacket with a simple back shirt peaking out beneath. As the light from above hit the deep blue material large snowflakes made from rhinestone glimmered brightly.

 

Derek thought the young ice skater had rarely looked more beautiful. And he had to look away from him, choosing instead looking at the seat before him trying to gather his composure.

 

He missed seeing how Stiles pulled a long silver chain from under his clothes kissing the delicate silver crucifix and two flat silver rectangles attached to it. The young skaters eyes ran along the seats almost searchingly as he gently tucked the pendant back under his shirt. He also didn’t see the sad sigh when the skater didn’t see what he was looking for.

 

The classical music Derek knew so well started up and Derek looked up to see how Stiles unfolded like a flower on the ice. Derek had no other way to describe it.

 

Stiles was racing across the ice, his arms twisting in the air, following the melancholy of the piece until the music got quicker and he to threw himself into a series of jumps and twists that would have made most fall flat on the ice. Only, Stiles made it seem easy as breathing.

 

Derek caught himself praying Stiles wouldn’t fall. Stiles had an honest shot at winning this, getting through to the world championships, and maybe even fulfilling his biggest dream and going to the Olympics.

 

When Stiles finished in a shower of ice shards, chest heaving for breath, Derek found himself standing with the rest of the arena and clapping until his hands hurt. He wished desperately that he could go down to the rink and give Stiles a kiss in congratulations.

 

Stiles scored the highest score of the evening and won an outstanding first place. Derek smiled as it was announced. At least Stiles would be happy.

 

oOo

 

Derek tried to persuade Laura and Cora to go home but they wanted to stay for the show thingy that would be performed that night. Derek moaned and complained but Laura just looked at him and asked if he was done because otherwise he could just stay at the rink while she and Cora went to dinner.

 

Derek ended up following them but tried to scowl as much as possible.

 

“I'm so looking forward to this,” Cora jabbered excitedly as they made their way to their seats. “Stiles wouldn’t tell me what he was planning but I know he has something up his sleeve. He’s been working on it since before Christmas and he said no one has seen him do this routine before.” Derek looked at her then, curious.

 

“Yes, not even you lover boy,” she smirked happily dumping herself excitedly into her seat. “You think Stiles got our flowers?” She asked, looking at Laura.

 

“Flowers?” Derek asked surprised looking at his sisters. Who in turn looked at him like _he_ was the crazy one.

 

“We sent flowers to Stiles hotel room after he won this afternoon. We even got them to deliver this little grey wolf we bought in the airport while you were busy brooding. Where did you think we went while you agonized over if you wanted to wear the green shirt or the black one for dinner?” She asked, her eyebrow raised in away that reminded Derek startlingly of his mother.

 

“I was not agonizing over anything, I just didn’t want to go out looking like a jerk,” he huffed annoyed.

 

“Well, you're you. You always look like a jerk,” She sassed. “But I'm glad you chose the green one. It makes your eyes look pretty,” Cora said. “And if you do run into Stiles I'm sure he would approve.”

 

Derek ignored her. His choice of dress had nothing to do with Stiles. Hell, Derek wasn’t even going to see Stiles tonight. But Derek didn’t say so. Cora would only use it against him.

 

Derek was surprised to find that he actually really enjoyed the show; it was more loose and fun. Some of the contestants performed more artistic shows while others were more casual.

 

Derek had to unwillingly admit that he was beginning to like figure skating, and not just because of Stiles, but because it was hard not to admire a bunch of people who could perform such demanding tricks on the ice and make it look like they were talking a stroll in the park.

 

When Stiles slid in on the ice with a bight bright smile worthy of a young man who had just won the biggest competition of his life Derek couldn’t help but smile a little. Stiles was dressed in black leggings and a red hoodie, the material of the sweatshirt seemed to shimmer slightly under the spotlight.

 

To be honest Stiles looked a lot like he did every day at school, just in a fancier version with black skates instead of ratty sneakers.

 

He waved at the people on the stands and made a fuss about getting ready on the ice. Derek could already hear some people giggle. The giggle turned to laughter when the music started and it was a big theatrical number.

 

On the ice Stiles straightened from his complicated twist and began to wave his arms at the technicians while he scowled and yelled, skating closer to the edge of the ice. The music cut off and Stiles got back to his position with a mocking scowl, hips swaying comically from side to side as he got back to the middle of the rink.

 

A soft pop tune came on and Stiles smiled at the technicians and began to dance around only to fall flat on his ass with a dramatic flail of limbs.

 

He quickly got up trying to pretend nothing happened, only to suddenly stop and do a double take, as the music changed into something more upbeat and flirty Stiles began to do an exaggerated version of flirting on the ice, full on with swaying hips and wiggling eyebrows.

 

The music changed again and Stiles began to make a series of complicated jumps still looking to the side at every given moment, he even puffed up his chest much to the crowd’s amusement. He then suddenly stopped hands on his hips and whistled as if trying to catch someone’s attention.

 

When whomever Stiles wanted to respond didn’t, his shoulders fell in disappointment; he looked sadly at the audience and began to do a series of slow circles, kicking the ice. It was like he lost the will to perform and even the jumps that were perfect seemed lifeless. Like whoever had been watching had been the reason for the energy to do the complicated jumps from before.

 

Derek heart stopped dead in his chest. This reminded him too much of how he’d met Stiles in the first place. The fall on the ice from the first time Derek had seen Stiles, the flirting first shyly and then more obvious as time went by, the jumps from practice Derek had been witness to so many times now, and then Derek's lack of acknowledgement in the end.

 

Derek could feel how the air suddenly grew thicker; he could hardly breathe, only managing harsh gasping breaths. He couldn’t stay here and watch the end, it hit far to close to home and Derek couldn’t stand it. He needed to get away, now.

 

Derek leapt from his seat as if he’d been shocked, running from the bleachers and ignoring his sisters’ calls.

                                                                                                     

Derek needed to be alone.

 

oOo

 

Derek didn’t know how long he had been wandering aimlessly around the long twisted back corridors of the rink, but he now found himself all alone in a dull deserted corridor. He assumed he was close to the dressing rooms or something. He honestly hadn’t looked where he was going. He took a few deep shuddery breaths, leaning against the gloomy grey wall beside him.

 

He could feel the tears in his eyes and was barely keeping them from spilling down his cheeks. This was why he hadn’t wanted to come. It was too much. It was unfair to force him to sit here and watch the man he loved do the thing that had first caught Derek’s attention, what had essentially began Derek’s hard fall from lighthearted crush to deep love for Stiles.

 

Stiles was rarely more beautiful than when he was sliding gracefully over the ice and this just brought up too many memories. Derek didn’t want to remember; he didn’t want to miss Stiles more than he already did.

 

Derek ached, his heart was hurting and he felt as hollow as he had done when Stiles had first dumped him. It was if all the bandages Derek had wrapped around his fragile heart had been ripped away, leaving it exposed, freshly torn and bleeding.

 

It took another eternity for Derek to calm his breathing. In the end he was left hollow and alone in a dusty abandoned hallway, in freaking Nebraska of all places.

 

“Derek?” A far too familiar voice broke through his wallowing.

 

“Stiles?” He stammered turning his head to look at the oh so familiar young ice skater.

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Stiles hissed. He was still in costume, the shimmering red hoodie catching the dull fluorescent light. His skates were in his hands and Derek almost broke when he saw those familiar worn sneakers on his feet.

 

“I'm here with Cora,” he managed to say, voice horse with the last traces of tears from before.

 

“Why?” Stiles asked, eyes accusing and arms crossed in defiance.

 

“She found out,” Derek said.

 

“Well that must have been hell. I assume she didn’t let you quiver alone in the closet, threaten to out you if you didn’t show?” Stiles sneered.

 

“I came out to my family Christmas day and she only told me she knew about us yesterday, so no not really,” Derek huffed, the shock of seeing Stiles finally settling a little. He had certainly forgotten how much of an asshole Stiles could be when he was really angry.

 

“Oh,” was all Stiles said, the anger dimming slightly under the shock.

 

“Yeah, and no one forced me in case you’re still wondering about that. I just did what I had to, for me.” Derek sighed, looking at Stiles. Why did he have to be so beautiful?

 

“Why are you really here Derek?” Stiles asked tiredly, shoulders falling. “I told you I didn’t-”

 

“Yeah I remember that part quite vividly, so, really no need to repeat it,” Derek said, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of his voice. “As I said Cora brought me. I told Laura the whole story after we-” Derek swallowed.

 

“Cora apparently heard you say something about your boyfriend before Christmas and added to the fact that I told Laura that I had promised to be here they both decided to bring me. I'm not here to… do anything,” Derek trailed off, not really knowing what to say.

 

“Oh,” Stiles said, looking down, “Good. I’ll just go now then,” he smiled bleakly and began to turn away.

 

“Stiles wait!” Derek said without thinking.

 

“What?” the young skater sighed.

 

“I'm sorry,” Derek whispered looking at Stiles. “I know you don’t want to hear it but just, I'm so sorry.”

 

“Derek-“

 

“No just listen,” Derek said, “I lied to you. The reason I didn’t want to come out wasn’t because I didn’t want to.” At Stiles’ admonishing look he added, “Okay that was one reason but there was more,” Derek breathed harshly.

 

“One of the guys I know from another hockey team got assaulted a few months ago, while we were still dating.” Derek coughed trying to keep his voice steady.

 

“They don’t know by who but they think it was his teammates. He had just come out and one day he and his boyfriend just got jumped. It was bad. Really bad,” Derek urged. “The boyfriend had a collapsed lung.” Derek had to look away as he spoke.

 

“I couldn’t risk that happening to you Stiles,” he continued sadly, “the thought of you hurting because of me. I just couldn’t. Dammit Stiles I love you so goddamn much, okay. I just couldn’t risk losing you like I lost Paige. I needed to keep you safe, and if that meant staying secret so be it!” Derek snapped.

 

The young skater just blinked, stunned, at the foolish hockey player before him.

 

“I know it is too late, and I know you don’t want to hear it but never think I didn’t love you enough. I would stop playing hockey immediately if I could get you back Stiles. Nothing in this world matters more than you do,” Derek hissed.

 

“Derek-” Stiles sighed.

 

“Hey Stiles there you are,” a slim boy sauntered down the hall, a big flirtatious smile on his face as he neared Stiles. “Thought I lost you,” he said, one arm folding over Stiles shoulders in a familiar embrace. It was a far too intimate embrace for them to be just good friends if Derek was to be completely honest. Seemed like Stiles had already moved on.

 

Derek heart had stopped beating.

 

“Did I interrupt anything?” The blond guy asked a little confused, looking from the, now glaring Derek, to the still stunned Stiles.

 

“Sort-”

 

“No,” Derek interrupted gruffly. “You didn’t interrupt. We were done,” he allowed himself one last look at the man he loved, looking into those mesmerizing amber eyes for the last time. “Goodbye Stiles,” Derek said softly, turning on his heel and fleeing down the hall.

 

As he walked away the heavy weight of the words he just said hit him. Because this was it, this was the last goodbye. There was nothing left to say. And in all the pain there was for the first time a sliver of calmness.

 

Even if Derek had denied it there had always been that little glimmer of hope, the smallest spark in the back of his head telling him he might still get Stiles back, that time would change things and soon they would be back together. That spark had died. Now there were no loose ends, everything had been said and there was nothing more to do.

 

It was time to let Stiles go.

 

oOo

 

When Derek returned home from Nebraska he walked past the living room, ignoring the shouts and questions from his family. He dragged his numb body up the stairs and into his room, closing the door behind him. For the first time in years he actually locked the door.

 

Tonight he just wanted to be alone, he pulled on his earphones and found the saddest music he could and for the last time he mourned the life he would never have, but so desperately wanted.

 

oOo

 

In hindsight he probably should have gone about things a little differently. Okay, Derek was willing to admit that he _should_ have gone about this whole mess another way. But then interacting with people had never been Derek’s strong suit.

 

In the two weeks it had been since the national skating championships Derek had tried his best to move on. He hadn’t really succeeded. Actually he was still broken hearted and wallowing in misery, but at least he tried to hide it now.

 

Well, he tried to hide it better.

 

As every minute dragged itself away Derek began to wonder if he would ever get over Stiles completely, and in the privacy of his own mind, free of his families ‘ _it’ll get better’_ , ‘ _you always think love is forever when you’re your age’_ and _‘you’ll find someone else, there’s plenty of hot studs left out there and if rumors are true you got the big dick to catch them with’(_ Yes, the last one was Peter’s) he had resigned himself to the fact that Stiles would forever be the one who got away.

 

But back to the matter at hand and Derek making a mess of things as usual, he blamed it all on coach and the fact that it was a Wednesday.

 

They had just finished the last practice session before the regional final the coming Saturday and the locker room was thrumming with nerves. Coach had been yammering on and on about something and Derek just tuned him out.

 

And this is where the whole mess becomes Coach’s fault, because even if Derek was trying to move on and being a better person he still thought of Stiles. Every single moment Derek wasn’t occupied with something else he would think about the beautiful ice skater.

 

So if coach had been more entertaining Derek wouldn’t have zoned out and thought of Stiles and all the things he would have done differently, among many other things coming out to the team and the rest of the world. And what happened next would not have happened.

 

Or so Derek would tell himself later.

 

“So Derek, any last inspirational words for these twirling ballerinas?”

 

“I'm gay.” The words are out of Derek's mouth before he even thought about it. It was the deafening silence in the locker room that really cemented the fact that Derek had just blurted out his biggest secret.

 

The young hockey player stood as if enchanted into stone, barely breathing as he felt the stunned attention of his team heavily rest on his shoulders.

 

“Well, I'm bisexual.” Isaac said after several minutes, or what seemed a dozen lifetimes in Derek's world. Derek turned to his friend, eyes wide with shock, but the accusing lifted eyebrow stopped any words from leaving him. He supposed Isaac had a point, who was he to judge people from keeping their sexuality a secret.

 

“And I'm straight,” Boyd huffed from the corner. He gave them all an unimpressed look as if they were only discussing the weather.

 

A few of the boys dared a startled laugh but most seemed to be lost for words until Jonathan piped softly from the back of the room; “I'm gay and have been seeing Danny for over two years.”

 

Danny, the goalie, looked over at his boyfriend with an annoyed lifted eyebrow, but Jonathan just smirked, “Wasn’t it about time they knew?” Though the smirk was soon replaced with dread. “Just don’t tell my mom, she’ll kick me out of the house.”

 

Derek could feel coach huff beside him and tried to prepare himself for the oncoming fall out.

 

“And I like to be called cupcake. Are we done with the Oprah confessionals or do I need to call Dr. Phil in here for a group session?” He stopped suddenly, looking between Derek, Isaac, Jonathan, and Danny. “Oh fuck, I'm just giving you kids ideas. Fuck off all of you I have Project Runway to see.” With that he turned away, locking himself in the office.

 

Boyd sighed from the corner, got up and walked over bedside Derek, for once folding himself into his full height.

 

“So,” he asked eyes on Matt, “Anyone got a problem with the latest revelations?”

 

“Don’t worry Boyd,” Danny laughed suddenly seeming much more relaxed than normal. I won’t judge you for being straight.” He then walked over to Jonathan and planted a big slobbery kiss right on his lips.

 

“Damn I wanted to do this since I started dating this gorgeous boy,” he looked over to Derek, “And I was planning to do it after the game on Saturday. Dammit Derek did you have to steal my thunder.” Most of the locker room laughed then and the boys soon dissolved into a mass of nervous laughter and immature jokes.

 

Derek knew it wasn’t over, some of the boys looked at him with suspicion as if they expected him to jump them any given moment, but others just smiled softly, bumping his fist and telling him he was the coolest son of a bitch they knew, so what if he liked it up the ass.

 

Jokes were exchanged and asses slapped with wet rolled up towels. And when Derek walked out to his car, after seeing Danny and Jonathan walk away arm in arm, he was glad he took the jump. He was now one step closer to being the man he actually wanted to be.

 

The man Stiles had _showed_ him he wanted to be.

 

oOo

 

If Derek thought his sudden coming out would have been a silent affair he was dead wrong. Which was ironically what he had told himself that morning before driving off to school. Considering that Isaac and Cora had both received texts asking if the rumor that Derek was gay was true then Derek expected a regular shit storm.

 

What he got was pure chaos instead. From the moment he parked his car all eyes were on him. Considering that Beacon Hills High was a pretty large high school the deafening silence as he steeped out onto the asphalt was miraculous.

 

The vast rush of whispers that followed was just as impressing.

 

Derek just pulled out his best I-don’t-give-a-shit face and marched on. He’d be damned if he was going to pretend like he’d done something wrong. It was also nothing compared to the inner agony he had been swimming in since Stiles broke up with him.

 

Derek had momentarily wondered if he was indeed getting pathetic and was getting dangerously close to starring as the heroine in one of Cora’s sappy girl books, and had decided he really didn’t want to think about it. He had a dreaded feeling that he and those silly girls had far too much in common.

 

Instead he just soldiered on.

 

By lunch he was ready to kill himself. How the staring could have doubled since the school heard he had a tattoo he didn’t know but somehow Beacon Hills High managed.

 

“Derek I don’t think you find the meaning of life in the table,” Isaac ventured from beside him. Derek just growled.

 

“Hmm, growling. That means he plotting someone’s early demise. Who’s the chosen one?”

 

“Matt,” Derek snapped. “I'm sure this is his fault.”

 

“No, it’s your fault for blurting that you’re gay in the locker room yesterday,” Cora hummed, sounding way too pleased with her brother’s misery.

“No I pretty sure Matt is to blame. Also I think I figured out how to kill him with out leaving evidence,” Derek huffed into the tabletop.

 

“Shush Derek, no murders. You know how mom gets.” She trailed off, the whole table suddenly growing quiet.

 

Derek lifted his head looking directly into Stiles eyes.

 

“Derek?” Isaac asked carefully and Derek dragged his eyes away from the boy he loved. Derek couldn’t decide what Stiles was feeling, if he was mad or disappointed. Not that it mattered.

 

“Are you okay?” Boyd asked looking over at Stiles, who was now slowly getting up from his chair, his eyes still trained on Derek.

 

“Yeah, can we go?” Derek asked feeling his lunch turn in his stomach. “I need some air.”

 

“Of course,” they all muttered getting up. Saturday suddenly seemed very far away.

oOo

 

The best thing about the match that Saturday was that it was the final. Tonight it would all be decided. This would be Derek’s last high school game, as well as for many of his other teammates. They all knew the audience was filled with scouts from local as well as out of state colleges looking for potential students.

 

They were all far too nervous to be weirded out by Wednesday’s revelations. Well, except Matt, who still looked freaked out every time Derek caught his eyes. Like Derek would ever touch him. Derek shuddered at the mere thought.

 

“So tonight,” Boyd asked pulling on his jersey. “Do we agree on the speech?”

 

“Independence Day,” they said simultaneously, before laughing. They had just finished getting ready when coach jumped into the room, wearing an old worn out once-upon-a-time green leather jacket and big sunglasses. Derek suspected they might have been his wife’s going by the rhinestone deco on the sides.

 

He scared the shit out of Greenberg, who fell right on his ass, before he started shouting as loud as he could; "Good morning. Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world, and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.

 

“Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences any more. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom.

 

“Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to existand should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice, 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on, we're going to survive.' Today we celebrate our Independence day!"

 

He huffed, surely giving them all a stern glare behind the glittery sunglasses. “Now go in there and win me that fucking trophy you bunch of renegade freaks!”

 

Derek breathed deeply. Now he just had a hockey game to win.

 

oOo

 

Derek stared up at the ceiling feeling slightly disorientated. There was noise all around him and he was sure someone was screaming his name from somewhere. The air had been knocked from his lungs as he hit the ice and his knee was hurting. That thought alone paralyzed him far more than the few seconds of confusion.

 

 _Fuck,_ he thought. If he busted his knee now he could kiss his future as a professional hockey player goodbye. And to be honest the way things were now, hockey was only thing he had left.

 

“ **Derek!”** Isaac suddenly appeared above him, his helmet torn off and the chaotic mess of curls falling in his eyes.

 

“Fuck, are you alright? Please don’t be dead. Don’t you dare be dead, Derek. I'm not losing any more brothers!” He muttered desperately, his shaky hands fumbling at Derek neck. Above several teammates faces appeared, all looking concerned.

 

“Isaac,” Derek gasped, still breathless from the fall. There was no reaction and Derek really doubted anyone could hear that pathetic quack he just made.

 

“Isaac, stop,” he gasped again. “I'm fine, I'm breathing.” Still no reaction from Isaac so he took as deep a breath as he could and yelled; “ISAAC!”

 

“Derek,” he gasped relived, practically throwing himself over Derek’s body. Derek winced but forced his arms to fold around Isaac holding him close.

 

“I'm alright,” he whispered into his brother’s ear. “I'm not going anywhere. Told you I would take care of you, didn’t I. I keep my promises. Now get off me you idiot, I can’t breathe and my knee hurts,” Derek huffed in mock annoyance.

 

Everyone around them pretended not to see Isaac wipe away the tears from his eyes as he lifted himself away from Derek.

 

“You alright man?” Boyd asked appearing from nowhere, blood dripping from his lip.

 

“Yeah.” Derek groaned, slowly sitting up as the nurse fumbled out onto the ice. “I'm fine just had the air knocked out of me and my knee hurts. Though it’s starting to fade now. Just think I have one hell of a bruise. And shouldn’t I ask you the same question by the way?” Derek gestured to Boyd’s lip.

 

“I'm fine, just showed that idiot who knocked you over it isn’t alright,” Boyd smiled dangerously. “The referee was too busy looking at you anyway.” He winked before continuing, “but seriously, Derek. Ten minutes of ice time and you're on your back, not impressed.”

 

“Oh fuck off,” Derek huffed as the nurse dropped down next to him. After a quick look she got a few of his teammates to help him off the ice. Coach was yelling at the referee pointing at the boy, now with blooming black eye and split lip, who had taken Derek down.

 

Derek looked at the clock there wasn’t more than eight or so minutes left of the first period. He cursed under his breath he just needed to get back on the ice so they could win this.

 

Unfortunately the nurse wanted to pull him completely from the game. Derek argued with her and it wasn’t until Coach barged in huffing and puffing that they persuaded her to let Derek rest the twenty minutes second period lasted and then decide if Derek was fit for playing.

 

She seemed to be convinced Derek had a concussion, which the young hockey player knew he hadn’t. He had to many of those by now not to know the signs. He was also right about his knee. It would bruise something terrible but nothing else was wrong with it. Now he was just holding a pack of ice to keep it from swelling.

 

And so Derek found himself sitting alone in the nurse’s office looking at the clock, counting the seconds till he was allowed back on the ice. Second period started any minute now.

 

The door to the room opened and Derek looked up confused, the nurse had just told him she would have to go back into the rink in case anyone else got hurt. His confusion only grew as he looked up and met a pair of familiar amber eyes.

 

Stiles was standing in the door, pale under the fluorescent light but with rage glittering in his eyes and an angry flush to his cheeks. He was wearing that dammed cherry red hoodie that made Derek weak in the knees.

 

“Stiles-”

 

“No!” Stiles hissed, interrupting Derek. “You just shut the fuck up and let me speak, okay! You had your chance and then you just walked away.”

 

“But-”

 

“I SAID SHUT UP!” Stiles yelled, face drawn in anger and eyes shining bright with repressed fury. “My turn Derek. Just sit there and shut. The. Fuck. Up.” Derek nodded.

 

“Thank you,” Stiles took a deep breath seemingly trying to get himself together. Derek just looked at him, not really willing to risk further angering Stiles, as the young figure skater began to pace from one end of the room to the next muttering things under his breath Derek couldn’t make out.

 

“You know I had this speech all planned out,” Stiles finally said, still pacing. “I knew just what to tell you. I worked on it all the way back from Nebraska. It was going to be so good, well thought out and all that shit. It was perfect. I just needed you to listen,” he stopped and looked directly into Derek eyes, the angry amber hardening.

 

“And then I couldn’t get a second alone with you, dammit Derek it is like you are suddenly able to teleport because every damn time I’ve tried to get a hold of you, you just go poof.” Stiles arms flapped around him like he was trying to illustrate said poofing before they fell heavily to his side.

 

“And then you fell,” he whispered, the anger slowly ebbing from his eyes only to be replaced with sadness. “And you didn’t get up you were just lying there. And then Isaac was freaking out and all I could think of was that you were a giant idiot who went and died on me before I could talk to you.”

 

Derek could only hear their breathing and he steady ticking of the clock on the wall. In the distance he could hear the noise from the game, but that was all but forgotten. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it. Derek hardly dared to breathe.

 

Stiles was still looking at Derek like he was trying to find the answer to an impossible question. Suddenly he moved, like a flash he was in Derek’s space. His body slipping in between Derek’s knees so they stood chest to chest. Something settled in Derek chest when he felt Stiles arm fold around him and the warm damp breath from Stiles as his head found its place between Derek’s neck and shoulder.

 

Derek couldn’t stop his arms from clinging to Stiles lean body, even if he wanted to. And Derek never wanted to let go of Stiles.

 

The icepack fell to the floor with a rattle, they both ignored it.

 

“I thought I lost you, Derek,” the young ice skater whispered. “I have been trying to talk to you for the last three weeks and you keep running away from me. I can’t even remember a single word of this grand speech I was so proud of.” His hands was slipping up Derek’s back and gripping at Derek's jersey, while he pressed closer into Derek’s body.

 

“I'm sorry Stiles, I'm so so sorry,” Derek whispered brokenly clinging to Stiles with desperation. He couldn’t even say exactly what he was sorry for. The list was so long. “Please,” he pleaded, voice breaking. “Please, I-” Derek ran out of words.

 

Derek heart almost broke when he felt Stiles slowly pulling back. His arms tightened but Stiles still managed to pull back just enough that he could stare into Derek's anguished eyes.

 

“Fuck it,” Stiles muttered, a flash of that untamable impulsiveness Derek hated to admit he loved glimmering in the corner of Stiles eyes as he suddenly pulled Derek close and kissed him.

 

Derek almost didn’t react from pure shock, but when he felt Stiles still and pull back he threw himself into the kiss with everything he had.

 

“You stupid idiot,” Stiles muttered while placing small kisses all over Derek’s face. “Making that stupid speech and then not letting me answer. You didn’t even chase me after we broke up. You made me think you didn’t love me and then you left that stupid present on my doorstep over Christmas and what was I supposed to make of that. And what do you do then? Go and get yourself a tattoo.” Stiles huffed, folding his arms around Derek, resting his head on Derek's shoulder once more.

 

“I need to see that later by the way, babe, because damn, that’s hot. But that not the point because you were looking so sad and behaving like a wounded puppy and I kept thinking why don’t you just come and fix it. Why did you have to be so stubborn you big idiot?”

 

“I-“

 

“Shut up Derek, I'm not done talking,” Stiles snapped. “Now you listen to me. You were in the wrong here and everyone I spoke with said I had to wait until you came around and wanted to make nice. It was you who was supposed to make up for being an idiot and you didn’t!” Stiles huffed.

 

“You didn’t even act like you wanted to get back together. No you just acted hurt but otherwise you were fine. And then I thought maybe you really didn’t want to be with me anyway, that maybe you were glad to be alone and free of me,” he hissed, holding Derek closer as he was repressing the urge to hit him.

 

“So I got angry, so _so_ angry Derek. I have never been so pissed in my life. And what do you do then? You yell at Harris telling him to live with his mistakes and act just like the man I fell in love with. And then it hit me,” Stiles pulled back looking into Derek's eyes again.

 

“You actually are an idiot,” he huffed, “you really believed it when I said that I didn’t want to see you ever again, didn’t you? I was angry Derek, “ Stiles said sadly, shaking his head in annoyed exasperation.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that if you were to continue being afraid of yourself and our relationship then we would never be happy. And if you could agree to just tell your family then we might have a chance. I hoped you were clever enough to figure that one out by yourself but you're apparently not,” he huffed.

 

“Someone once told me I was just a dumb jock,” Derek tried to smile. It fell flat, unfortunately.

 

“You’re a far to smart to be that dumb Derek,” Stiles huffed, “But apparently your people skills need some serious work.”

 

“So Laura tells me,” Derek said and Stiles smiled shyly.

 

“I have to agree with your sister then. But why Derek?” Stiles asked frowning. “Why did you have to go be all noble and annoying and so… like you, that I don’t know why I expected anything else,” Stiles sighed fondly, shoulders slumping slightly.

 

Derek could only shrug. He really didn’t have an answer. All those firm reasons and arguments he had used to convince himself to stay away from Stiles seemed so silly and pointless now. He was embarrassed to say them out loud.

 

“And then you came to see me skate,” Stiles huffed. “I was so ready for us to make up by then. Don’t get me wrong I'm still pissed and you're going to work for it baby, believe me.” Stiles looked at Derek in way that made his skin tingle. Derek doubted he would mind groveling for Stiles. Right about now he hardly dared to hope that he was hearing things right.

 

“But when I ran into you in that hallway I was still too angry to take the first step,” The young skater sighed deeply, a wry smile grazing his pretty lips.

 

“And then you told me about your friend and fuck Derek, that’s not for you to decide okay. I can take care of myself and you should have told me,” he snapped looking accusingly at Derek. If looks could burn Derek would have needed to go to the hospital by now.

 

“And then I was back at being angry. And just as I was about to throw you against that wall Daniel comes along, and he’s a friend by the way. I saw that I-will-suffer-in-silence-look you gave me, so stop even thinking about me doing anything with him, yikes. And then you were gone,” he sighed, his hands coming up to cradle Derek’s face.

 

“I knew I had to knock some sense in to you. I wanted to make you grovel at my feet. Hell, I just wanted you to fucking fight for me Derek! And then you go and fall on the ice,” his breath hitched. “And all I could think of was there goes another one I love. You stupid fucking idiot, why do I even love you?” he sighed the rush of words seemingly coming to an end.

 

“I'm sorry,” Derek muttered. Against his shoulder Stiles started to giggle, though it sounded strangled and wrong. It was not the carefree sound he was used to coming from Stiles.

 

“Dammit Derek why do I love you,” Stiles whispered again. Though Derek had a feeling t was more for his own sake than Derek’s ears. Stiles lifted his head smiling at Derek who was honestly still a little confused. He sighed, “But I do love you Derek, so very much.” He leaned forward kissing Derek chastely.

 

“But you are an idiot,” the skater stated as he pulled away.

 

“So my family keep telling me,” Derek said dryly only making Stiles giggle more. It sounded lighter now, more right.

 

“You do understand why I had to break up with you though?” Stiles asked carefully.

 

“Yeah,” Derek whispered carefully. “I'm sorry Stiles I should have told you about the other reasons but I just wanted to keep you safe.”

 

“I know Derek,” the younger boy sighed. “Still can’t believe it though. You actually came out to the whole school. Do you have any ideas about how many people are talking about you? What about your hockey? I mean this is everything you didn’t want to.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Derek couldn’t look at Stiles so he chose to stare at the wall.

 

“Dammit Derek!” Stiles hissed. “Don’t do that okay. Don’t shut me out it hurts.”

 

“Sorry,” Derek muttered.

 

“Derek, I don’t know about you but I want to get back together and in order to do that we need to talk. Okay, I've had a shit two months without you and everyone I've talked to say we needed to talk. I should have told you how you refusing to acknowledge our relationship made me feel and you should have told me why you were so afraid. Baby, right now you’re doing the same foolish thing that made us break up in the first place. Please tell me what changed.”

 

Derek was silent for a longtime; he didn’t know what to say. “You left,” he finally whispered.

 

“Oh.”

 

Derek shrugged at the wide-eyed Stiles, who was now looking at him with ill hidden fondness.

 

“It made me take a look at my life. And suddenly I only had a bunch of lies and a life I was afraid to live. I love hockey but I need to have more than that. I need to have love and I need to be who I am. I didn’t do this for _you_. I did this for _me_.”

 

“I know Derek,” Stiles smiled. “And I'm oddly proud of you.” He grew silent for a moment. “I just… I don’t want you to regret this. I feel like I forced you and that wasn’t my intention. I still would have tried to work things out if you hadn’t come out,” he caressed Derek cheek.

 

“I was just waiting for you to make the first move,” the young skater smiled sadly.

 

“Are we back together?” Derek asked hesitantly, only a little afraid of the answer.

 

“Are you going to talk to me this time?” Stiles asked, one eyebrow lifted high in question.

 

“Yes.”

 

Derek looked confused at Stiles when he sudden pulled out of Derek's arms. It was only when Stiles began to pull out the silver chain that Derek noticed it. He looked on in wide eyes wonder when the saw the pendants dangling from the chain.

 

One was a silver crucifix, detailed and delicate. It was Stiles mothers, Derek knew. Stiles had shown it too him back when he was about to compete in the regionals. He only wore it during competitions.

 

But it was the two silver rectangular dog tag-like pendants next to it that made Derek heart beat hard in his chest

 

“I've been wearing them since Christmas eve,” Stiles said softly.

 

Derek was still staring, apart of him was sure Stiles had thrown out his Christmas present. He surely didn’t expect Stiles to have been wearing them every day.

 

Derek remembered clearly when he bought the dog tags, he’d been so nervous but when he had seen the crescent moon engraved into on of the rectangles and he had to get them for Stiles. The words on the other side of the moon and the triskele on the bare rectangle was all his doing though.

 

“I loved the inscription,” Stiles smiled. He turned the silver rectangle so Derek could see the words he had chosen.

 

 

_Good Luck, I love you_

_-Yours forever, Derek._

 

 

“Did you mean it?” Stiles whispered.

 

“That I love you?” Derek asked, looking into Stiles insecure eyes. “I do.”

 

“No, not that part. Are you mine? Forever?”

 

“Yes,” Derek replied. There was no point in lying, not now.

 

“Good,” Stiles smiled. “Because I'm hopelessly yours,” he said as he wriggled his eyebrows.

 

“Stiles,” Derek groaned.

 

“Shut up, you love me,” the young skater laughed. “Corny declarations of love and everything.”

 

“I think I’ve changed my mind,” Derek muttered enjoying the light feeling in his chest. He couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Hey, be nice to your boyfriend. You still have some groveling to do,” Stiles huffed.

 

“I like hearing you say that,” Derek said as he pulled Stiles closer. “My boyfriend,” Derek muttered before he kissed Stiles again.

 

“I love you,” he said softly loving how Stiles beamed at him.

 

“Love you too Derek.” They just stood close looking each other in the eyes like the ridiculous love-struck saps they really were. Suddenly a loud noise from the hall made them pull slightly apart.

 

With a bang and chatter coach stormed into the room.

 

“Hale I need you on the fucking ice, get off your ass and get ready we are behind two points. You got ten minutes before next period.” He stopped in his track when he saw Stiles.

 

“Stilinski, what the hell are your doing here?” he huffed.

 

“He’s just checking up on me coach. Being a good boyfriend and all,” Derek said pulling a startled Stiles close.

 

“Teenagers,” Coach muttered. “Well come on Derek, get on the ice.” Behind him the nurse stumbled in giving coach a death glare before resuming to check up on Derek’s knee. It ached a little but it was nothing so luckily Derek was quickly cleared to play.

 

“I'm going to go back to the stands,” Stiles smiled as they exited the nurse’s office. “You need go get your team.”

 

“Wait,” Derek said grabbing Stiles hand. “One more thing.” And without further explanation he dragged the sputtering Stiles down the hall to the dressing room. Derek stormed in still holding Stiles hand, completely ignoring Stiles when he tried to get free.

 

Damn if Derek was letting him now he had him back.

 

“Hey Hale, nice to see you standing,” one of the boy yelled and Derek just gave him the finger before coming to a stop before his locker.

 

“Hello there,” Isaac said looking curiously between Derek and Stiles. “This is a bit of a surprise.”

 

“Stiles meet Isaac, my brother in all matters but blood and Boyd my best friend. Meet Stiles my boyfriend.” Derek turned slightly and started to unlock his locker. He was certainly not hiding from the rest of the teams’ reactions.

 

“Hello again Isaac,” Stiles smile shyly. “And Boyd, Erica keeps talking about you.”

 

“Wait you know Erica,” Derek said just as the lock clicked open.

 

“Yeah we’re friends.” Stiles smiled. “She’s the Catwoman to my Batman.”

 

“You and your superheroes,” Derek muttered as he dived into his locker.

 

“Derek must be your Wolverine then,” Isaac said and Derek didn’t have to look up to see his smirk.

 

“The temper matches,” Stiles giggled.

 

“Be nice to your boyfriend,” Derek smiled as he finally found what he was looking for at the very bottom of his locker. He could feel the others around them stare and hear a few mutterings in the background but Derek didn’t care. Much. Isaac was smiling and Boyd looked as happy as he usually did. So all the rest, they didn’t really matter.

 

“Here,” Derek said, handing Stiles his spare jersey. Stiles looked down at the red shirt, eyes clues to the big printed HALE stretching over the back.

 

“That a pretty big declaration,” Stiles whispered.

 

“So,” Derek smiled. “I don’t care. I love you.” He said it loud enough so that he knew the others heard him. It was silent for a moment before Danny whistled loudly.

 

“Way to go Stilinski. You bagged the unattainable Derek Hale,” he yelled laughing, pulling Jonathan close.

 

“I did more than that Mahealani,” Stiles laughed and wriggled his eyebrows suggestible again.

 

“Stiles,” Derek groaned. “Really?”

 

“What?” Stiles smiled innocently? “I didn’t say anything,” he winked.

 

“Just put on the shirt,” Derek muttered as the entire locker room whistled and laughed. Well, for Stiles he would endure the inevitable teasing from his team.

 

“Voila,” Stiles beamed as he pulled on the shirt turning so Derek could see the back.

 

“You look good with my name on,” Derek smirked. He leaned closer and whispered into Stiles ear; “Someday I make you wear that shirt and nothing else.” He couldn’t help but smile at Stiles blush.

 

“Tease,” he whimpered turning around. “Now get ready to go out there and kick some ass. I want a boyfriend I can show off.” Stiles winked.

 

“Just one thing,” Derek said before he gently pulled out the silver chain from under the jersey. Carefully he placed on top of the jersey do it was on full display, the silver pendants gleaming happily in the fluorescent light.

 

“Now you can go,” he smiled leaning down to kiss Stiles softly. The locker room exploded with cheers and catcalls, and only a few uncomfortable hisses. But Derek still considered it a victory. Especially as Stiles stumbled out the locker room blushing and smile happier than Derek had ever seen him.

 

“So,” Isaac asked. “You feeling okay?”

 

“Yeah, my knee almost doesn’t hurt.” Derek said as he hurriedly pulled on the padding he had to take off in order to get his knee checked out.

 

“Yeah, I get that,” Isaac said rolling his eyes. “I mean about the whole coming out and reuniting with your boyfriend thing. It’s very public very quick. I mean you only been officially _out_ for three days.” Behind Isaac, Boyd listened in curiously, his eyes asking Derek the same question.

 

“I'm terrified,” Derek whispered in a rush finally allowing the embers of panic to blaze for a second. “But I'm so happy I could burst,” he smiled. Because he was happy. The young hockey player might have been on the edge of a full-fledged panic attack because being out and open was still very new to him and the fears hadn’t gone away since before Christmas.

 

But Derek didn’t want it any other way. He had learned that many things were scary in life. What was important was to not to let your fears ruin it for you. And compared to the happiness of finally being himself, allowing others to see these hidden parts, well, Derek felt like he could handle whatever life might bring as long as Stiles was there to help him out.

 

“I would have been concerned if you weren’t,” Isaac smiled in return. “Now lets see if you can handle more than ten minutes standing on the ice shall we,” he teased, pushing Derek skates at him.

 

oOo

 

Just before Derek stepped out on the ice he hesitated and looked up to see if he could see Stiles. He was surprised to see him standing next to Cora and Nate. Stiles looked small in Derek’s much too large jersey, the big #42 was clear to all. Just in case the **HALE** on the back wasn’t enough to gather attention. But his eyes were bright and he was smiling like he just won the lottery.

 

Though Derek had to suppress a groan as he saw the glittery scarf around Stiles neck. The one that he knew had previously been decorating Nate’s neck.

 

Derek really didn’t need another member of the ‘ _sparkles for Derek_ ’ team.

 

“Hale,” Derek heard coach mutter and he looked to the side to see the coach give him a serious frown. “I know you had some… chaotic days but I need you to focus. You need to go out there and…take the ice, Derek. You need to make that rink your bitch and win me this game because I really like that trophy and I really hate their coach. _Assbutt_.” The coach sent a hateful glare across the ice to the other teams’ beaming coach

 

Derek couldn’t help but smile at his coach’s scornful look. “Don’t worry coach,” he looked up at Stiles again. “I'm getting pretty good at taking the ice.” And with that Derek stepped onto the ice ready to face whatever might come.

 

And he didn’t feel afraid at all. Because, while hockey meant a lot to Derek there were things that were more important and as long as Derek had Stiles he could handle everything.

 

The end… ( _almost)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely beta Ayla who made this chapter much better.


	7. Epilogue

_2014_

Derek was nervously tapping his feet against the airport floor as he eyed the door to the baggage claim impatiently. Around him stood Isaac, the Sheriff, Scott and his girlfriend Allison (who Scott had somehow managed to ask out just before Christmas. There had been much rejoicing.)

Derek was surprised at how good of friends he and Scott had become in the end. After he and Stiles had gotten back together and faced the worst madness their new couple status brought with it, Derek had finally been introduced to Scott.

It hadn’t gone well.

Scott did not appreciate that Derek had broken his best friends heart and he was quite determined to prove that to Derek. He even went as far as trying to give Derek the talk.

The _‘don’t hurt my Stiles or you will be sorry’_ talk that was. Only it ended up with Scott having an asthma attack and Derek having to call Stiles and ask what to do. In the middle of all the chaos it seemed that Derek and Scott had come to a truce.

Derek looked sourly at the rest of the people waiting around them. Almost every news agency from northern California had somehow managed to send a journalist to Sacramento airport. They were all here waiting for Stiles to finally return from Russia as an official Olympic gold medalist.

The last few weeks had been nerve-wracking for Derek. He had sent Stiles off with a private Skype call because he hadn’t been able to leave college and as far as Stiles knew Derek was still two hours away having a lecture on pre-medieval northern European history.

Derek had begged his professor and coach into giving him the week off. When he told them it was to go home to celebrate his boyfriends gold medal they were all willing to let him have his assignments a week early. And naturally one of the guys from the team was taking notes. He wanted to be in Laura’s good graces after all.

Having his sister as his Classic literature TA turned out to be just the advantage Derek had hoped for. Apparently Derek’s teammate thought she was hot and seemingly thought that helping Derek out could give him an in with her.

Derek had vowed to knock him off his feet as soon as he had the notes in hand. Or maybe just tell Laura so she could enjoy doing it herself.

Derek couldn’t believe he had gotten so far in the last year. He got into his top choice college was playing on their hockey team and he was unbelievably still considered one of the best upcoming players in the US.

But most important of all, he was still dating Stiles.

It had been hard. Any relationship was, Derek assumed. But with him away at college and Stiles training all the time they had barely seen each other in person since September. But they made it work; Skype was wonderful, even if one- or sometimes both of them- fell asleep mid conversation.

Usually they just let the camera roll. It felt like the other one was closer that way. Derek couldn’t count the times he studied for tests while Stiles was softly snoring on his computer screen.

It hadn’t been really bad until the last few weeks up to the Olympics. They hadn’t had time for more than a few scattered texts, and with the world championships coming up Derek knew it would continue this way until the figure skating season was over. Derek planned to make the most of the week he had with his boyfriend before they were separated again.

A buzz went through the crowd and Derek looked up, seeing a bunch of people coming through the door. Some looked surprised and others looked annoyed at the, now almost hyperactive, journalists and photographers who were all getting ready to go for the kill.

Derek hated to admit it but in the chaos he wouldn’t have been able to spot Stiles if it wasn’t for the hideous rainbow colored scarf that was firmly wrapped around his neck. It had been a gift from Laura, homemade and crooked as hell.

Derek loathed it because it was obnoxious and so damn ugly. Stiles of course adored the blasted thing. How the abomination even managed to hold itself together Derek didn’t know. It looked like it was about to unravel any second. Only it didn’t, much to Derek’s displeasure.

That stupid scarf was also without a doubt one of the biggest stories from this year’s Olympics.

Stiles had worn it from the minute he stepped onto the plane to Russia and had only taken it of to sleep and preform. It was actually the last thing he took off before stepping onto the ice.

Everyone wanted to know if it was a politic move or a personal statement. Stiles of course denied everything and kept saying it was a gift from a dear friend. Laura had been unbearable in her smugness.

At it were, there was barely any pictures of Stiles not wearing that awful scarf and only the German’s rainbow outfit had been close to reaching the amount of attention that Stiles scarf had gotten.

He went from somewhat known to world famous overnight. Not that it had fazed Stiles the least. He carried on, deflecting and charming every single reporter into forgetting his or her original question. He kept a firm hold on the story that it was a good luck charm from a very dear friend and had nothing to do with either his political values or his sexuality. Which of course was true.

Security personal was busy trying to keep a hold on some of the more frisky journalists when Stiles spotted his dad. Derek smiled softly and he watched how Stiles whole face light up at the sight of his dad. He suddenly looked like the boy Derek had fallen in love with instead of the tired and professional man Derek had seen on the television the last three weeks.

Stiles started running and as soon as he was close enough to his dad he dropped his luggage and threw himself into his dad’s arms. Derek smiled and looked over at Scott and Allison who was both beaming.

After a few moment a misty eyed Stiles finally released his dad and looked at the rest of the welcoming comity. He spotted Scott and smiled, throwing himself into his best friends arms. It wasn’t till after a few whispered words from Scott that he turned and looked at Derek.

In seconds Stiles was in Derek's arms and the young skater was wearing an impossibly larger smile.

“You came,” he said into Derek neck. “You actually came to pick me up in the airport you silly romantic.”

“Of course,” Derek replied. “How could I not? You won a freaking gold medal. I had to come and pick you up, it’s in the rules.”

“How the hell did I get lucky enough to get you,” Stiles smiled. One hand came up to play with the dog tag looking pendants around Derek’s throat. It was almost identical to the ones Derek had given Stiles more than a year ago.

Only these were from Stiles to Derek and had a wolf engraved on one disk and a delicate snowflake on the other. On the back of the silver rectangle with the wolf image Stiles had put the words:

_Good luck Sour Wolf_

_Love you forever, Stiles_

They were both hopeless romantics, but what were two gay men to do but live life to the fullest. Cheesy stuff included.

“You're wearing your Christmas present,” the young skater smiled.

“Always,” Derek said proudly because he did. Stiles present only left him when he slept or showered.

“So I think I know your answer, but can I kiss you even if there will be way too many pictures of it and it is probably a very bad idea?” Stiles mumbled shyly.

“Of course,” Derek whispered looking down at his boyfriend who peeked out from underneath his chin. “I don’t hide for anyone.” And then Derek kissed Stiles, not caring a single second about the cameras going off like thunder and lighting around him.

When Derek saw the picture online the next day he still didn’t care. So what if people knew he was gay and dated Stiles. So did everyone who knew them.

_2018_

 

“You look like you’re about to puke,” Jones laughed from beside Derek. Derek just glared at him. He was sure that Jones would want to puke too if he was in Derek shoes.

“Come on Derek, this can’t possibly be worse than competing for the gold and I didn’t see even a hint of nerves when you stepped onto the ice the other day. Hell man, with your life choices,” he scoffed. “You shouldn’t be afraid of anything.”

Derek knew what he meant. Being one of the few ‘ _out’_ professional athletes took some ‘ _balls of fucking titanium’_ as Jones had once put it. Derek had been threatened, been made the prime target during endless hockey games and had even been attacked on one memorable occasion.

Who would have though that Stiles was actually pretty good at self-defense. The homophobic jerk that had tried to jump them had ended up with a broken wrist and a case of seriously injured pride. Derek got a black eye out of the ordeal but that he was used to.

He remembered fondly how he couldn’t stop laughing at the angry jerk that didn’t take lightly to being beaten by a “fucking fairy”.

The attack had shaken Derek of course, but instead of making him afraid like he had been all those years ago it just pissed him off. Hell, Derek was willing to discuss unfair treatment of homosexuals to all who stood still long enough to listen, and he and Stiles always tried to help out with awareness campaigns.

But still, Derek’s life was far from easy and it was mostly due to the fact that he was gay. And naturally he was still afraid sometimes; for his own safety, for Stiles’, for his family’s.

Derek wasn’t stupid enough to ignore that he was walking the line when it came to provoking homophobic lunatics. Hell, Derek was petrified some days but he’s be dammed if he would let fear rule his life.

But despite all this Derek really hadn’t felt _this_ scared ever before. He had reached a whole other level of terrified. He was almost shaking.

And yes, he really felt like puking.

“There’s your boy-toy Hale,” Jones smirked. “Now remember to breathe. And don’t puke. I spotted a camera over there. We wouldn’t want any public humiliation on world wide broadcasted television now do we.” He laughed and disappeared into the crowd around them leaving Derek with his nerves.

“Hey there sexy,” Stiles beamed as he slithered up to Derek taking his hand. Derek sighed as he saw the hideous rainbow scarf. Stiles swore it meant as much good luck as the pendants Derek had given him all those years ago.

Derek swore he could feel Laura’s smugness even here on the other side of the planet.

“Can you believe it,” Stiles hummed happily.

“You, the youngest on the hockey team and me the defending champion,” he sighed, “here at the freaking Olympics. And we both actually won,” Stiles cheered.

He leaned up to give Derek a chaste kiss, before fiddling with Derek’s gold medal that he had barely dared take off since it got placed around his neck the other day. Derek couldn’t help but admire the matching one that hung around stiles neck, barely peaking out under the stupid scarf.

“Have I told you how sexy you look wearing gold?” Stiles smirked wriggling his eyebrows seductively. Derek barely cracked a smile.

“Hey,” the skater asked confused. “What’s up? I know you can be quiet around people but you’re normally not like this.”

“I'm fine,” Derek croaked. “Just nervous.”

Stiles looked at him confused. “At the _closing_ ceremony at the Olympic games where you just won a gold medal?”

“Yeah,” Derek mumbled.

“Okay...” Stiles said anything but convinced. “Oh look Derek a camera,” Stiles smiled and waved momentarily distracted from Derek’s odd behavior.

“Stiles,” Derek said suddenly determined.

“Yeah babe,” Stiles said while still looking away.

“I love you more than I ever though it was possible and the years I’ve spent with you are the happiest years in my life,” Derek rushed out. “I love our life together and while I always knew you were the only one for me I thought we might make it official.” Stiles had now turned and were looking at Derek a little worried.

“What do you mean Derek? We live together. How much more official do you want us to be?”

Derek sighed looking up. He never really got better at the whole communicating bit.

“Dammit Stiles,” Derek said and he fell down on one knee catching the attention of everyone around them, though Derek didn’t notice, he was about to ask one of the most important questions of his life.

”What I mean is that I love you more than life, so please,” Derek pleaded. “Will you marry me?”

Derek pulled out the ring that had been hidden in his coat pocket and held it out to the stunned Stiles. The ring was simple, plain platinum with a thin line of gold running down the middle.

Stiles was just standing there looking at him.

“What?” the skater screeched “Are you serious?” Derek gave him an annoyed glare that only made Stiles smile.

“Yes,” he laughed, “Of course you idiot. I would love to.”

Derek felt a weight shift off his chest and got up, pulling Stiles into a kiss. It was only the catcalls and applause that caught the hockey player’s attention and alerted him to the fact that his proposal had been anything but discreet.

“So that was very public,” Derek muttered into Stiles’ neck.

“Yes, you're good at that aren’t you? You never do anything by half,” Stiles laughed. “Now stop hiding and give me my ring. I want to show off that I no longer have to live in sin.”

“Like you ever cared about sin.” Derek muttered but put the ring on Stiles long finger anyway.

What they both didn’t know until later was that the camera had caught it all and that the end of Derek’s proposal had been aired live in several countries.

_2022_

 

Derek looked at the thousands of people around him. He normally didn’t like crowds but for this he would make an exception. This only happened a few times in your life after all.

Derek couldn’t understand how far he had come in life; twenty-eight and married to his high school sweetheart. Though Stiles was no longer the charming boy on the ice. He was two times… no sorry, three times Olympic gold medalist and considered one of the biggest and brightest within figure skating.

“So double gold medalist Derek Hale,” one of his younger teammates smirked at him. “How does it feel to be at yet another closing ceremony?”

“Somewhat more relaxing now that I'm not preparing to propose this time,” he smirked wriggling his wedding ring in front of the young guy.

“I remember seeing that on TV, damn that was crazy. You are the bravest son of a bitch I know.”

“I'm really not,” Derek huffed amused. “I'm just being myself and if anyone has a problem they can fuck off.”

“You giving out free lessons on how to be the less attractive half of a famous gay couple again babe?” Stiles giggled as he wrapped his arms around Derek's waist. “You should start charging people, we would make a fortune.”

“We already do,” Derek mused.

“True,” Stiles smiled kissing Derek's chin.

“God, you really are the cutest couple,” the young skater moaned in mock annoyance before saying his goodbyes and moving on to another teammate.

“Can you believe it Sour Wolf,” Stiles sighed. “That we’re here after so many years, both having fulfilled our dreams and despite all the troubles actually still hanging in?”

“Not really no,” Derek smiled.

“I'm scared.” Stiles said quietly looking at the performance on the arena’s floor.

“Who wouldn’t be,” Derek mused. “It’s pretty big. I mean our life will never be the same.”

“But a kid Derek. Our kid. Why did I think that was a good idea?”

“Because you're retiring early as a very famous and talented ice skater to become a just as talented trainer for my nephew as well as the next Olympic champignon from the US. I have a good job in a great club and a promise that as soon as I don’t want to play anymore I can be hired as assisting manager. Because we been together since I was eighteen and you were seventeen. And most of all because we both want a family.”

“I knew I married you for more that you hot bod,” Stiles giggled.

“You just be glad Laura is still so enamored about you still wearing that ugly scarf that she let us have some of her eggs.” Derek huffed tugging at the ends of the world famous Olympic rainbow scarf. Dammed thing had it’s own Wikipedia page.

“Stop dissing the scarf, you love it don’t deny it. And yes, you have a wonderful sister. Actually we have a great family.”

“Yes, so stop worrying. You know he’ll be here in about two months, so it to late to change your mind. Also if you really want some practice we can just have Matt and Natasha over. I'm sure Peter and Nate want the extra quality time.”

“Wait,” Stiles said suddenly looking up at Derek horrified. “You do realize we’re turning into Nate and Peter right. I mean we’ll be the gay parents next. We even used a surrogate like they did.”

“No!” Derek huffed, “we’re not tuning into them. One, I'm not creepy enough to be my uncle and two, we’re much better looking and much younger and three, I refuse to wear that much glitter,” That only made Stiles laugh.

“God, I love you,” he said leaning into Derek's arms.

“I love you too,” Derek said holding Stiles close. “Forever.”

While their life hadn’t been easy and they could fight like cats and dogs sometimes, they loved each other. Derek never once bemoaned taking the road less traveled. So what if he had to prove his worth more than others in the beginning, if people disliked him for being gay. In the end it really didn’t matter all that much.

Derek didn’t regret a thing. He got to live his life being himself with the man he loved and the best family anyone could dream of.

If anyone asked him, he had indeed taken the ice with all his power. Just like the coach had asked him too all those years ago, he had turned that losing game into a winning one. Because here, in a foreign country surrounded by strangers, Derek felt more like a winner than the two times someone put an Olympic medal around his neck.

He had everything he needed. He had Stiles.

_The end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A last goodbye as apology for this taking so long. That was it. No more of these two. 
> 
> I've been lucky enough to get my beta to look through the whole story and edit grammar and the last misspellings. There won't be any mayor changes but I added a little to a scene in chapter two. If anyone want a re-read of this I suggest waiting a little. 
> 
> Thank you to my lovely beta Ayla, thank you dear readers for reading and being nice, and thank you for all the comments and positive feedback. I owe you all some big hugs :)
> 
> Im gonna miss this story.


End file.
